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Ghoulishly, delightfully creepy
This is great work - well-written and with sophisticated style. I greatly enjoyed the use of repetition - "Life went on" - to drive home the dreamlike blend of monotony and horror. The world you evoke is powerful and unnerving.
Well done
Lots of shudders.
Life Goes On...
I came to the first occurrence of: "life went on" with a sinking "uh-oh" feeling but I was pleasantly surprised as I kept reading. You managed to take a trite phrase and imbue it in a lovely, haunting, and somehow melodic way to create an atmosphere of hypnotic repetition. Really well done. Love the mirror aspect, the narcissism, the blind pursuit of self-gratification to the exclusion of the outside world. And the ending, fantastic! Great piece, good luck!
Not much to add
Shang pretty much summed i tup. Very creepy work. Best of luck in the contest :)
Ewwwwwwwww!
Creepy stuff. Very well done! Good luck! ~Imp
goosebumps
i'm throwing the mirror out! he hee! xxx
Pretty cool
You feel her mind slipping away, one piece at a time, until fantasy and reality are the same. Very good.
terrific......
and really in the spirit of the contest....the reader MUST find out what happens with the mirror. Good luck!!
Well done ...
Your story had me on the edge of my seat. For some reason mirrors creep me out so I liked this one. If you get the chance go to Amazon and find "The Mirror" by Marlys Millhiser. It's a truly inventive read. Good luck with the contest!
Cookie :)
Obsession
Creepy detailed trip through obsession. Well done.
Vivid!
Very vivid details and done with a nice creepy, spooky touch. Great job!
Makes me want to cover all my mirrors
An excellent portrayal of Marjorie's slow but steady implosion. I love the way you developed Marjorie as an oucast/loner just plodding through life, without any apparent connection or interests, slowly disassociating herself (or being forced to) from the rest of the world. Take the mirror out of the story and it becomes a cautionary tale. With the mirror, it's damn creepy.
Really well done ...
That was one of the
most grusome things I've read on this site. Very impressive. Makes me glad I got rid of the old mirror of my grandmothers...
First-rate plot
A great job of plotting, and as others have pointed out, you painted a poignant, yet erotic, picture of her descent into her dreams, or in this case, the mirror. You also used repetition very effectively.
There are a few technical glitches early in the story. Smooth those out and then submit. IMHO, it's that good.
Rumple
Oh my goodness!
What a creepy story. You did a great job, taking us along on her slow slide out of reality.
Good luck.
Black Tulip
Decent into darkness
That was an awesome story. The structure, grammar and plot were all perfect. No happy ending here; or was there?
And The Point Is?
No, the structure, etc., was NOT perfect. For instance the author wrote "...family had decided rather than clean the dried blood off the carpet and walls." They decided what? To move? Burn the house down? Find another stray bit of glass (maybe there were lots of them lying around that household) and cut their own throats?
great story
Very good story... and scarry yet erotic... kinda matches the category to a t
Yep, I made an error
in the beginning. Cut/paste left a fragmented sentence. I caught if after I submitted it, and feedback also pointed it out. I hope it wasn't too distracting.
Creepy
but erotic description of a woman's slide into ...what? Was she crazy or was the mirror haunted. It is in need of editing, though and some of your sentences should be rewritten, besides the one about dried blood on the carpet. I like your reference to "The Clique" because I suspect that every high school has one or more.
need more!
Great story, but you totally left me hanging! What's with the mirror? or is she just crazy? I think it needs a second chapter :)
good luck with the contest.
Brilliant!
it doesnt need to be edited at all, thats the mystery!
WOW!!!
holy shit that was probably the most GENIOUS story ever... keep em comin... lol
Incredible!
So deliciously dark, this is truly what noirotica should be!
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