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English
Nice
This is good especially for a first attempt.
FABu tasticly written
I would not have know it was a first write had I not seen the other comment. A very good write and felt old world and written as such to paint a time and place of mystical woven words in a world invisioned in a mind from a read called.....ocar
A Good Beginning.
Well-written, but a bit reticent. Professor Norman was writing for a more conservative audience, so he sometimes had to be oblique. Even he indicated what was going on in dialogue between kajira and master how he was using her. On Literotica, you can "show, not tell" how Ocar made use of Kika and Pita. I hope future chapters of this tale are more directly erotic. I wish you well.
GOOD START
You started out well. You need to continue the tale. As it is I am very dissapointed
where the story currently leaves off. Please continue. Great potential here.
Original Duck
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