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White Dress

byNouveauLuneAttentes©
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by Anonymous

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by Reltne07/10/05

Shorten the hem?

I really like the metaphor of dress as woman and stains/tears/alterations as sins/experiences/etc. - but I think you try to do too much and thus lose/weaken the metaphor at times. In some places it seems that you are no longer the dress, but a woman IN the dress.
It is also too long (IMO) and might be better as two or more poems; the first one being a purer distillation of the dress metaphor.

Thanks for the read!

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