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Disgusting.
The whole premise of the piece is degradation and contempt. This has nothing to do with erotica, or even porn, just a nasty tale of sexual violence.
The sordid little scene where the mother shoots him is supposed to do what, give him redemption or just prove what an offensive asshole he really is?
This is so far below your normal high quality, you should be ashamed. Sorry.
Agreed. Disgusting.
This was not erotic at all. I realize the warning/disclaimer at the beginning, but this was not worth my time reading.
Nice revenge tale
Glad to see that Keith got what he deserved. I enjoy a well-written revenge story.
horro
cast into the twightlight zone, I had trouble with a few areas but generally it was explained or 'justified' in the end. Or is it ever equal to the crime ....but for a halloween tale with horror this one jerks thoughts
sad sick not erotic story
This was not erotica this was about a sick person and rape I am glad in the end you decided to have him killed for raping her, because this was cruel and sick and no woman or man should have to go through rape.
hooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwlin' dahlin!!
It was a risk, and a good one, I like the twist.
SCARY
The writing was good but i did not like the content of rape. I am glad for the twist and that he was killed in the end. As deserved.
Beautiful work! Flesh-creeping and intense
I'm so glad that you mentioned this on the Halloween Support Thread so that I knew to look for it. You did superb work here with characterization and a creeping sense of horror that was rooted deep in the protagonist's psychology. I love that the twist of it only works because of who he is and how he sees - or fails to see - his victims. This is excellent writing. I'm sorry if it gathers little applause from some readers, but frankly, I think them fools.
Where's the erotica?
I read it through twice and still didn't find anything erotic about it. Too many things left unexplained and the character of Keith isn't really forceful enough to be believable as a rapist. Sorry I couldn't rate it higher.
Bravo!
I think you managed to write of the scariest monster.
The look inside his mind, how his perception kept slipping was amazing.
Well written, very compelling, I do feel it lost the mood in the final paragraph a bit, but overall a true display of the real depth of your writing ability.
"Leave a PC, Leave a PC, Leave a PC"....
Huzzah...
Nice Luv it was good.... and very different from what you normally do... good luck in the contest.
Always, Lizzy
Cool
title. I appreciated it only after finishing your story. Never mind the critics. I think you did a great job taking us into the head of a psychopath. I agree it was not very erotic, but it was a compelling read. And a very satisfying end!
Good luck.
Black Tulip
Mixed bag
The psychology of it was well done, with the protagonist seeing what he wants to see, and I always like a good revenge story, but the dialogue was stilted and I just couldn't lose myself in the story.
great job
Great job. In response to the comment below about rape etc, didn't you read the preamble? This is a story, a work of fiction and I don't imagine for one moment that the author cruises the streets looking for victims in r/l.
A great piece of artistic endeavour.
A couple of loose ends here.....
I don't quite understand how Angela's mother was ABSOLUTELY sure he was the killer. Couldn't other men have been the killer. This could have been even better, it sounds like it was written a touch too fast.
Rarely
Do I read a story where the character has a psychosis that remains consistant. This carrie sthe ahllmark of a true crime story and with it, the same chilling edge. A step outside yournorm Box, but IMHO, a triumph in the way you pushed your won boundaries.
Much luck to you.
Imaginative and well-done
Good work, Box. You pushed the envelope with this one. Good luck in the contest.
Rumple
Dark and dreary
The look inside of the perpetrator's mind was well done. The graphic portions were well-detailed. However, it was a little predictable and not particularly original.
last thing he saw
I hope he shit his pants before the gun blew his guts out.
I am a man and ther is nothing more exciting than a willing
sex partner.Anyone unwilling doesn't deserve to be forced upon.Great ending to this story.
Just curious....
If the story is unable to win on its own merits, will begging for high votes because it's in a contest really help? Better yet is it even fair?
As far as winning on it's merits, I don't think so.
The Title
does say it all...Keith was certainly and "ass" ~ but what an interesting, dark tale you created.
~Honey
My 2 cents
Hey Boxlikcer :) Aight, this story was well written and I loved the sick reasoning of the rapist. It wasn't very erotic, but nonetheless, it was chilling and real. True, it's different from your other stories, but everyone at some point likes to try something new and different. So just ignore the nay-sayers. It's a story, not real life. If someone doesn't like it...hey that's what the little X in the top right hand corner of your screen is for.
~
Dark and violent story, which goes well with the Halloween theme, eh? A few issues but will not mention them here, otherwise well written.
Very enjoyable read
I always enjoy a good revenge tale. I was wondering how the mother knew to but I just figure the purse is how, also, pay no mind to the fools who were warned and went ahead and decided to read a story they only planned to cry about. YOU WERE WARNED, So get over yourselve's. What did you expect, fuzzy kittens, Nope it clearly told you at the very top what was coming or were you whiners to busy with your heads up your ass's to see that. Come on, YOU KNEW!!!!!
wow!
Reading your story was like watching some psychotic playout of a rapists mind. The way he thought it was just a game, completely oblivious to the plight and complete fear of the victim was absolutely 100% priceless and scary. Thank you so much Boxlicker101
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