I thought that your "What Now? My Ending DYJ" was good but your 'new edition' is outstanding! Your cleaning up of the language (in my opinion unnecessary) did improve things. You have a really good writing style and I look forward to many more stories by you so keep them cumming.
Pete.
by
Anonymous07/24/06
Very well executed
This was a well put together story, told in an interesting manner, and it kept this reader enraptured all the way through. I like happy endings and the way you gently worked James into his prordained destiny was a treat to follow. Thank you for sharing this story with us.
by
Anonymous10/13/06
A Great tearful ending
That was the best ending with Mark and Bev getting married and having those babies that left me tearyeyed so continue on with the story please.
Pat .
Atlanta,Ga.
by
Anonymous01/26/08
Great Love Story
You really know how to make a person tearful. This is great love story. I love it. -- Thor
by
Anonymous03/26/08
Great Story!!
A very good story with a wonderful ending, excellent!!
by
Anonymous05/06/08
" VERY GOOD! "
" FANDAMNTASTIC ......... please keep up your good standard's .......... Rich ...........
An excellent story that serves as a reminder that Nice guys don't always finish last, and that nice girls can have success as well. Good comeuppance for Mark and Erika
by
Anonymous03/26/09
Great!!
Great story. Could not change a thing to make it better.
I liked it. As long as the story was some of the story seemed a little vague. You kept Bev so far in the background that I was always wanting more about her.
For someone who's never been to Michigan you've done an excellent job with your details, except for the absence of Youper jokes of course. Since you've never been to Michigan that's understandable. Good, well written story. I'm a sucker for "Hollywood Endings" (they lived happily ever after} so you done good.
by
Anonymous12/02/10
Good job! History does repeat itself.
I followed the whole process which was excellent, but was a little disappointed when more was not done to the sleazeball, Mark. after all, he had been robbing the customers account of money through his padding of expenses, which is a felony. I would have liked to have seen
Erika get penalized more for her willingness in the planning of James' death. Not only was she just as guilty as Mark, she was to be a recipient of millions upon James' demise.
5***** story! One of the best! Original and Creative!
If I had of known how good the story is, I would have rated all three chapters 5***** instead of being safe and rating the first two chapters 3***. However, in the past when I rated chapter 1 5*****, too often the story would end up being a 1* and therefore my chapter 1 rating was too high.
I wish the first sex that the two had (finally) would have been quite a bit more detailed. I will read the rest of your stories only I won't read the BDSM and the willing cuckold stories. Keep writing.
There were a lot of unusual decisions made in Part 1, but the author deserves to have some leeway on that. Our hero has some odd distinctions about the women in his life. It is very odd that the investment company did not do any internal auditing. It is almost impossible to believe Mark would have developed that degree of obsession with a young lady everyone seems to believe is OK, but not physically outstanding. For our hero to show up, after months of absence, in a different town and arrive at her apartment within the critical minute to save Sweet Bev's virtue, is much TOO FAR over the top. Coulda (Shoulda) been a lot better! 3*
Jack, que son uno de los mejores escribe en este sitio.
Thank you for such good stories, they are best.
by
Anonymous10/10/12
The only comment I wish to make is that, as far as I am concerned, you have the right formula in the majority of your yarns. Keep up the good work. Thank-you.
by
Anonymous11/01/12
Real, rather than macho.
Granted, this story is unlikely, but I'd like to believe it was true. The people, except for Mark, seem like actual people. Even we who enjoy revenge and payback tales gotta relate to this story.
by
Anonymous12/24/12
I like it
One thing that shines in this story is the good heart of the author. Thank you for a good, solid story.
My preference was for a little sex scene between him and Bev, we waded through three chapters awaiting that. Also I would have like for Mark to have a definite sentence in prison, not just "taken away by the police" or something like that.
Otherwise an excellent story.
It is the unusual that makes a story worth telling
He got there on time - he was rich, he was actually better than he seemed at first -
If those things were not true he would not have had a story worth reading -
It is like actual history - we do not write long treatises on the guys who just survived "back then" we write them about the heroes, the devils, the special times, etc. Nobody wants to memorize dates and names for people who almost made history - same here this is the story of the guy who was, there, rich, good -
Nicely done - you need to loosen up a bit on the dialogue but the other story I read (so far) did better at that so I suspect you are doing well without my help lol
Not one of my favorites of yours. The passage of time in this story seems a bit problematic. I also find it hard to imagine that he is clueless about her having discomfort over his marriage. It seemed obvious, especially given she ran out crying after he told her he was married. And was it a full semester later that he goes back to her, or later that night?
by
Anonymous02/11/14
yep
Good story.....well written.
by
Anonymous02/28/14
I probably slammed you quite a bit with my review on the original this rewrite was based on and I'm sorry for that. That doesn't change the fact that I was right, though. With a bit of effort and an editor, look what good work you've been able to do!
Good storyline but the characters need expanded and it kind of plodded. It could easily been expanded to 3 chapters of 5 or 6 pages each, All it would have taken is a little more background on the characters, expanding the interworking's between Mark and Erika, Going into a little more detail on their plot, and stretching out Bev and James relationship a little. I really like the plot of the story. Find yourself a good editor to help you rework it and resubmit it and I think it will be better received. That said it gets 3 stars for the effort.
English
Great Story!!
A little bit of a whirlwind with Beverly at the end but happy endings are the best.
Enjoyed this tale very much, thought the writing was very good. Flowed well.
I Love Stories That End Well
That makes me a sucker, but you made me happy in the wee hours, and that's good. Thank You. Ronnie W.
Nice
A great ending to this story. I enjoyed it
A really great story.
