You rushed the story was too much, the sex parts were good but leading up to it was rushed way too much. You need to setup the background properly.
Next time don't rush anything, even if it takes an extra paragraph or two, setting the background allows us to get a clearer picture of what's about to happen.
by
Anonymous07/20/05
Good Start.
build up the background more. You know expand the scene etc... But really keep writing you will get better with pratice.
I don't vote because of trolls and goblins. Tell us more about Kirsten. Expand on your world please. Keep writing.
by
Anonymous07/20/05
reminds me of another story that was on here
there was another story that was very very similar to this one, though I do not remember the title anymore. Same scenario prettymuch.... Be creative when writing, it will give you a much more thorough response. I rated it 50 because after reading just the first bit, it seemed too much like plagorism to me.
English
Good cookies
I always did like those girl scout cookies.
I can empathize with him!
sorry
sucked
Too Fast
You rushed the story was too much, the sex parts were good but leading up to it was rushed way too much. You need to setup the background properly.
Next time don't rush anything, even if it takes an extra paragraph or two, setting the background allows us to get a clearer picture of what's about to happen.
Good Start.
build up the background more. You know expand the scene etc... But really keep writing you will get better with pratice.
I liked Your Story
I don't vote because of trolls and goblins. Tell us more about Kirsten. Expand on your world please. Keep writing.
reminds me of another story that was on here
there was another story that was very very similar to this one, though I do not remember the title anymore. Same scenario prettymuch.... Be creative when writing, it will give you a much more thorough response. I rated it 50 because after reading just the first bit, it seemed too much like plagorism to me.
Good job
Could have been better. But nice effort.
Liked It
I really liked the description, words and enjoyed it very much.
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