She'd already kissed him repeatedly when he gave her that "first kiss." Otherwise it was very hot...
by
Anonymous07/27/05
a great story...mostly
You've done some fine work, and this another great story...except for a few flaws which, basically, look as if you were in a hurry and didn't let it get cold before running a final edit.
The "first kiss" remark misses the semi-attack at the hotel room door. She began buttoning her blouse...and her cleavage was revealed; it would appear that you left out an "un-". And you wrote "it would be foolish to admit it...", but from context it is clear that you meant "to deny it". Individually, it's all relatively minor stuff, but each one tends to distract from the reading. And then, that's the whole point, isn't it?
You write well, and this is a good piece. Just don't let haste hinder your work.
ok so i messed up the kisses don... what makes you more upset, that or the mention on birth control? come on, diff people have diff fantasies... do you even like ANY of my stories? so why are you still reading them???
i didn't have time to go over the flaws at all. This story is already very hot to make up for all the mistakes in it...if there are any...Can always count on you to make a real good story, angel!
Admit vs deny, and the first kiss comment was wrong? The story was well written with a solid understanding of human nature and hot. Goldeniangel consistantly puts together entertaining stories in several genres.
by
Anonymous09/05/05
awesome
ok, whoever said it was bad can go to hell. I loved it.
Awesome story. It's like you pulled the fantasy out of my head! Older men are so incredible... I especially like the description of her first orgasm. I will have to check out your other stories now.
by
Anonymous11/24/07
WHAT???
I AM EFFING GLAD That she mentions birth control HELLO! Do we NOT aLREADY have this problem in the US. I AM a single mom and personally though I love my son to death and would do ANYTHING for him. I still wish I had waited till I was out of HS and out of College! BIRTHCONTROL IS A GOOOOOD THING! UGH! I LOVE this story its hot, and though I myself am not into older men persay, I still thought it was hot!
by
11/24/07
Very Hot!
Very hot story. It was well written however I think putting words in capitals is a bit of a distraction. Of course there could be more character development but it was a short hot story.
The idea of a younger woman with one of her dad's friends is very erotic. You described the sex scenes incredibly well. Aside from a few minor misplacements of words/grammar, this story is practically perfect!
I loved this story =) So good! Don't listen to a thing don says ever, he's such a fucktard and apparently is closedminded enough to think that every story on Lit has to appeal to him personally, since obviously there couldn't be people who like anything different than him. He leaves the same shit comments on my stories because I like for a guy to cum in the chick's ass, which is so horrible, apparently. Anyways, great story, it was soooooooo hot! ;)
by
08/14/10
soo hot
Oh, Goldeniangel, you sure can make me cum ;) Victor is such a hot man. Too bad he declared it a one-time thing... wonder if it's possible to keep such a promise...
English
first kiss?
She'd already kissed him repeatedly when he gave her that "first kiss." Otherwise it was very hot...
a great story...mostly
You've done some fine work, and this another great story...except for a few flaws which, basically, look as if you were in a hurry and didn't let it get cold before running a final edit.
The "first kiss" remark misses the semi-attack at the hotel room door. She began buttoning her blouse...and her cleavage was revealed; it would appear that you left out an "un-". And you wrote "it would be foolish to admit it...", but from context it is clear that you meant "to deny it". Individually, it's all relatively minor stuff, but each one tends to distract from the reading. And then, that's the whole point, isn't it?
You write well, and this is a good piece. Just don't let haste hinder your work.
-- KVK
The shits! What a letdown!
The kisses were all mixed up, and I don't know in these fantasy stories why there has to be any mention of birth control....
ok...
ok so i messed up the kisses don... what makes you more upset, that or the mention on birth control? come on, diff people have diff fantasies... do you even like ANY of my stories? so why are you still reading them???
there were flaws?
i didn't have time to go over the flaws at all. This story is already very hot to make up for all the mistakes in it...if there are any...Can always count on you to make a real good story, angel!
very hott
A few minor flaws... but just that-minor. Don't listen to the other perfectionists. Still hot and oh so sexy!!!
Messed up kiss?
Admit vs deny, and the first kiss comment was wrong? The story was well written with a solid understanding of human nature and hot. Goldeniangel consistantly puts together entertaining stories in several genres.
awesome
ok, whoever said it was bad can go to hell. I loved it.
You read my mind...
Awesome story. It's like you pulled the fantasy out of my head! Older men are so incredible... I especially like the description of her first orgasm. I will have to check out your other stories now.
WHAT???
I AM EFFING GLAD That she mentions birth control HELLO! Do we NOT aLREADY have this problem in the US. I AM a single mom and personally though I love my son to death and would do ANYTHING for him. I still wish I had waited till I was out of HS and out of College! BIRTHCONTROL IS A GOOOOOD THING! UGH! I LOVE this story its hot, and though I myself am not into older men persay, I still thought it was hot!
Very Hot!
Very hot story. It was well written however I think putting words in capitals is a bit of a distraction. Of course there could be more character development but it was a short hot story.
A Steamy Subject
The idea of a younger woman with one of her dad's friends is very erotic. You described the sex scenes incredibly well. Aside from a few minor misplacements of words/grammar, this story is practically perfect!
great story
I loved this story =) So good! Don't listen to a thing don says ever, he's such a fucktard and apparently is closedminded enough to think that every story on Lit has to appeal to him personally, since obviously there couldn't be people who like anything different than him. He leaves the same shit comments on my stories because I like for a guy to cum in the chick's ass, which is so horrible, apparently. Anyways, great story, it was soooooooo hot! ;)
soo hot
Oh, Goldeniangel, you sure can make me cum ;) Victor is such a hot man. Too bad he declared it a one-time thing... wonder if it's possible to keep such a promise...
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