Man, you really need someone to proof read your work. The last sentence in chapter one made no sense at all. In chapter two, you had the daughter remove her clothes twice during the same scene. The firt time she didn't do it eroticly, but the second time, she did a little strip tease. You need an editor! Also the ending was dissapointing. Oh, and Americans don't say "bum". They say "butt". Good luck.
by
Anonymous08/29/05
Break 02
I love their growing relationship. Let him get the plaster off, soon - so he can take her fully.
Yes to the editing - no to 'butt', stick with the English 'bum'.
Lukas
You read to enjoy the story, not nitpick it. If you are going to tear something apart, at least have the fucking balls to sign your name, not ANONYMOUS.
by
Anonymous05/28/06
extremly good
wonderful story, thanks
by
Anonymous11/07/07
A Break in My Routine Ch. 02
Nothing left to say,,,,ESPETEROH, YOU'RE THE bEST !!EXCELLENT WORK !
Out of all the things i've read on here, yours is really something that builds up. I expected just 'Fuck me daddy' and afew 'I love yous', but yours really adds some suspence to this. Great job!
Agree with other comments about undressing twice, but I find the fact that he is in the shower with an arm and leg is a cast rather odd. Casts are not waterproof normally and tend to get soft and become flexible when wet, therefore unable to do the job they were designed for.
It's a good story but could have done with another pair of eyes going over it ( an editor ) before submission.
English
Just O.K.
Man, you really need someone to proof read your work. The last sentence in chapter one made no sense at all. In chapter two, you had the daughter remove her clothes twice during the same scene. The firt time she didn't do it eroticly, but the second time, she did a little strip tease. You need an editor! Also the ending was dissapointing. Oh, and Americans don't say "bum". They say "butt". Good luck.
Break 02
I love their growing relationship. Let him get the plaster off, soon - so he can take her fully.
Yes to the editing - no to 'butt', stick with the English 'bum'.
Lukas
YOU ASSHOLES NEED TO TEACH ENGLISH
You read to enjoy the story, not nitpick it. If you are going to tear something apart, at least have the fucking balls to sign your name, not ANONYMOUS.
extremly good
wonderful story, thanks
A Break in My Routine Ch. 02
Nothing left to say,,,,ESPETEROH, YOU'RE THE bEST !!EXCELLENT WORK !
Very Nice
Out of all the things i've read on here, yours is really something that builds up. I expected just 'Fuck me daddy' and afew 'I love yous', but yours really adds some suspence to this. Great job!
pay more attention
you had the daughter get undressed at least 2 times (once before the BJ and again after grabbing the comforter )
Reality check
Agree with other comments about undressing twice, but I find the fact that he is in the shower with an arm and leg is a cast rather odd. Casts are not waterproof normally and tend to get soft and become flexible when wet, therefore unable to do the job they were designed for.
It's a good story but could have done with another pair of eyes going over it ( an editor ) before submission.
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