All Comments on 'Zoo Interrupted'

by AntiMM

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  • 112 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
nice

that was a fun read. keep it up.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
You gotta

You got the Great Beginnings of a story. Please continue it.

26thNC26thNCabout 5 years ago
Very good

That was just a very good story. You left a lot of room to follow this with another longer story. You have the talent, give us more. Thanks for this one.

ju8streadingju8streadingabout 5 years ago

this would have been better if it wasn't so short.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago

Enough with the 750 word stories! 1*

AgroundagainAgroundagainabout 5 years ago
Ha!

750 words that made me laugh out loud at the incongruity of it all. Nice work!

mambrkemambrkeabout 5 years ago
5*

Short and sweet. Liked all 750 words of it :)

Dc5655Dc5655about 5 years ago
Follow this up

You gotta follow this up. This time the mom’s perspective knowing that her son knows and how her marriage now is beyond life support

HighpikeHighpikeabout 5 years ago
An interesting premise

Well done

MollydaKatMollydaKatabout 5 years ago
Fuq 'em

I'm giving you five stars for the name alone !

sbrooks103xsbrooks103xabout 5 years ago
Excellent!

Nothing like putting the fear of God into them! I get the impression that there's no hope for her?

A couple of nit picks. Gotta maintain my rep!

"This was the sort of restaurant where they offered tastings and a prix fixe menu. Graham could afford it." - While I DO believe they usually are, but tastings an prix fixe aren't NECESSARILY expensive..

"my son sauntered passed the maître de" - It's "sauntered past" and. "maître d' "

SpencerfictionSpencerfictionabout 5 years ago
Youth power

Good riddance to the Mom and a brick hat for the cuckolder. Nice.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
You had a great story

That could have scored better with a title like ... "The Last Time I Spoke to Mom" or "My Last Conversation with Mom".... and the whipped cream on top would have been dumping the contents of both lunches in the cheaters laps, or maybe on their heads.... just as a simple demonstration of the future for both of them.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Whoa...

Nice spin on an old gem. Solid.

OPrimeOPrimeabout 5 years ago
The Kid's Got it

It is so much fun cheating...ha!

SkubabillSkubabillabout 5 years ago
Great story

All I can say is write a lot more.

Wonderman1Wonderman1about 5 years ago
Very good

Great first story. I hope you continue to write more. Good luck to you.

TwentysevenTwentysevenabout 5 years ago
Loved it

Very unusual angle and great economy of words.

dragonmann72dragonmann72about 5 years ago
Great 750 word story

no how about the rest of the story. I would love to here about Grahamm's reaction (money or not).

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Great!

Funny and unique. I like the way the son just takes over the illicit lunch and blows “mom” and her cheating ways into the open, using a “friend” as a cover story. He basically runs down her slutty life and tells her how it’s going to be now that he and his Dad know—as well as warning mr. boy toy what his future entails for fucking around with a Mom and wife. You’ll probably have a bunch of readers begging/demanding a sequel (as a bunch of us love to watch the cheating bitch squirm through the breakup), but this is just right. I hope you post again soon!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Very Original

I read a lot of stories on this site and this story was different and fun to read. You did good.

neilnblowme2neilnblowme2about 5 years ago
great monologue

i d like to know what the mother and graham are thinking now

5 stars 10000 hardons and the beginning of an orgasm

JayDiverJayDiverabout 5 years ago
Great

Realistic consequences for a highly probable situation. It's great to read a BTB flavored story that's not over the top yet highly possible in today's social environment.

Thanks, 5's from me.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Perfect

BTB!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
I just don't like these 750 word stories.

So far I've read one that I considered an actual story. The rest, like this one, are just vignettes of a story. I like the premise of this and the writing is okay, it's just too bad the writer chose to limit what could have been a good story, to just a few words.

Crazy2WheelerCrazy2Wheelerabout 5 years ago
Brilliant!

