All Comments on 'SPLAT! A Love Story'

Funny stuff!

But fun, thanks.

For a change a story with humor.

Loved it.

Heh heh

Thanks for the laughs.

(Paintball? Who'da thunk?)

"I pulled out my phone and dialed the number to the wrecker service." - Um, the phone you left at work? I know it's just a flash, but he made and took a call on a phone that he doesn't have!

"Since neither of us could afford to make our half of the payment" - Don't you mean the OTHER'S half of the payment?

I read your story at 5 o'clock this morning, it made for an easy laugh. It was easy to vote 5's for. Thanks for the story.

That was funny

How could he sue for the MC running an illegal paintball business?

It was clearly not a business and at no point did anyone ever conduct business. Unless his wife is a prostitute, there was no payment for services. Does operating a paintball business require licensing? If so, is that grounds for a civil suit? What were his damages due to the "illegal" operation? He was there to have sex with the wife, not pay to play paintball. Hard to imagine the suit being allowed, let alone winning.

A cute story but all the legal stuff was not needed, to me, and only detracted from the overall story. Sometimes more is too much.

She still betrayed him though.

Loved the story, 5***** Thank You

laughed a bit there but a lot of holes. tow truck be there in 20min before he told them the address, he left his phone at work but was on a cell phone bc u that "swipe" comment. but was funny in the beginning there lol ty for the read

Could you turn me on to what ever drug you are taking?

You are an great writer when not on drugs, other wise you would never make the gaffs you made in this.

I forgot my phone at the shop and was too close to home to turn around and get it.

I stalked back up the stairs, since I had left my phone at home, I grabbed my GoPro camera. was it at home or work?

I pulled out my phone and dialed the number to the wrecker service. oh it was in your pocket.

He started running. I continued shooting at him until he got onto the sidewalk. Once he was off my lot, I put my gun into safe mode and took off my GoPro. I know I did this out of order.

I went into the house and gathered up all Romeo's clothes. I opened his wallet and copied down his address from his license. I tossed all his clothes and his keys into his car and locked it up.

"Meanwhile I have this naked asshat in my house. I am going to give him some clothes and kick him to the curb. now I thought he was already off the property necked.

Still a fun read.

Thanks for writing. Corwin lives! Randi.

Hilarious. Thank you.

I appreciate the comments!

I see I should have left his leaving the phone out of it. The story still plays with the GoPro.

As for the lawsuit, Chester was throwing everything he could think of to make it stick. I wanted to bring the joke about the house being a paintball zone full circle, I agree that it was clumsy at best.

Like I said, this popped into and out of my head quickly. Next time I will take an extra day and tighten it up.

Ahaz

Thanks!

Please write as much as you can.

Fun story!

but ... meh. Do an edit and fix some of the mistakes (like the tow truck conversation and others), add a bit to flesh it out and my "meh" would be a "good".

Now, infuse paint balls with Habanero sauce and i'm sure id laugh my ass off.

FYI YOU CANT SHOOT SOMEONE EVEN WITH PAINT BALLS! I needed to be clear. Whether you like it or not is may well be considered a firearm in many states. It is in mine. Also, Ass Hat was invited into a house that was jointly owned. He CAN NOT deprive him of his property (that is theft) or access to his property IF one of the home owners has given him permission to be there and another home owner CAN NOT revoke the permission once given and deprive him of his property. Depending on the state that could be grand theft. Again, you can not use a potentially lethal weapon on someone just because you want to, that includes tasers, pepper spray, or paintball gun. If you cause injury (believe me they would) that is bodily harm and assault both can be felonies. You can not put the video on the YouTube unless you get permission even with "blurred faces" because the is illegal in many states as well due to cyber bullying laws. This would count there. I know it sounds good, I know it might make you feel better on some level but it is just not worth it.

She should have paid some sort of price for cheating.

Ok, he realizes he and his wife didn’t really have a deep love relationship so makes his peace with what she did and becomes friends and even cohabited with her. I’m cool with that.

But if he is so understanding with her, why does the lover who doesn’t know him, never made promises to him get off so badly? The paintball part, spur of the moment anger I’m cool with, but why go extra steps to ruin his life after? Is it the ten inch penis envy, Or the fact that he was more successful than him? Was it retribution for making him realize he is less than?

Heh, I completely missed him going upstairs for the phone he left at home!

But I think you missed that it was the NEIGHBOR saying that he had a naked guy in his house.

I think some of the legal stuff was probably wrong since his wife had invited him onto their property and into their bedroom. No way the cops allow his car to be towed since they're standing right there. A slim-jim from the tow truck guy and Mr Lawyer is on the road. Also, how does he use a phone he left at work? You had some other mistakes ("Sit on the curb with your underneath your ass"! You dropped the word "hands") that weren't too bad, so the overall story was still pretty entertaining. Thanks for the effort.

