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English
She may be a slut, but she is............
my kind of slut----
Hot
Hot and to the point... well written...
Seventeen ...
guys - common on now. And no protection. Oh, well, its fiction so I guess its alright.
A female
hhmmmmm loved it
very hot- would love to be fucked by 17 guys--- and I love the revenge aspect- wish I would have done that to my ex!!!
grammer
I was just getting into it, when your hideous grammer pulled me out. Well and Good are not to be used interchangably.
Descriptive words of erotica
For the life of me why do the current erotic authors use such non-descript, ridiculous words that are in an of themselves nothing. As far as stimulating they are a zero. Examples: "cum" "jism" "juice" "wad" "rod" "bulge"
"package" and a whole bunch of vanilla nothingness. Cum-jism, etc., is semen, sperm. Use them and change them up with adjectives and adverbs but ultimately call erotica what it is - not something YOU, dear author, water down thinking the cyber cops won't harrass you. What's happening is you're losing readers.
Also, change the point of view, i.e., first-person, second-person and third-person. If you can't do this, take a course in creative writing and learn how.
Go back to your story and count the number of times you used the word "pussy." It was like counting "uh" when a speaker speaks...you count the "uh" and lose the message.
Felt robotic
Liked the general idea of the story, the revenge aspect, but the action itself seemed a little dull. It seemed like a big long list, rather than a continuous hot orgy. I felt the action lacked a lot of description and passion and ended up somewhat robotic. To read, it felt tiring and went on for too long and felt repetitive, rather that drawing the reader into the story.
I think trying to describe an orgy of this scale made it hard to describe each individual fuck fully, perhaps in this case less could be more.
FUNNY
A gangbang as revenge. I don't think I ever laugh so much about sex.
Not erotic but a good story.
I didn't get off reading this, but it was entertaining and the idea for the premise of the story was original, so I'll give you props for that. I guess since she was doing it for revenge, there's a limit to how sexy it was going to be.
How great!
I love that the whole thing was her idea. It also made it seem more realistic that not every guy there was perfect.
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