Far too much use of the name. You can throw she, her etc in you know.
Over 70 Kimberly's when I stopped counting, which is a lot for a short story with two characters. I hated the goofy sentence structure much more than the constant Kimberly's. "Your breasts honey are huge." Breasts honey? "I'll bet you're still a virgin?", question mark? At least you got the you're right. Finally, "Your so fucking wet!" Wrong your, unless you are describing something called a so fucking wet that Kimberly possessed. This is not nit-picking. Make the stuff readable, please. Mistakes are expected, but it shouldn't be a challenge to find a properly structured sentence.
What a fucking joke? You bitches are crying over me using Kimberly's name to many times? I suggest you idiots go read stories with just him and her, he and she in them. Fucking morons. Bitch about the littlest shit.
Total crap! Period! End of discussion! It's "school district" not "distract"! PLEASE proofread next time!
The largest bra victoria secret carries is a DD and only in limited styles
I LIKED IT. GOOD JOB
brilliant! all those who criticise ought to click off and read another story, not everything is for everyone but this story set me up for a fantastic session ;)
never in all my life have i read a more pathetic piece of eroitca. The analogies and similies were stupid and inappropriate. Perhaps the author would do well to actually experience sex before trying to write again.
You lot are asses so what he got a fukin fact wrong. Most writers like to repeat names it gives character to the fukin story. This has been well written yol dont like it cos you aint old enough to cum yet. PEACE
just because your all gay doesnt mean you have to criticise this story like that...
Quit picking on this poor 'evil' person. Let him enjoy all those mistakes he makes. He's just trying to entertain you and give Ya'll something to bitch about. You cunts probably never wrote a story in all of your stupid insipid lives. Get a life..., stupid critics. Go get 'em evil, write another one using Kimberly's name 5000 times if you want.
you wrote kimberly 86 times
it was different than anything ive ever read on literotica and i have to say it was one of the best stories ive ever read. yes there were mistakes but we are not supposed to strive for perfection just pleasure and you certainly accomplished that. good job.
So what if there are mistakes? You probably got a boner (or wet) anyways. Be happy he's sharing, etc.
I will admit though, "Victoria's Secrets" made me giggle. (We all know Victoria's Secret anyways. ((She's a man.)) )
Thank you for sharing and writing out this story but there are so many errors, repetitions, and inaccuracies it was not a sexy story.
It may have had problems in content, but from a purely enjoyable standpoint - I enjoyed it!
Loves the story - I have huge sensitive nipples that I LOVE to have touched, pinched, twirled and sucked. This story got my pussy very wet! Thanks and keep up the good work!
Ok,so technically this is not the best piece of writing - but it was written with a passion,the writer turned me on,and i will look forward to reading more by evil.
Overuse of her name?Well,the whole point is that she is getting her first fuck,so using her proper name keeps attention on her character.
Plus,when you fuck someone you have not fucked before,you do say their name a lot,maybe because you are so delighted to be coupled with them.Thank you evil,from me and my satisfied little pussy.
By sixth grade I was a 32FFF and I continued to get bigger. My male teachers had no trouble in giving me A's all through through school and in college I let between my legs. By then they were 40HHH and filled with milk.
I loved it, my boobs are always in tight bikinis so guys will look at them all the time
Love some wonderful nipple play like that good introduction. Good detail..
I've never really been interested in stories of girls with ridiculously large breasts, but you REALLY changed my mind. Great story!
The English was somewhat atrocious in the story, but the big tit details were pretty good. I loves them titties!
but just a few errors in spelling I had ran across! loved all the detail, but just to be sure I don't wanna work at Victoria secrets is this story made up?
Got my comment about school "distract" and Secret vs Secret"s" ready in my head. Went to write it and and I was overwhelmed by the number of people ahead of me. I expect I could have/would have been aroused by the story but I couldn't read through. The number of errors was too distracting.Probably that is the single best reason to avoid errors; not that they are inappropriate, they take attention away.
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