I liked your story but I have some technical comments. You have a serious issue with comma splicing - I've got it too. You could remove about half of the commas in that story. That was the main issue, though I noted a few points where your sentences seemed a bit blunt and repetitive, simple and dry. Perhaps a bit more varitaion in sentence structure would help break it up more.
As to the content - I do love the racks on some of the big girls!
English
Very Splicey!
I liked your story but I have some technical comments. You have a serious issue with comma splicing - I've got it too. You could remove about half of the commas in that story. That was the main issue, though I noted a few points where your sentences seemed a bit blunt and repetitive, simple and dry. Perhaps a bit more varitaion in sentence structure would help break it up more.
As to the content - I do love the racks on some of the big girls!
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