This story had potential. I enjoyed reading it. But not near as much as I would have had you spent more time on it. It had numerous mistakes that a better job of editing would have fixed. But, thanx.
by
Anonymous07/18/05
Tepid
Story has a good, if standard, base. The stilted writing takes away a lot of the potential heat this story could have generated.
Keep trying. The potential is there. I suggest studying the writing of people here who get higher ratings than your story is getting.
English
Potential
This story had potential. I enjoyed reading it. But not near as much as I would have had you spent more time on it. It had numerous mistakes that a better job of editing would have fixed. But, thanx.
Tepid
Story has a good, if standard, base. The stilted writing takes away a lot of the potential heat this story could have generated.
Keep trying. The potential is there. I suggest studying the writing of people here who get higher ratings than your story is getting.
The shits!
Her being on the Pill ruined the whole story.
YES...YES...YES...
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...GOOD!!!!!!!!! !! My that was soooooooooo...erotic. Thanks for making me cum like a schoolboy!
Mmmmm
I came
It should have had a hot next to it
I for sure came and I think that it should have had a hot indication next to it.
Could have been good...
...but the lame dialogue ruined it.
love it
made me cum all over my fingers... ive had fantasies of my stepdad for a long time now so this one had me fingering for a while... god that was hot
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