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English
intense!!
unique plot, well characterized! Good luck!
Good but some problems
I loved the plot and the story. I felt there could be more suspense and buildup but the story did flow well enough to keep interest.
The opening did not grip me and yell "READ ON"
Their/they're/there problem in the first paragraph and a punctuation error or two in the story.
A first-rate, suspenseful read.
You done did good girl. I especially admire the way you managed to build suspense in such a short story.
Rumple
Very nice...
A few misspellings but they didn't detract from the story. Good luck!
Cookie :)
A few errors
in spelling, word structure, etc. but not enough to detract too much. Generally well done but rather short.
Your story
was good..good plot.
Luck to you in the Contest!
~Honey
Damn
Why did you stop right there? I want to know what happens next. I wanna know, I wanna know.
Is that enough whining to get you writing the rest of it?
Good luck in the contest.
Black Tulip
A great begining ...
... that grabbed my interest. I'm looking forward to the next installment.
Fortunate
Interesting topic, I wish it had been longer as well. There were a few spelling errors, but the story carried over the usual stops for grammar. Thanks, a good story.
Beautiful Atmosphere
You're becoming a real writer, Sweet. Beautifully done at the fortune teller's. A rushed, tell-y ending made the story feel clipped and kind of incomplete, though. All that wonderful set-up and not much pay-off.
Great plot and characters
I loved the story. Great plot and excellent characterizations. You've grown to become a very good writer. I can't wait to read more.
:)
Thanks for bringing this story to my attention :) It was interesting and I really liked the way you began, you set the mood very well. I'm hoping to read what happens very soon :D
Great opening. . .
Wow! Great story opening. Thanks for the excellent read. ~ Red
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