Only criticism is that it's really a sex scene with a minimal set-up, kind of like a porn movie where the guy shows up to fix the cable and butt fucks the girl. It would be a better story if her being a dancer mattered in the story. But I liked it.
This wasn't up to your usual standards. Not much buildup, and little detail on the people involved which means there's not much for us readers to go on when trying to work our way into the scene. Plus the writing seems rather rushed, almost like you were writing for a deadline.
My advice would be to take your time building the storyline up and let the story flow as it would in real life.
by
Anonymous08/01/05
agree about buildup
but sometimes there is none. I liked how she remained in control.
by
Anonymous08/01/05
Rugmouth
The name Boxlicker is quite appropriate, as you do very well describing eating pussy! Keep em cumming......
by
Anonymous08/01/05
Good Pussy Feasting
Excellent story; your description of eating Marlena's pussy makes it seem like the reader is right there with you. Keep the stories coming! And next time, ditch the condom :)
by
Anonymous10/21/09
Loved it one critique but its minor
Your stories are awesome and I like them all but they are becoming a bit like a commercial for astroglide try using some other lubes like anal ease or Id glide or KY or a personal favorite Mineral oil Just to keep things from sounding redundant.
English
slick Story
This was really good.I liked the fact that she wanted it and was in control but they both enjoyed it. Look forward to more
Enjoyed the story
Only criticism is that it's really a sex scene with a minimal set-up, kind of like a porn movie where the guy shows up to fix the cable and butt fucks the girl. It would be a better story if her being a dancer mattered in the story. But I liked it.
Needs more buildup.
This wasn't up to your usual standards. Not much buildup, and little detail on the people involved which means there's not much for us readers to go on when trying to work our way into the scene. Plus the writing seems rather rushed, almost like you were writing for a deadline.
My advice would be to take your time building the storyline up and let the story flow as it would in real life.
agree about buildup
but sometimes there is none. I liked how she remained in control.
Rugmouth
The name Boxlicker is quite appropriate, as you do very well describing eating pussy! Keep em cumming......
Good Pussy Feasting
Excellent story; your description of eating Marlena's pussy makes it seem like the reader is right there with you. Keep the stories coming! And next time, ditch the condom :)
Loved it one critique but its minor
Your stories are awesome and I like them all but they are becoming a bit like a commercial for astroglide try using some other lubes like anal ease or Id glide or KY or a personal favorite Mineral oil Just to keep things from sounding redundant.
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