Fun story. I enjoyed reading it. Phone issues aside, I think it would have worked better if it had ended with the banker dealing with his wife, and maybe a little comment about the video going viral and the paintball company sponsoring his team. All the stuff about the lawsuit, and him and the wife staying friends and living together and her boyfriend eating his cereal was too much unneeded fat for a flash story.

Thanks for sharing.

Cog

My Tongue got stuck in my Cheek! Loved the story!

But the only real followup to that is "She says she slipped into her bad habits of flirting and teasing, and it led to this." which mean it was exactly what it looked like. If you're going to make a point of having her say something that stupid, you should make a point of directly addressing it.

SPLAT! 5 stars SPLAT!

You thought of an original idea.

You wrote it down for our entertainment.

Not being a serious piece, you didn;t waste too much of your time editing it.

You gave us a laugh.

Well done mate.

A good story, very funny. What would we do without our LW attorneys to make us aware of all the legal implications in an author's fictional story. The English professors and relationship experts will impart their wisdom for the less aware , and the rest of us will just enjoy a good story.

divorce in leisure. Happens all the time. Like drinking and driving, eating unhealthy food, or sending money to that guy in Nigeria who wants to share "50 million U.S." he is secreting out of the country.

Not great, but kind of cute. Sooner or later they are going to start fucking again, or will sell the house and split. Funny thing is, who cares? Completely uninteresting people.

Funny. Good read with original creative content.

there might be a few inconsistencies with the story, but I loved it anyway.

Full marks, 5*s

I was laughing throughout the story, well done!

This was written well and funny. Thanks a bunch.

Enjoyable but wasted to set it all up and only write a few words. Try writing a full tale allowing people, places and events to build.

Should have finished with the guy leaving the property and couple agreeing to divorce. Rest is overkill on the story.

No muss, no fuss. Just the fun facts, mam.

Realistic take of two people not meant to be marry - sure, what Janice did was overall shitty, but at least we didn't the usual idiosyncrasies we normally get with these tales. A more emotionally mature woman would have sit down with her husband to have a serious talk as to whether or not their marriage was actually working, instead of jumping into bed with the first dickhead that told her she smells good today... Hopefully, she learned her lesson for the next time around.

I like the fact they've broke up as friends, but LOVE the fact the MC got his BTB out of the dickhead - that mofo deserved all the pain, financially and physically, his adultery ways lead him to.

A lot of good flashes coming out lately in LW... keep them coming!

That's a new one! Never read or heard of that being used in a divorce case before. Great idea! Certainly worth a five.

Now one admonition. If the guy's going to hang around with his X, Janice, she, and he , will need to have some documentation every now and then proving they're sexually clean.

Who knows? They might even reconcile and make a few kids. It's happened before.

Jedd Clampett

Had me laughing from the start. Good job 5*****

...something different. Liked the paintball angle. There was the pesky phone issue, where the phone was left at work, which made sense cause he couldn't call his wife and tell her he was coming home early, setting up his catching her in the act. Then the phone shows up at home. The civil suits seemed like a reach. While the bastard suffered some, the bitch suffered exactly zero consequences. Overall not bad. Cruising along at 5 stars early, dropping down to 2 stars before finally settling in at 3 stars. Thanx!

Loklie

It appears that of they had gotten to lnow one another in the beginning as they had after the divorce, they might have ever gotten divorced.

I liked the splats. Paintballs are disrespectful, just what the two deserved.

Paintballs, etc. were fun.

But, not his calm reaction - it did not convince.

Same goes for his cheating wife... far too calm

Gotta call BULLSHIT on their lack of feelings

Paintballs do leave welts but fun to play

jtwheels

The splats were fun, but man, that was a nothing marriage.

I enjoyed it very much up until the end. Living with your ex after betrayal, regardless of where the marriage is headed, is a bit too much for me to follow. But I did enjoy the splats very much!

Forgot about this funny little gem. I definitely wouldn't want to catch a paint ball in a sensitive area.

Sorry, but betrayal is betrayal and there has to be some sort of payback for using the marital bed.

But after all it is fiction. 5*

Cuck shit

Five SPLATS.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣Thanks man!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Hilarious.

Alright,Alright,Alright.

How am I just now discovering this author?

Another great story and love the humor.

Good to read a LW type story with people who sound like actual humans instead of angels of vengeance.

Gave it a 5. A fun, clever read. For all you “realists” that comment as if this actually happened, it’s fiction, as in

(Made up) !! No one actually cheated in this “STORY.” Focus on the writers skills and his plot, use of language, etc. This writer does have really good writing skills and making comments about the characters as if they were real is a testament to his writing acumen. Pleas keep writing.😊

Love a bit of humor

Kind of humorous. At least the paintball team made out.

Always a favorite. Thanks.

Would think that glow in the dark florescent orange would have been a better choice.

This is a fun, laugh out loud story!

Hilarious! SPLAT!

Funny. And I liked the last line. Four solid stars.

JPB NOT BOB

What the hell. Changed my mind. Five stars.

JPB NOT BOB