I think this was a good start to something I'd like to read more of. I was a little disappointed that she came after only three couples - I wanted to hear more!
You need to do some editing. For example, take this one paragraph:
"I looked deep into the males eyes and leaned up until our lips touched. I sank my teeth into his bottom lip as the most incredible orgasm I've ever felt racked my body. Wave after wave of pleasure, so much so that it was almost unbearable. Slow the spasms subsided and my breathing returned to normal, that's when I noticed the male had cum with me the evidence splattered across my lower tummy. When they released my from the bindings I slide my fingers through his cum gathering as much as I could and brought those fingers to my mouth licking and sucking them clean. Once the contest was complete Mistress ordered the couples to chose there servant and each set out to find a place to take their pleasure."
"slow the spasms" = "slowly the spasms"
"they released my" = "they released me"
"males eyes" = "male's eyes"
"chose there" = "choose their"
And this is only one paragraph. Unfortunate, as you have some fun ideas such as the different colored boxer shorts signifying certain things. Keep on writing, but consider a volunteer editor next time.
by
Anonymous10/07/05
Great story
Great story I could tell you got excited writing it.
As for formatting sometimes you have to go back after writing it to do a few touch ups.
I'm finding it hard to get use to myself.
Keep up the good work.
...that it was a very interesting story, but like sack said it needed some editing. It was still good and I lked that she got to be the pet of her favorite male ;)
English
love it
wonderful best of all
Good start
I think this was a good start to something I'd like to read more of. I was a little disappointed that she came after only three couples - I wanted to hear more!
interesting ideas but.....
You need to do some editing. For example, take this one paragraph:
"I looked deep into the males eyes and leaned up until our lips touched. I sank my teeth into his bottom lip as the most incredible orgasm I've ever felt racked my body. Wave after wave of pleasure, so much so that it was almost unbearable. Slow the spasms subsided and my breathing returned to normal, that's when I noticed the male had cum with me the evidence splattered across my lower tummy. When they released my from the bindings I slide my fingers through his cum gathering as much as I could and brought those fingers to my mouth licking and sucking them clean. Once the contest was complete Mistress ordered the couples to chose there servant and each set out to find a place to take their pleasure."
"slow the spasms" = "slowly the spasms"
"they released my" = "they released me"
"males eyes" = "male's eyes"
"chose there" = "choose their"
And this is only one paragraph. Unfortunate, as you have some fun ideas such as the different colored boxer shorts signifying certain things. Keep on writing, but consider a volunteer editor next time.
Great story
Great story I could tell you got excited writing it.
As for formatting sometimes you have to go back after writing it to do a few touch ups.
I'm finding it hard to get use to myself.
Keep up the good work.
I think...
...that it was a very interesting story, but like sack said it needed some editing. It was still good and I lked that she got to be the pet of her favorite male ;)
Good luck.
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