Connie's Health Club Adventure

Basic writing skills

It's disconcerting to have the text switch from first person to third person in the middle of a paragraph then back to first person a little later. Other than that, slightly above average on the story.

I agree with Anon below

They begin to wash each other as Dirk is anxious to feel more of this blonde beauty. Connie is soaping up Dirk's testicles and penis until he is fully erect again and exposed in the shower.


I think at this point you forgot what you were writing

The cheating whore

I hope Connie has Dirk tied around her finger because when the husband gets wind of her fucking Dirk her gold mine iis going to be sealed off from her and when he gets the evidence that she is committing adultry she will lose that daughter real fast so Connie better have her ass covered really good .

Very sexy... very nice detail and interesting characters. Watch out for shifting tenses/POV, though!

I'll be sure to check out the rest of the series ;)

Nice story, but ...

Nice story, but there's a disorienting shift between first- and third-person narrative on the last page. Not hard to fix.