by sweet GA peaches
Sweeeeet!
This is so totally Southern;
so deliciously wicked,
leaving him panting
for more...
I like this poem well enough with its interesting opening lines, but the punctuation detracts instead of doing what its supposed do.
...ellipsis points and ,,, commas are not visual effects. They should be invisible in your poem because your words are why the poem is read.
Yum, I like it, I'll be coming back for more.
It seemed to me you were using the ellipsis for their intended reason and it worked for me.
ty,bd
folded forward
longing loose linen
crisp cotton
streched sheet wide
revealing the lines below
the fine sweet pelt
of a firm savory summer peach
offered up from you
brushed lightly to my lips
begging a taste
but in a breathe
it is gone
looking longly
I watch it walk away