All Comments on 'Blackbeard's Downfall Ch. 05'

by simply_cyn

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4 Comments

Anonymousover 18 years ago

you still owe us chapter 3.5

I am very glad you have chosen to continue this story. I think it's one of my favorites of yours.

I did find you were somewhat redundant when you were describing the characters actions and you may wish to have some editing to continue to improve your work. You have talent and there are ways to mature your writing. For example look back at how you described Blackbeard's hands repeatedly in the first couple of paragraphs. His large calloused hands, was a phrase you repeated. Same adjectives. Very often you use the same verbage or wording as you try and advance the action. You have too much ability to get stalled with creative description.

I think you need to go back and give us 3.5, as we need that chpater t understand how a rape is still occurring, because even you place this story into multiple categories. My belief is that the entire thing is nonconcentual, reluctance...heavy on the reluctance. We need to see him claim Penelope that first time, how she felt, what that was like for both of them....did he humiliate her some by placing her in 'unladylike positions'? After all, so much of chapter 4-5 is based on how he claimed her in 3.5.

I think this is a fun an hot story Cyn and you can do even more and do it better with just some editing and tweaking. I am a definitive fan so this is all offered in sincere desire to improve your work!