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English
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LeBroz,
if you would break out of that cluster fuck of threads you hang out in you would know
"In silence she speaks volumes"
"Haughty facade"
are rather shop worn, for example. Your misuse of puncuatation, i.e. excess semicolons, when you really want commas does nothing to add, but rather detracts, from what you are trying to get across.
I gave up trying to make sense of this sentence - granted, I'm no grammer queen"
"Demands for submissions undreamt,
a nightmare not, to souls of strength;
reality's incongruity to the image ~ unseen,
with eyes' questing pleas little seen."
Perhaps, you can diagram?
I know you run with the right from the heart bunch - keep it simple then.
nice poem
I am sorry that critics here feel the need to squat on such a good poem. I for one enjoyed the read leon. I can only hope that that does not detour you from writing more, please.
mention
your poem was mentioned in the thread
"New Poems Reviews"
thanks for the journey...Art~
~
Okay, well, fuck the semi-colon bullshit problem. It didn't cause any flow issues for me. If it did, I'd say so. But yes, they're incorrect. Your grammar is fine, and damn it, I cried. That's just me lately - going through a lot over here.
This was a very moving piece of WORK! THIS is poetry!
Thanks for sharing! You have talent!
nice work hun
I really enjoyed your
poem hun, great word
choices and for me
it flowed just fine.
~ Jenn
(from the cluster fuck threads
and damn proud of it!)
1201 don't you mean the 'write' from the heart bunch?
nice verse...
observance placed in such language touches the HEART..of the crowd...smilin...with a sigh...blue
ALL THE WORDS...
took my breath,
and then these..
these words..
"And as breathing resumes, She inspires".
....left me Awe'd.
this is the poetry that hearts feel
and hands cannot inscribe,
but ever so deeply the words go,
like the ink stained on parchment,
these I will remember..
your mark ,
left.
-sGp-
The answer is...both
Reading your words penned within this poem and the depth of feelings evoked was as if you had a virtual reality tour of My chambers during a scening. For someone who is admittedly foreign personally with the craft, you have drawn, with remarkable emotional clarity , from all five senses and have left this Domme shaking her non-blonde {laughin'} head in very impressed amazement!
As for the comments made concerning overuse of semi colons~ it is purely a matter of choice over commas~ nothing serious; nothing deadly {note the Queen of Semi Colons reigning over Her Land of Punctuation here}. Neither punctuation used would have marred the content of this poem, believe Me.{smile}
This was indeed a pleasure~ with NO pain~ to read!
Vixxx
Demands for submissions undreamt
Forgive the use of your line. It ensnared me where I live. Hats off. I was trained not to answer the door for solicitors. Do that some more and "we" may offer you some words to whet shared thirsts.
Incredible
Hello there,
You've been leaving some comments on my poetry so it was only fair that I check out your own work. I've been sitting here reading through a bunch of your poems and I'm quite impressed - you have a beautiful talent. I had to come back to this poem I enjoyed it so much.
--Kalia--
Totally flattered.
You were the first to leave a comment on my first submission. Tonight, I finally found time to read and contemplate your poetry.
To think that you found something in my work that you thought worthy of praise amazes me.
Thank you; I'm a fan.
Awe inspiting
Loved it, you have true talent, one to aspire to. Thank you for sharing
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