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English
STORY
LIKED IT.NEEDS TO BE LONGER
Learning Fast!!!!
Ha! Guys named Damian or any variation are ALWAY trouble!! Good work, keep writing!
Pretty good
The story was really good, but as I was informed by my lovely editor when I asked him to read my work, you need a little more conversation to keep interest running through the scene you're creating.
But, hey, I'm not one to judge and it was a good story by any standards. Keep writing!
good first story
Shows some promise as a writer. Let things develop a bit more.
Really nasty
I loved it. Great first story.
Yes !
You have it, now just keep at it!
Good stuff
Good story but not enough time spent when the action got going
A-
I really liked it, but I thought it ended too abruptly. Good first time though!!
I liked it.
Very nice. I realize this was your first story and written a while ago, but it was absolutely scrumptious. Just a few grammatical errors, but the action was hot enough to keep it flowing. Like most others, I feel like the only real critique I can give is it left you wanting more. That's a good thing. Will check out your new story very soon.
Triumph
A delicious forst story- a deliciuos ANY story!
Very very hot- and typical man*smile*
Steamy - Great 1st effort
Typical of every first effort, there is always room for improvement, but the strengths of your story far outweigh it's weaknesses. There was real heat in it, real passion, and you wrote with an authentic voice. This, alone, is a wonderful and rare gift, and promises that we can expect more hot stories from your sexy, kinky brain! Hazzah!
To me, it felt really personal and honest. It felt like a recollection, rather than fiction, which is actually a good thing.
If I were to suggest one thing, it would be to focus on details. Little details make reading more vivid, even if they're about the setting, rather than the people. Also, there's a famous old writing addage: Don't show, tell. I struggled with this for a while in my own writing, but basically it means that, when describing a person (just one example) you don't say "She had brown hair, dark, eyes, and pale skin." Instead, contextualize the description something like, "she pulled the old bristle brush through her thick, brown hair. Each stroke made it shine, like her dark eyes. As she applied a peachy blush to the pale skin of her face, she thought about the night ahead." Context.
Anyway, I can't wait to read your next story.
PS: I have one non-consent story, and it's for Valentine's Day.
Steamy
had a few typos but a really hot story.
A bit disappointed
I chanced on your stories after going through your pic thread. You had displayed a much vivid imagination there. Since you seemed to like taking it in ass, I was hoping for some DP/anal and a rough fucking. Would like to see you coming up with an office sex story involving, spanking, anal, ass to mouth etc.
I like it.
A little dark but still a good read and shamefully erotic ;) All in all it was good.
Nice
Good 1st effort at writing a story. Got me hard as a rock.
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