as a sub, i applaud your comments. there are too many wanna be's one has to wade thru in order to find that one Dom a gal needs. some of the wanna be's can be so slick, you don't know you are with one till it's too late. we subs need an alert system that sounds off when we get near one.
I,myself, though that Dom's where sick bullies until about a year ago. I had read a BDSM story that offended me and responded to the writer. Over several e-mails I changed my mind about the lifestyle. Are there sickos out there pretending to be real Dom's? Yes. But there are also real BDSM relationships where both partners are in love with each other and respect each other. In responce to the comment about "Respect". I think that in a truly loving BDSM relationship there is more respect than in most so called normal relationships. The lifestyle is more about control than pain or bondage. The pain and bondage are off shoots of the lifestyle. I think that most people have either dom or sub personalities. Example of this would be myself; the thought of someone controling me is repulsive. I would fight to the death to prevent it. So I have a dom type of base personality. Now my wife likes to be held down while making love, it excites her. So she is more of a sub type of personality. Now I think that the roles played by partners in a relationship are different in different area of their lives. I know many relationships that the male is the dom in the bed room and at "play" time . But the woman is the dom when dealing with money matters. Please let there be more true BDSM stories written to off set the trash.
Brava, for an intelligently written article. The wit had me laughing so hard I fell off my chair!
Too many people (on many subjects) THINK they know what is what, and dont. Thanks for outlining the basics.
As a young sub who has only recently started exploring her identity via the web, I always seem to be approached by people who claim to be Doms, but are really sad little men who just want someone who will do whatever they tell them. I've learned to recognize these guys over the past few months by the fact that they're not interested in any aspect of my personality that isn't sexual. This essay was really a great help for me. It did a wonderful job setting out what to look for in a Dominant. I've thought up some great new screening questions thanks to this essay, and I would highly suggest it to any fellow submissive.
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