All Comments on 'tempt n tease'

by sweet GA peaches

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  • 4 Comments
LeBrozLeBrozover 18 years ago
~~

Sweeeeet!

This is so totally Southern;

so deliciously wicked,

leaving him panting

for more...

J.DoeJ.Doeover 18 years ago
~

I like this poem well enough with its interesting opening lines, but the punctuation detracts instead of doing what its supposed do.

...ellipsis points and ,,, commas are not visual effects. They should be invisible in your poem because your words are why the poem is read.

Bill DadaBill Dadaover 18 years ago
My first tast of peach

Yum, I like it, I'll be coming back for more.

It seemed to me you were using the ellipsis for their intended reason and it worked for me.

ty,bd

lobomaolobomaoover 18 years ago
•)

folded forward

longing loose linen

crisp cotton

streched sheet wide

revealing the lines below

the fine sweet pelt

of a firm savory summer peach

offered up from you

brushed lightly to my lips

begging a taste

but in a breathe

it is gone

looking longly

I watch it walk away

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