All Comments on 'Used - a poem'

Welcome to Lit ~

a nice little piece

makes you wonder about

the self-loathing of the cheater...

Welcome to Lit. May I make some suggestions? I do so because I felt and saw potential in your writing and only hope to help you along the way.

You have decided to write about a subject that is Used over and over. Because of this you must find an original way to descript the emotional qualities you are striving to relate in the poem. The rhetoric here is very normal, this is more like a letter that one writes while still in emotional pain. Sit in silence and envision what you will write how you as an unique person Feels... and then write. It will be unique because it comes from your very depths.

Also try to break up your writing into stanzas. It allows the reader to pause and the poem sinks into their mind. I appauld your attempt here and enjoyed the read. I only make these suggestions to help you evolve as others do the same for me. Keep writing and thank you for coming to Lit!

du lac~

I submitted a story here, and people said they could tell I was a poet! I was not sure how to take that!

Reading this poem, I can tell you are a writer-- someone who could write a novel!

My suggestion is to go cut out all but the absolutely necessary words (even if it sounds horrible!) Then go add only the absolutely necessary words to make it read better. This could really be made larger by being made smaller.

and show

don't tell

cliche but oh so true

welcome to the land of poets. stick around!

annaswirls

excellent review and suggestions DuLac

as

don't worry my vote will not be counted twice