All Comments on 'Then Something Happened Pt. 01'

Vague explanations and confusing statements. Lack of continuity and flow. Perhaps English is second language? Need editor.

so who grabbed the towel

It's just odd. A husband puts his wife on display to ward off a slutty wife?

Women don't have magical muscles over men. He could physically grab this slutty wife and push her away. Tell her to stop or he'll stop coming over. Worse he could tell her husband. So many less complicated and direct solutions.

Well, it worked. You had an idea. You needed to flesh it out better, but at least you had a new idea. I'v never read that angle before, so that's pretty cool.

You start talking about BDSM and you should automatically be in the category. Your POV for telling this makes for a lousy read. It was neither sexy or erotic. The lead character, especially, came off as an idiot. Not good.

1 star

Didn't understand much of this. What I did understand didn't make sense.

Yep there were some flaws, but very minor in terms of the whole 'something happened' concept.

Flowed well for a succession of flash stories.

And Yes, More in this vein will be appreciated.

HDK's points are valid. Taking them all on board would make these stories, or series, very generic.

It's not a Beatles tune but there is a song out there " Do what you do do well. "

Cheers and Thanks.

Kilroy.

Did he demand anal on the first date? Did he demand they pass a DNA test to ensure viable offspring? Why would every teenager and college woman dump him for being “ too demanding”?

Also, if he won the lottery why did every ex girlfriend suddenly take an interest in him? What about non-ex girlfriends? Did they take an interest in him? What about strange men? Distant relatives? Why only mention his ex girlfriends as the only culprit?

At this point I stopped reading. I’m not sure why he would date/fuck women he already fucked when there is a whole world of available women he hasn’t.

HDK was kind.

In any case, if there is more to the story, why isn't it here? We CAN read, 2, 3, even 4 pages at a time! Even if there are logical "breaks," you had no trouble indicating ch 1 and continuing with ch 2, why not continue with ch 3?

What happened?

Agree about the too demanding as being undefined.

Agree about why exes came back, and what the new york thing tried to accomplish.

Why did he buy the mansion? That came out of nowhere.

Why did he go to a bdsm conference? You had not mentioned anything about his fetish before. And why the extras package?

Why was she looking for someone at the conference? What was she looking for and was he the one she sought?

They got married, so what. Is this because they set up a website together. You tied these 2 things together.

Stopped here as it seemed to now be based around bdsm, not LW. Prob why I hadn't understood anything written. Not into that stuff. Perhaps move it to that category.

Next story use the tags to highlight the content.

This is just bad writing!

Exhibitionism is erotic as long as we don't get a slut pulling a train which is not at all erotic. But I do not get the Max having sex at a BDSM event suddenly switching to Bob/Juliette pool side.