a bit too short, I had no time to "warm up" to the characters. I don't think you need the header "starring...." The reader will figure out who the story is starring (or not starring) for himself, and it's more fun that way!
by
Anonymous10/15/06
Great Story
would love to read more!
by
Anonymous10/15/06
Out-of-towners
After reading your story, I was going to write, "You've never been to Philadelphia, have you?" Then I read your bio -- yep, Harrisburg, PA -- and everything made sense. In addition to lacking character development, your story needs a sense of place. Why come to Phila if your story could take place anywhere: a Harrisburg motel, a State College conference center, the Granite Run Mall? (I think you actually mention Cleveland more often.) Visit Philadelphia once. Have a cheesesteak, see the Eagles. Then get the F out, you F'ing out-of-towner. But use some of your experiences here to color your stories. They'll be all the better for it.
English
can you extend this.....
a bit too short, I had no time to "warm up" to the characters. I don't think you need the header "starring...." The reader will figure out who the story is starring (or not starring) for himself, and it's more fun that way!
Great Story
would love to read more!
Out-of-towners
After reading your story, I was going to write, "You've never been to Philadelphia, have you?" Then I read your bio -- yep, Harrisburg, PA -- and everything made sense. In addition to lacking character development, your story needs a sense of place. Why come to Phila if your story could take place anywhere: a Harrisburg motel, a State College conference center, the Granite Run Mall? (I think you actually mention Cleveland more often.) Visit Philadelphia once. Have a cheesesteak, see the Eagles. Then get the F out, you F'ing out-of-towner. But use some of your experiences here to color your stories. They'll be all the better for it.
GREAT I REALLY ENJOED!
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