A Family in Turmoil Ch. 01

Great

I suspected when Jake's brother called and spoke about Veronica that she must be Alice. As always, I'll be interested in what you do with the scenario you created.

Boyd

Oh boy, you've done it now,

I have no comment, except great beginning, excellent writing, fantastic imagination, superb plot; maybe I’ll have a comment after chapter two. A fan always.

Well this looks like fun!

Condom? No condom? Ah what difference does it make?

Great start, well done and very interesting.

Just Innocent Fun

He should just tell her parents the pregnancy was an accident - then tell his brother that she took advantage of him and his 3 room mates after they had been drinking - then tell his parents she wouldn't use a condum as she wanted to get pregnant or

or He could just shoot himself out back!

Somehow I think you may handle this in some other less plausible way - Right?

More imagination please - great stuff as usual - with High Regard

Dg Another beautiful

beginning and cliff hanger ending on a story. Your work always draws me, leaves me hanging and makes me want to strangle you for not giving me more..lol. Fantastic work. But I also suspected when he got the phone call. It was like watching a train wreck until she showed up from the bathroom. Great start.

My God DG

Your putting this family through the mill. I think they'll all going to finish up at the funny farm.

Liked the start. Where do we go from here? I can see several different scenarios. None of them very good for the protagonists.

DC

Great start!

DG It doesn't get any better. Great sex, suspense and who knows where you are going. I know better than to guess. Sure hope you hurry with ch. 2.

An avid fan

Gee

Wow what a great start. She is in love with bith brothers, can't wait for the rest

You know.............

You are one of the more intresting writers.

I normally don't submit a comment on first chapters of stories, because sometimes I hate the first chapter and love the rest, or I love the first chapter and hate the end, or worse I don't like any of it. But normally I wait.

Having said that, I wanted to say this is a good story. But I'm more intrested in what comes next. I see a lot of questions from me that I'm curious how you let it play out.

Does the older brother, who said he loves his younger brother more than anything, prove that and tell him about what he did with his brothers girlfriend? Does she do it? Does he love the older brother more? Does younger brother handle it well? Is the girlfriend pregnant? Does the older brother let him believe its the younger brother's?

Lot's more questions, but mainly I'm curious how you take a gripping story and make it a fantastic one.

Too Obvious

As soon as I clicked on the link to open the second part of this, I knew Veronica is Alice, which I'm sorry is more than a little trite.

Author's note:

Thanks for the comments so far. This story could go anywhere. Some of you will have guessed right, others will have guessed wrong. It's just part of the story. For anyone who follows my writing knows that the obvious does not always happen. If it does then consider yourself a good guesser. Chapter 2 is submitted. Hopefully it might be out tomorrow. Now that is just a guess. Sometimes I guess right, sometimes I guess wrong.

Anyway thanks for reading and commenting on my stories.
DG Hear

Good lord man

How much can one family stand. Good beginning. I'm sure that one our your usual twists is in their future.

What a revoltin' developement

Well, maybe David will share after they get married??
What's mine is yours, bro.
No, I don't think so.

They're both infatuated and in love with the sex. Sounds like whichever one can offer her the best companionship will win the nooky prize.

Fuck, I hate it that it happened like that...

Thank Goodness it is just a story. I think it will be a tragedy whatever happens, I hope not.

Last wording (Sad Love Story)

"I would've done anything for you,
To show you how much I adored you,
But it's over now
It's too late to save our love"

saw this one coming down the track a mile off , with the whistle blowing all the way.
i think if the description of the story on the Authors profile was changed ,
this would add to the reading experience.
ch.01 " What happened to my girlfriend?"
ch.02 "Problems between two brothers and one girl"

does sort of signpost the plot , & then the lack of surprise when events unfold
lessens the effect.

still .
bloody good story , exquisitely written , captivated from start 2 finish

voted 5 star.
.

a mile ... no, obvious from almost the beginning,

The story is decent. Well written compared to the regular trash on this site. But, do you think it could have been any more predictable and anti-climatic?

Enjoying it

thanks for the offering.

Ops

Can we say awkward ??? 5*

They fall in love in less than two weeks?

Both brothers fall in love with the same girl that quickly. That just doesn't happen.