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English
please edit this story.....
There are quite a few words with missing letters, a mix up of "to" for "too", etc. The images will be stronger if the presentation is better. You have some good ideas which ideally need the guidance of a volunteer editor to explore them to their fullest. Good luck!
Voice
I love the voice in this story, it's an interesting style and tone. And, while spell check is your friend, it doesn't catch everything. I agree with the suggestion of an editor, if you're not good at doing it yourself. Good luck!
Far fetched
A little far-fetched, even for a Halloween story. There were many errors, either typos or misspellings and errors in wording. You should find a good editor and there are plenty available.
A good effort...
...but I agree that it needed a good editing session before being submitted. But it was a good attempt to deliver some dark erotica.
Fascinating
idea, although not exactly my cup of tea.
What really bothered me were the errors in grammar and spelling. That's a shame because the idea for this story is a good one.
Black Tulip
"you're" = you are, "your" is the possessive form.
as title
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