I thought that your "What Now? My Ending DYJ" was good but your 'new edition' is outstanding! Your cleaning up of the language (in my opinion unnecessary) did improve things. You have a really good writing style and I look forward to many more stories by you so keep them cumming.
Pete.
Very well executed
This was a well put together story, told in an interesting manner, and it kept this reader enraptured all the way through. I like happy endings and the way you gently worked James into his prordained destiny was a treat to follow. Thank you for sharing this story with us.
A Great tearful ending
That was the best ending with Mark and Bev getting married and having those babies that left me tearyeyed so continue on with the story please.
Pat .
Atlanta,Ga.
Great Love Story
You really know how to make a person tearful. This is great love story. I love it. -- Thor
Great Story!!
A very good story with a wonderful ending, excellent!!
" VERY GOOD! "
" FANDAMNTASTIC ......... please keep up your good standard's .......... Rich ...........
GREAT
Great story!!!!!1
Super
An excellent story that serves as a reminder that Nice guys don't always finish last, and that nice girls can have success as well. Good comeuppance for Mark and Erika
Great!!
Great story. Could not change a thing to make it better.
A Well Done Story
Thank you for sharing your work with us. The story is well crafted and the characters have 'real' personalities.
Kind of cool story
I liked it. As long as the story was some of the story seemed a little vague. You kept Bev so far in the background that I was always wanting more about her.
I liked it
It did seem a little rushed in places, skimming over fairly important stuff to get to the next bit, but overall I liked it.
There's also one place where the names Mark and James are switched in the first sex between James and Erika. That was a little confusing for a minute.
Outstanding Story
For someone who's never been to Michigan you've done an excellent job with your details, except for the absence of Youper jokes of course. Since you've never been to Michigan that's understandable. Good, well written story. I'm a sucker for "Hollywood Endings" (they lived happily ever after} so you done good.
Good job! History does repeat itself.
I followed the whole process which was excellent, but was a little disappointed when more was not done to the sleazeball, Mark. after all, he had been robbing the customers account of money through his padding of expenses, which is a felony. I would have liked to have seen
Erika get penalized more for her willingness in the planning of James' death. Not only was she just as guilty as Mark, she was to be a recipient of millions upon James' demise.
A man from Texas
GREAT
very good story that mark wasw an asse and erica was one scheming bitch . how do u trust women
Wow still great
Luckly none of the words have changed since my last pass!
5***** story! One of the best! Original and Creative!
If I had of known how good the story is, I would have rated all three chapters 5***** instead of being safe and rating the first two chapters 3***. However, in the past when I rated chapter 1 5*****, too often the story would end up being a 1* and therefore my chapter 1 rating was too high.
Good story, I have no criticism...
I wish the first sex that the two had (finally) would have been quite a bit more detailed. I will read the rest of your stories only I won't read the BDSM and the willing cuckold stories. Keep writing.
JR worth of a 5 star yet again
great story
Way too much 'deus ex machina'
There were a lot of unusual decisions made in Part 1, but the author deserves to have some leeway on that. Our hero has some odd distinctions about the women in his life. It is very odd that the investment company did not do any internal auditing. It is almost impossible to believe Mark would have developed that degree of obsession with a young lady everyone seems to believe is OK, but not physically outstanding. For our hero to show up, after months of absence, in a different town and arrive at her apartment within the critical minute to save Sweet Bev's virtue, is much TOO FAR over the top. Coulda (Shoulda) been a lot better! 3*
Cinco Estrellas a mi amigo.
Jack, que son uno de los mejores escribe en este sitio.
Thank you for such good stories, they are best.
The only comment I wish to make is that, as far as I am concerned, you have the right formula in the majority of your yarns. Keep up the good work. Thank-you.
Real, rather than macho.
Granted, this story is unlikely, but I'd like to believe it was true. The people, except for Mark, seem like actual people. Even we who enjoy revenge and payback tales gotta relate to this story.
I like it
One thing that shines in this story is the good heart of the author. Thank you for a good, solid story.
Excellent story, I have a couple of suggestions.
My preference was for a little sex scene between him and Bev, we waded through three chapters awaiting that. Also I would have like for Mark to have a definite sentence in prison, not just "taken away by the police" or something like that.
Otherwise an excellent story.
It is the unusual that makes a story worth telling
He got there on time - he was rich, he was actually better than he seemed at first -
If those things were not true he would not have had a story worth reading -
It is like actual history - we do not write long treatises on the guys who just survived "back then" we write them about the heroes, the devils, the special times, etc. Nobody wants to memorize dates and names for people who almost made history - same here this is the story of the guy who was, there, rich, good -
Nicely done - you need to loosen up a bit on the dialogue but the other story I read (so far) did better at that so I suspect you are doing well without my help lol
Enjoyed it
Not one of my favorites of yours. The passage of time in this story seems a bit problematic. I also find it hard to imagine that he is clueless about her having discomfort over his marriage. It seemed obvious, especially given she ran out crying after he told her he was married. And was it a full semester later that he goes back to her, or later that night?
yep
Good story.....well written.
I probably slammed you quite a bit with my review on the original this rewrite was based on and I'm sorry for that. That doesn't change the fact that I was right, though. With a bit of effort and an editor, look what good work you've been able to do!
SHEESH...
God that was boring!
Good storyline
Good storyline but the characters need expanded and it kind of plodded. It could easily been expanded to 3 chapters of 5 or 6 pages each, All it would have taken is a little more background on the characters, expanding the interworking's between Mark and Erika, Going into a little more detail on their plot, and stretching out Bev and James relationship a little. I really like the plot of the story. Find yourself a good editor to help you rework it and resubmit it and I think it will be better received. That said it gets 3 stars for the effort.
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