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English
Rating should actually be a 70% for me...
I loved the beginning of the story. The consistent use of short, simple sentences contributed to the flow and the choice of words was interesting and non-cliche (good use of language always being a turn on). Having had a strong attraction to vampires since a young girl, of course found that sexy as well. Was a little dismayed by the abrupt ending; although it made me chuckle mightily, it did bring an end to my arousal. Sigh...
thanks for the comments
I will rewrite, and add a longer ending.
The story was both a writing exercise , and had to be to very short, as well as with the theme of obsession.
So I posted it as written, but agree that the ending is sudden, and there is much that is - missing for a satisfying end.
Just say NO?
I admit this is one of the best themed minimalist pieces I've read. I'm at best a novice- and it was an easy read.
I liked the fact that you skipped a lot of cliches.
If you DO fill out the story more- please let me know- I'd love to read it!
comment
haha!great story
ehhh
the fact that every couple sentences are spaced as new paragraphs makes it annoying to read because subconciously you pause at the end of a paragraph when if you would have put them together it would actually flow quite nicely.
short paragraph complaint
The idea of a paragraph is that each one deals with a single subject.
As the sequence of actions in my story take place, the subject matter of the paragraphs change, which makes a new paragraph appropriate.
In the story, I was doing a writing exercise in trying to approach the structural simplicity of Hemingway. The style analysis said mine was similar, in that a person with grade four education can read it. Which means 85 percent of the US population can read it.
Short simple words, short sentences, and simple paragraphs with lots of white space make reading easy. They make it easy for the eye to track from line to line. They make it easy to separate ideas and consider them one by one.
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