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English
a bit on the short side
is good in most of my favorite pens...but...this needs a bit more power...standing as is ...its ok..but, the idea is really great...Imho >I would add a tad more juice...blue
~~
It's perfect ~ and blue's right too.
As a stand-alone, it could be stronger;
but in a collection, it'd make me want to turn the page and read more of what you offer.
enticing.....
you work the magic of this poem well....Bravo!
•)
Late september days
when afternoon hours
seem like forever
and their heat
is the heat of a sigh
held close
is it then that we
for our short time
start to know each other
eyes forward
hands down
crisp cotton
fresh pressed silks
an offered apple
a lesson of lines
form and flow
the question I am dared to answer
do i take the fruit
to my mouth
and study at your feet
•)
Late september days
when afternoon hours
seem like forever
and their heat
is the heat of a sigh
held close
is it then that we
for our short time
start to know each other
eyes forward
hands down
crisp cotton
fresh pressed silks
an offered apple
a lesson of lines
form and flow
the question I am dared to answer
do i take the fruit
to my mouth
and study at your feet
•)
whoops! sorry!! My laptop is a bit quirky and i submitted my comment twice... duh, how lame am I?
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