by Tzara
love it
drawn together
with crude crayons
irregular lines
tell us miles
of our iffy origins
smartly written, deducted a point for Fecund, but you made up for it with the play in words
I've read a few of your poems. I'm not sure if any of the others are this interesting. I guess I need to go check them out. :)
biological basis of behavior
the best class I ever took-- this should be on the inside cover :)
I recommend you re-thinking the last line. It seems so abrupt and almost changing the subject/feel; then leaving you off... well done
as
A well written little poem. Thought this was quite thought provoking whilst managing to be intelligent at the same time. Well done!
This poem was mentioned in the Archival Review thread, in a picking through Lit's archive of over 37,000 poems.
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Love the perspective! Frameshift lower, though, and you might see that those genes work well only when they collaborate with other genes. A genome is collaborative, and transient.
I really like this poem - it appeals to me on many levels. (Thanks to AlwaysHungry, who steered me to it.) Evolution and genetics woven perfectly into the psychology of lust and love.
But I do agree with others on the last line - the meaning is right on, but the phrasing falls flat - that line broke the rails, and instead of leading me on to ponder, it pulled me up short.