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More Please?
This story has a lot of potential for a series...keep it up!!
Double entendre' intended!!o
More detail
This is hot, but was way too "classy" to be considered erotic. Describe in much more, dragged out detail. What each sibling was thinking, appearances, esp of Kelly, etc
Not developed
The brevity of the story and the lack of interaction stunted any characterisation (the lack of dialogue left it with the ambience of a court statement). The situation has the potential to be really hot, but this tale left me cold.
Not really a story
Barely more than a rambling anecdote. Certainly not erotic.
Kind of silly
Hardly worth the electrons you used to type it.
Incidentally, do ten minutes research on the web and look up penis size. Start with Wikipedia and continue. The likelihood of any significant incidence of an 11 inch penis is probably zero. Mine, by the way, although not measured since I was about 12 years old, is, perhaps, slightly less than 6 inches. Yet I've been told, amazingly, that it's big, that it's beautiful, and that some girls love it (truly), and also that I'm a great lover. These kind comments have made me much happier than would an 11 incher, I believe.
Keep trying, but try focusing more on how people feel in their hearts than how they look.
The perfect premise
You had the perfect premise. They were oiled up... If you had taken more time, used better descriptions and convey the sensations this slipperyness was providing, you could have driven your readers nuts. Keep writing.
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