Seriously smart kids, a little bit of research regarding minors & assault and BANG, problem goes sideways for dear old mom. LOL

Well written!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Short, sharp, sweet

I liked it. Left me wondering If Mom got the hint. I guarantee Sailing did. If putting a face to the abstract “family” didn’t bring out the guilt, the thought of meeting 5 of Andrew’s friends brought out the fear.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Wow

That was awesome

Now I want to see how it ended

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
What a Good Son

Great way to open your writing portfolio.

MbgdallasMbgdallasabout 5 years ago
Well that was bad.

Obviously didn’t do a very good job of raising her son. Such disrespect.

And a boy that age wouldn’t have a clue to do that. And he is sorely mistaken about sentencing in this day and age. He would be classified as an adult and sentenced to a long life.

silentsoundsilentsoundabout 5 years ago
Loved this short!

You also brought a cheated son into the mix and I really appreciate the sentiment.

It felt good.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Zoo

Nicely done with a new twist I have not seen on loving wives. More please.

Just_WordsJust_Wordsabout 5 years ago
Yes!!! 5*****

That was original and great! I wish I'd thought of it, but I didn't and you did. Good job! I loved the monologue as well as the subtle and not-so-subtle demeaning of Graham. Thank you for sharing that one.

sdc97230sdc97230about 5 years ago
Consolation

She may be a lousy, cheating wife, but somehow she managed to instill good values into her son.

BillandKateBillandKateabout 5 years ago
Short & Sweet

Very good - 5 stars for this different take on the old theme.

ScorpioJJScorpioJJabout 5 years ago
Bam!

Good kid. His dad will be very proud. Graham should run. Otherwise his life is going to be short. Good story.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago

Love that kid!

NorthwestnutcrkrNorthwestnutcrkrabout 5 years ago
Excellent!

Excellent! I enjoyed the monologue. I salute your creative trip through the LW minefield of anonymous comment.

Ducky7Ducky7about 5 years ago
Seems kids are smarter

Than adults give them credit for...… loved it... Thanks

notredame43notredame43about 5 years ago
a kid defending his dad

nicely done 5 stars

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Anti MM ?

Anti MM?

sbrooks103xsbrooks103xabout 5 years ago
750 Words?

I'm not a fan of all the 750 word stories, but this one works for me.

@Anonymous "Great!" - I'm not entirely sure that the story was made up or not. Either way it works as a nice threat/promise!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Great!

Great

luedonluedonabout 5 years ago
Don't do it, AntiMM

There are commenter requests for you to do further episodes of this story. What you have given us here was good and clever; having the son reacting to the infidelity rather than the husband, and using the monologue style, was different from most offerings in the Loving Wives category.

Doing a follow-up story in response to the LW commentariat, rather than a second chapter already planned by the author, is rarely satisfying for them or (from personal experience) for the author.

Lue

Ps: Your biog notes are uninformative. When a new author with an interesting approach to stories makes a submission I, for one, like to know a little about the things that influence that author. Perhaps a note or two please?

CrazyDaveTrucker60CrazyDaveTrucker60about 5 years ago
Perfecto

Really well done. This could even go another chapter or two if you wanted. Well done

StormKing33StormKing33about 5 years ago
5* Short Intense Enjoyable

I like that kid! He already does the talk and walk of a real man. Needs a follow up story.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
I see mom sitting alone at the table and black tire tracks out of the restaurant parking lot.

Nicely delivered message.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

jocko_smithjocko_smithabout 5 years ago
Love the approach

Perfect monologue, complete with teen sarcasm.

andyinozandyinozabout 5 years ago
Very refreshing

The son taking action instead of the father. Nice approach. Well written.

5*s

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
I bet mom had a short meal 😂

Five dude

Freddog6601Freddog6601about 5 years ago
Well done

Good originality. Well crafted dialogue.

Good read

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Great job...

...enjoyed the read. Very clever. 5 stars thanx!

Loklie

Impo_64Impo_64about 5 years ago
A very good story...

A very good story...short and to the point...5* (4* for the story and one more star for the pseudonym...)

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago

Nice different take on a familiar story. Thanks.

KingBandorKingBandorabout 5 years ago
How about this for chapter 2

Graham is walking to his car after fucking Mom. He is jumped by Andrew, his brother and three friends. Graham has his CWL, pulls out a Sig and blows away all 5 of the delinquents. He is acquitted of any charges. Mom gets dumped by hubby. She is left with nothing and resorts to turning tricks to support her meth habit.

