All Comments on 'Step-Yellow Fever'

Very interesting story

I like how you put the twins together

although i thought there shoulda been more

about the school incident, but overall not bad.

over all a nice story i only dislike two things about it. first i wouldn't have had the guy a nerd, shy but not a nerd. second he shouldn't have gotten beat up in order to nail the twins.you should of had him whip the three bullies asses with out any real damages. i'm not saying he should of walk away unscated.a black eye some scuffed knuckels from beating the shit out of the bullies.this way he could of enjoyed the twins more than he did. i would of had the guy a black belt in karate or judo.the male lead in a erotic story should never be portrayed as nerdy and weak. shy and slightly unsure of himself is ok, but never let the male lead character get his ass stomp.sure he got the upper hand in the end, but only after he was beaten black and blue.

This story has no eroticism in it and it's poorly written. Hoshi is Japanese, buy mom and sis are Chinese, according to their names.

Hopefully you will write a chapter 2 very soon.

Yes there is a problem with the names. The idea of them being in trouble with creditors in Japan is very credible. The Japanese treatment of women is just slightly better than China which is just slightly better then -- oh --Iran!!

Especially if the creditors were the Yakuza or some such organization. It also felt rushed to me. Like you could not type fast enough.

I think editing your story a little more would help some of the typos and spelling errors.

All-in-all I liked the general plot of the story. Keep working at it. It will get better.

JimDinMN

great story

but don,t forget the mom to make it better

Decent story. But as others have stated you need to get your Asian names straight... As I read them one was Japanese, one Chinese and one coulda been Chinese or Korean...

Not every boy's dream, probably just 99.9999999% recurring.

Well done you!

To the 'nice story' comment. The whole point I think of the nerdy guy getting beat up is that everyone gets tired of the same old shit; good looking football playing guy gets the girls, yada yada. Cliche, boring and has no real entertainment value to it after a while, plus it leave out the reality of everyone else that gets the girls, which does happen.

You have to remember that he is a self described nerd, which just means that he's an average built, average looking guy that gets great grades. People often view themselves quite differently than others do. I never thought I was good looking at all growing up, turns out I was, but was too shy and ignorant to realize that my mostly female friends group wasn't just from my good social and conversational skills. I missed out on a lot! Lol.

Hoshi is a Japanese SURNAME, although it "could" be a MALE first name.

Sung-yi (or Seong-yi) is a KOREAN name . . . . and the Japanese and Koreans have an almost pathological hatred of each other, stemming from the forced prostitution of Korean women during the Japanese invasion.

Lei is of CHINESE origin, although 'could' be Korean, BUT not Japanese.

I gave three stars *** because story is amusing, and slightly different, but a little research would have raised that to ****.

Would like to see more of this story. Thanks

I will say that researching names helps with story background, so on that you could have done a bit better, BUT, whenever you see a comment signed anonymous, ignore whatever they have to say.

If they can't be bothered to put a user name, don't be bothered with reading it.

After all that, I enjoyed the story and look forward to reading subsequent chapters!

I really enjoyed reading it and hope you will continue writing more chapters.

How good is that.