wow, gripping read.
Grasping the handle of a door locked tight
gauging the moment to take off in flight.
very nice poem. (~_*)
One of your best yet!
And worked up to such an end of promise.
So full of hope. Dream on. Thank You. Ronnie W.
Your poem was mentioned in the new poems review thread.
It is the poet's choice about whether to rhyme or not, but once you start you should stick with it!
You chose an AABB rhyme scheme, but:
"time" & "mine" do not rhyme, nor do
"kiss" & "wish"
"by" & "sublime"
Sorry, While the theme is worthwhile, for a rhyming poem this one is structurally below average.
the two near rhymes aren't that bad. By and sublime really don't work. Some near rhymes can work. With this subject matter, the poem would be stronger if you didn't rhyme, or if you tried a more complex rhyme scheme, or a form like a villanelle. Just suggestions. :)
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