KB

26thNC26thNCabout 5 years ago
AntiMM

Please don't listen to Lue. She is just terrified that there will be more of her dreaded BTB stories. I think the much maligned commentariat has made their thoughts clear on this story. We love it.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Simply

Oh Yeah! The first 750 word story to hit a 5 for me. Nicely done.

"Buckeye Fan"

MattblackUKMattblackUKabout 5 years ago
That worked very well

The kid had savvy.

SomeOneTwoThreeSomeOneTwoThreeabout 5 years ago
Well done.

A bit of a stretch for LW catagorie,

but we've seen that before and that's not the problem.

The problem is we know nothing about the husband.

So though the idea and plot are good,

a big piece is missing.

4 out of 5 from me.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
I Like

you are going to get some crap responses but good story and I enjoyed

RGWardsRGWardsabout 5 years ago
Excellent!

Loved it!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago

Exactly how they should be treated. Hope his father was liquidateing all assets to cash and his boys names. Refi the house to the hilt and the three of them walk away from her. Then she would be free to fuck and suck as many guys as she wants

meucimeuciabout 5 years ago
really liked it

very enjoyable, now please add a 2nd part to finish it up maybe say be waiting in the parking lot with my tire iron.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Damn

To the point.

luedonluedonabout 5 years ago
Here's a thought, AntiMM

Since there's so many of the commentariat who desire a follow-up chapter, rather than doing the usual BTB (having the Bitch or the Bastard Burned), have the Boy Burned instead. (Murder is always perfectly acceptable in a LW story.)

It turns out that the Bastard is a really bad one and he calls on all his evil henchmen to cause the son to disappear forever. He explains to his lady friend that he's allergic to bricks to the back of the head. (Don't forget, you should always include the motive. You forgot to include the Martian Slut Ray in the first chapter.)

Continue with the monologue style. They thought it worked well. Graham didn't say anything in the first chapter, he's been storing it all up for the second one.

That should keep them happy.

Lue

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
That was really fun. The children Finally get a say in what adultery does to their life.

And who ends up paying.

Really though, if the father is that clueless and the marriage is that shallow, tepid, and distant, what's the loss? The son and rest of the family are Much better off without her. Let her go. There's Plenty of good women looking for a good family.

UltimateHomeBodyUltimateHomeBodyabout 5 years ago
Short

Is it the season for partial stories, writing half a scene at best.

You write well enough, so give yourself time and put together a full story.

tazz317tazz317about 5 years ago
THE HIT MAN GIVES CLUES

as what to expect, how, why but not when wishing both to have a great day, haha TK U MLJ LV NV

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 5 years ago
Confused

This story confuses me.Okay the woman is obviously having an affair but what happens next?

Rhinoman1951Rhinoman1951almost 5 years ago
BRILLIANT !

I am amused by those who NEED the story finished. It is finished, and so are the cheaters. Lover boy will spend his time jumping at every sound and shadow. Mommie dearest will be nonexistent in her family. In the words of the late great " 'Nuff said "

SlipperySaddleBumSlipperySaddleBumalmost 5 years ago
Anonymous 04/12/19 is "CONFUSED"??

I'm confused that there are so many stupid people have survived to adulthood. This airhead is probably confused when he tries to tie a shoe.

Instead of protecting these useless dimwits, we should allow Nature and "Survival Of The Fittest" to rule.

⭐ + ⭐ + ⭐ + ⭐= 4

AnonymousAnonymousover 4 years ago

People like me want the ending to be, husband kicks his cheating ass out and kids do not talk to her. The man ends up in the hospital from a so-called accident. Now, this is the ending.

jtwheelsjtwheelsover 4 years ago
Absolutely great 5 stars

Cheating caught punished and

Dude is really going to get it

No children and no grandchildren

YES

enjayemenjayemover 4 years ago
Great flash

3 people, one scene, plenty of dialogue, just missed a good twist at the end. 5*

26thNC26thNCabout 4 years ago

Reading again, this really good story. Haven't seen anything else from you, hope you didn't buy into Lue's anti BTB garbage. She would contend that the kid's mother is just having an innocent, little affair with no harm done to anyone.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 4 years ago
Stink of this Garbage lingers thickly in miasma of a dread.

