by gordo12
Well done. This could be made into a longer story including retribution against all the cheats and disloyal wife.
More please.
Awesome Gordo, 5/5 for short,sweet vengence.
Although I do echo the other commenter that this could easily use a follow-up to document the fallout.
do not leave any thing to chance or serendipity. TK U MLJ LV NV
As someone whose editor always says, "needs more," I understand the difficulty in writing longer stories, but why an artificial limit? Write story, if 800 words, so be it.
Shouldn’t have mixed the 750 word challenge and April Fools challenge together.
Seems like a great deal of effort and expense to have her confess what he already knew. The on-camera thing is silly, but what the hell. I’m also a believer in less is more. His wife is suddenly the village whore (best friend AND two others???). A singular affair would have been sufficient and more impactful.
Anyway, premise was good and it was a fun read. Just would’ve been better suited to a longer format.
No minced words. Great impact! I think it's an April Fools .winner
Boy I wish this was longer...but you covered all the points in a most creative way. Thanks for a good story.
When I went looking for April Fool ideas I ran into three good ideas. I had just realized I could have entered into the 750 challenge and missed it. My bad!
April Fool pranks (usually) being short I decided to write all three stories in the 750 format for practice. However the Cheat-ify story was a little dark so I decided to publish it separately. Cheat-ify was a hit so the sequel followed written as a flash story.
It's just that these were all written a month ago and I didn't feel the need to change them. Short sweet and hopefully entertaining for April Fools. But it is a contest so please vote!
Short and sharp.
Some stories you don't want to exist or at least be shorter, the way this was executed I would have been happy if it was longer too.
Thanks.
Hard to give stories this short a 5*, but yours earned it.
cheaters with consequences
couldn `t be better
5* million hardons and 5 orgasms
great job
I don't get the point of doing 750 words when there is no longer a challenge for it.
Also, in this day and age, is it normal to read a paper newspaper every morning and have a land line in your house? How would he have been able to get someone to make and print a believable fake newspaper? It's not that easy.
Also, he was able to get people to live stream the commission of a felony... Posing as government agents...
Too much to believe. Too short to care.
KB
Pretty funny stuff. He was right on top of her cheating. And simply wouldn't accept it. Ignore the stupid naysayers. I liked the 750 word challenge. Some of the stories were very good. Some were very bad. But it was interesting to see what could be accomplished in 750 words. This story was a good example of BTB in 750 words. Why is anyone complaining? I had to laugh at KB's comments. Most people I know have land lines in case the power goes out and the cell towers don't work, they can still communicate. Most still get the newspaper. Some just read the business page. Some just read the Sports Page. Some read the entire paper. But 8 of 10 people on my street get a daily paper. The "fake newspaper"? Easy peasey lemon squeezy. There are at least 2 printers in our town that could print up a believable newspaper. King, do you live in the boondocks? As for streaming something on U-tube or other social media? Practically any kid could do that for you. So your arguments ring hollow and just seem like sour grapes. Thanks for the entertaining story. Keep after it!
5 stars
Made really good use of his 750 words. Wish other authors were as efficient.
You said all you needed to say in 750 words. Great imagination and writing. Now give us a multi chapter story.
To be clear, I have no problem with "short and sweet." As I have said, I have my own problems putting "more" into my stories!
I don't even have an issue if the short story just HAPPENS to be 750 words.
My issue is when the story is complete, happens to be 760 words, or whatever, and a special effort is made to cut it down to 750 in the absence of any special requirement to do so.
I gotta have all the facts in order to score this. His ex is still in shock and never uttered a word. She might have just bought them to smuggle heroin or cocaine across the mexican border as a way to increase their planned retirement funds and buy him a bass boat... isin't that what most loving wives do?
That was the best belly laugh I've had all morning. Yeah, a bass boat. Saw that one coming NOT :-)
Thanks for the amusing comment!
To Anonymous 3/1/2019 read ALL the words:
I copied:
Amelia was quiet, sobs starting to wrack the air, "yes."
"We need names and addresses."
She named my best friend and two husbands we saw socially.
Short and sweet story; I give it a 5
Good thinking on his part. Too bad we couldn't get that kind of cooperation from the public. 5*****.
Great short story where the husband is not destroyed by the wife's infidelity. Gave it a 5.
Met the requirements of 750 but it still has to be believable.
She’s going to get whatever his raise is anyway. He earned it while they were married.
Stupid.
You must live someplace unusual, if most people are getting the newspaper! Almost every newspaper on the country is suffering greatly decreased circulation, and even the Washington Post had to be saved by Jeff Bezos’ bucks.
Land lines? That’s something for businesses these days. I’veg known a couple people who had to maintain them because someone’s pacemaker needed it!
. . . the same author wrote two April Fool’s Day 750 word stories, and took them in completely opposite directions. That’s creativity.
Would have been better in a full story. Too many quick decisions and actions that take a lot of time to think of, let alone plan, then find strangers willing to act for you.
The jumping through the story detrscted from wha t could be really good.
You wrote two 750 word tales. The other one was cute, and I gave it a well-deserved five. This one, well come on, you had to throw in a BTB. This was a throw-away, too contrived, too well packaged. I don't vote if I don't like them, so I read it and left it, now try something different.
