The actual story was excellent... but you need to review your grammar next time. There are a few small grammatical errors. Other than that, terrific work.
You use the same phrase over again in a few places and some of the dialog seems very contrived. Plus the mother making veiled threats because she still has access to the lab does not come off very well. If you have someone read it before posting they could let you know what sounds real and what does not and it would enhance the story. Otherwise not a bad effort. Build it up a bit more and add in a bit more realism and it would get higher votes I am sure.
English
Almost perfect
The actual story was excellent... but you need to review your grammar next time. There are a few small grammatical errors. Other than that, terrific work.
comment
Fine until the ending. Then it fell apart.
Needs a bit of work
You use the same phrase over again in a few places and some of the dialog seems very contrived. Plus the mother making veiled threats because she still has access to the lab does not come off very well. If you have someone read it before posting they could let you know what sounds real and what does not and it would enhance the story. Otherwise not a bad effort. Build it up a bit more and add in a bit more realism and it would get higher votes I am sure.
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