Are you any relation to JimBob ?? 1* of course.

jtwheelsjtwheelsalmost 4 years ago
Again had to make it favorite way to go son. Thinking of Dad not cheating slut mom

Brick too easy

Unless 2 of them with balls between

LickideesplitLickideesplitalmost 4 years ago

It doesn't get any better than THAT ... if you are Son. Not sure if it sux more if you are Mom, or Graham. Graham is out of one supper, and probably Sweetie’s supper as well! He has also paid for two more and the pussy-percentage tonight is a negative number. And for a REALLY long time with Sweetie. Nah ... I’ll go with Sweetie. If Andrew-Son plays it cool, she will be on tenterhooks until Son goes to college (far away). Nor des that mean he won’t get drunk at a frat-rush party, forget who talked Dad into getting him a new ‘Vette, call and clue Old Clueless in!

5* of course!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 4 years ago
Great!

Super compact and full of energy. Well done - 5* all day long.

secretosmiossecretosmiosalmost 4 years ago

Damn! I have been there. Sort of.

I was tha Hub, whem my son discovered my wife. But instead of telling me, he kept silence. Son feared that I would divorce the bitch, thus he and my daughter woul be in the center of the storm.

Almost by chance, I found out 10 years after the five-year'long affair was over.

AnonymousAnonymousover 3 years ago
Tight

Tight, with a powerful message. Awesome. 5*

Just_WordsJust_Wordsover 3 years ago
I read it again. 5***** all the way.

I would be proud to have a son like that or a friend. You can tell who raised that boy and it wasn't the wife. Good story and well told.

MightyHornyMightyHornyover 3 years ago

An easy 5🌟 to one of the best flash stories in LW.

No need for a follow up- all that needed to be said was already laid out.

whateverittakeswhateverittakesover 3 years ago

Mama didn't raise this guy; he's his dad's son.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 3 years ago

Glad to see you writing a reality story. I hope that readers of most of the genres on Literotica realize they are reading fantasy. Better to have an open group marriage that is happy and actively responsible to their parenting duties and joys, rather than a standard 2-person couple with tawdry sneaking and lying and shirking obligations of parenting. Good luck on that, too.

secretsalsecretsalalmost 3 years ago

What a stud, getting a free lunch out of it as well.

ScorpioJJScorpioJJalmost 3 years ago

I hope Graham isn't allergic to bricks upside his head. If he is he should start running and never look back.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 3 years ago

Yaaay!

LWlurker

usaretusaretover 2 years ago

Sounds like it will work, F**k her. Beat his ass to a crippled mess.

jimjam69jimjam69over 2 years ago

Gutsy move by the kid. Good for him (bad for her)

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

Good premise. Poor execution. Story disjointed no flow to the action. It feels like a quick sketch, not a complete story.

Helen1899Helen1899about 2 years ago

What a great story, totally different than any other, hard to do.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 2 years ago

Just stumbled across this…what a gem! In fact, so good that it BEGGED to be more than a 750 word tale. So desperately needed at least one more paragraph of her and Graham’s reaction!

.

5 *****!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 2 years ago

I don't like short stories much. and I prefer some sex details. But this title caught my eye.

Neat. A five.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 2 years ago

How did I miss this one? What a good son! Watching out for the family! Funny, I would have thought that his mom would have been doing that? 5🌟 - TANSTAAFL

BodyThiefByTheBayBodyThiefByTheBayalmost 2 years ago

a serious clever twist! Big 5 STARS

Flow Excellent

Grammar very good

Story Excellent

Very Innovative

Excellent First story

iameaseliameaselalmost 2 years ago

How I missed this I have no idea.

This is the kind of thinking out of the usual box that we need more of around here, quite honestly.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 2 years ago

This story prove one doesnt need thousands of words to create a gem.

12
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