Jedd Clampett (carvohi)
P.S. You're fun to read, and good for the genre. I just didn't like this one.
"Holy smoke the scumbag broke",said Barnacle Bill the sailor. ~ Now,in 750 words,lets see you have hubby take revenge on his best friend and the other two socially diseased husbands that the April fool fucked.
But a great little story that really hit the nail on the head. All the elements of a wonderful story without all the filler. Well done. I loved it. Easy 5 😊😊😊😊😊.
Creative concept, good execution, complete story, no big holes, kind of Mission Impossible.
You rocked it !!
A good story seeing that THIS April Fool's day must still come ... it is just over 18 days away today! Well planned and executed! Loved it!
I'm surprised that it's actually doable to write a short story with little to no actual eroticism on this site AND have it be fairly well received. Commendable!
With that said, I have to agree with the many other commentators saying that the story suffers from the 750 word challenge. It was definitely excellently written but there was no weight to anything in the story with the speed events flying by like race cars. A couple of hundred extra words would've benefitted it greatly.
It's not my type of story, but I do see that you are skilled. So do keep writing. Forget about challenges if there is nothing to gain.
My parents keep a true telephone landline for MedicAlert-type pager purposes.
My wife insists we keep a true telephone landline for 911. We live (apartments) in a cell “shadow” area so cellphone is spotty. Absolute truth — people in our building go out to the street, or across) to get a cell signal. Many many many times I go out and see 2-3 others across the street on sidewalk strolling and talking on cellphone (signal is good enough in building for texting, but verbal is all mucked up, and cuts out often). We have hardwired internet access, and can get optional phone, from cable company, but cable company cannot guarantee phone (i.e. 911) access if building power goes off, so wife insists on Ma-Bell.
For purposes of this story, cable TV line can be considered “landline”, assuming they have cable (or Digital satellite TV/internet). And who doesn’t now days. So streaming would be available.
People in my neighborhood did the exact same thing as in his, trying to use their cellphones. Sadly, with upgraded technology, it has only gotten worse, and we can't get a cell until we drive down to a major boulevard a mile away. The cell company wanted to add towers to the area, but the community stopped them. I assume those people are anti-vaxers, too. And I don't live in Amish country, either. I live in a major suburban community halfway up a mountainside, eighteen miles from downtown Los Angeles!
Very nice little BTB story, and I appreciate the homage to Stangstar06’s gum snapping process server.
.....restricted by the 750 word limit but a lot said in a few words. Yes, allowed to be a full sized story, it would have developed into a very good tale. The author shows much talent in putting forth the relevant points in a few words. I intend to sample some more of his work. 5*s.
...and neither is as good as this. It's perfect. Nothing is missing and you did it in 750 words. Good job!
Very well done. I've done these 750 word challenges and it's not easy to do well. This one is actually very complete, considering you only had 750 words to do it. Almost as good as the new story I just proof-read ;) Five stars and well deserved!
Unique and believable. More please. A five star if rating was possible... none available on this one.
Process server certainly gets around. Short, sweet, original and all streamed live. Great job. ***** anyway since we can't vote. Signed: BTW
The best of Scorp's April Fools triology. Burning four cheaters with one prank.
This was ingenious. I would have given this an easy 5.
Concerning the scoring, I apologize. The story attracted a troll who was making multiple ugly posts every day. I finally had to shut voting off to get rid of him. He was hitting a couple of other stories, and they got shut down too.
Excellent little story, great concept, very "with the times."
Trolls are prime examples of advanced stupidity, literally useless dregs on society. It's not just here, they're everywhere. Little pains in the ass.
Constructive criticism of a story? Yep, I'm pretty convinced that most authors appreciate that, even if they decline to make suggested changes. As in "suggested."
And sure, not everything is for everyone. To pan a story in a vile manner just because you have issues with the premise? Go read something else. If the author has a history of writing what you have issues with, go read someones work that exemplifies your personal wants. Quit wasting our time with your BS!
Brilliant, have to say it he acted fast!
Only downside was it wasn't long enough lol
I doubt it was for the narrator. As Sheldon said on The Big Bang Theory, "Payback really is the B-word."
...csak azért 4 mert a véáge kissé összecsapott...
Translation for anyone interested:
Anonymousabout 8 hours ago
Szavazni nem tudunk,mert nincsenek csillagok,de 4 csillag
...csak azért 4 mert a véáge kissé összecsapott...
***********************************************
Anonymousabout 8 hours ago
We can't vote because there are no stars, but 4 stars
... It's only because his vera has clashed a little...
Yeah, sorry about that. It was getting hit by a troll and the score driven down. So I locked it. But I'll take your vote in spirit! 😊
Definitely 5 stars in many ways:
Fast BTB. No ado or too much explanation... just a backstabbing bitch who got caught and burned.
original idea. At least until now, I hadn't read anything like it.
Despite being very fanciful in the arrangements for the "prank", I liked the way it unfolded and the plot set up.
The icing on the cake: her confessing, unknowingly, to family, friends, and all of Facebook.
Great job. Too bad I can't have a vote. But that's just my opinion.
Wish it had been longer, good plot and well moved. A joy to read, thank you.