I love your stories DG..and I love it when they have happy endings. I just think you should get the other brother and the "Alice's" friend Kristy together...
You know, I'm not sure that the brothers would have patched everything up together that well so fast regardless of how close they were, and I "know" that the brother and his now "Ex-Girlfriend" wouldn't have been all that alright in the family now that everyone knew her secret, but as fantasy is concerned it wasn't bad.
But it does remind me of an episode of Jerry Springer though. You know where the girl sleeps with a set of brothers, one gets her pregnant, and then she marrys them after being with all the son's in the family first.
I mean I guess the brother that was sleeping with all the girls would have less problem sharing a girl, but the brother that wasn't doing that got the short end of the stick all the way around.
But that doesn't mean it wasn't an intresting story though (^_^)
I am glad it had a happy ending. David wasn't even sure himself that he loved Veronica, so he couldn't be too mad after he thought it over. Also, the fact that she and Jake obviously were in love had to help.
Someone else said that David and Kristy should hook up. That would have been added happiness to this "Cinderella" oops "Alice" story.
I liked it.
p.s. I have to chuckle because Veronica is a family favorite fantasy name. It comes from the old Archie comics.
by
Anonymous11/11/05
Good ending
Good ending. After Ch.1 this story could have went anywhere. You really pulled it together. Nice touch at the end. The baby's name. Waiting for your next story. Please not to long of a wait.
An avid reader of your stories.
all of a sudden some my authors are switching gears. Dynamite Jack, DG Hear, and Daniellekitten are all branching out in new directions. Of course they are all good enough to do it, and do it successfully. Good story, good emotional impact, was predictable from the beginning, but had to be to have a happy ending. And if anyone thinks you can’t meet someone and fall in love immediately, think again. I proposed to my wife the first night we met, we married thirty-five days later, been together thirty-four wonderful years. Keep up the good work DG. A fan always.
Really enjoyed the story DG, expecting more hassle before the situation would right itself but this worked very well.
Great brothers.
Great girlfriend and wife.
While the story was well written for the most part I don't know if I can accept the David's sudden change of heart.
While I can see where David might accept Jake's explanation since it is very plausible but I can't see him being accepting of Veronica and what she did to him. It seems to me that she's a bit of a slut now that Dave's popped her cherry.
She goes off to a party and gets swept off her feet by an admitted player who shares his girlfriends with his roomies, as they share theirs with him, and she doesn't even bother to worry about protection because 'she wants to be loved', gee ain't that precious. I didn't realize David didn't love her? Now that she's had one screw she's an expert on technique? She's thinking with that hole between her legs and that's all it is. It probably didn't occur to her that David may have been a virgin too? They'd been going out for three months before this incident, did everyone forget that too? As usual, the nice guy, who respects the woman and doesn't force himself on her gets the dirty end of the stick and the player gets the girl. Nice guys don't only finish last they get their sexual techniques criticized by a girl with no sexual experience!
Then she comes home and doesn't even bother to tell her boyfriend, who wants her parents to meet his and declares his love for her, that she's had anonymous unprotected sex with a guy who admits to sleeping around. I guess the only good thing she did for David was to avoid screwing him because God only knows what she's got!
Jake was honorable in avoiding Veronica until the knowledge of the baby came out, I have to give him that much. But as I said, I can't see David being friendly to her after how she treated him.
David was the one who was deceived and he should be more cautious around her.
I expected more shit before the situation would right itself but you ending worked for me. A totally naïve girl giving her cherry to her first, equally naïve, boyfriend! From her description of the event, David’s technique was somewhat lacking. No wonder Veronica was swept of her feet by the vastly more experienced Jacob. I loved the happy ending but would it have been so if Jacob had paused to put on a condom? As for meeting someone and falling in love immediately, I met my wife on a blind date. It was love at first sight for me and, I assume, for her since we moved in together and eventually got married and have been together forty wonderful years. Keep up the good work DG. A devoted fan, Pete.
by
Anonymous07/10/06
Give me a break
Brother forgives other brother for fucking is girlfriend and both brothers don't think the girl is a slut?
by
Anonymous08/15/06
Yout forgot one thing
I liked your story. You just left out the part where she cheats on her husband and does his brother again... Maybe that's Chapter 3.
Thanks, Tom
by
Anonymous09/02/06
the most moving story
I truly loved that story it left me in tears I have two brothers and one is married when i met his wife I wanted her to. But I did`nt do anything like Jake did i Pray everything is well with veronica and Jake and Alice .
Pat Murray
Atlanta,Ga
by
Anonymous12/05/06
Too easy....
The plot is too easy.....i mean the plot is not hard and emotional solution. But i love your writing, DG Hear...thanks.
by
Anonymous01/23/07
A Good story to read
You really are a imaginative writer. You seem to spin story at your will. Keep writing and be a profilic writer.
This story had its own flaws.
A very conservative lady arrives for a party and then fucks her way thru' it. The whole story line was ridiculous. Why did she come for this party only!!! Why not more parties at her age!!!
But i am a fan of yours and whatever you write i love it. So such small criticism should not wtop you from exhibiting your talent.
Look forward to more stories from you.
lwyslv@hotmail.com
by
Anonymous05/28/07
Another dick wins
Well, here we go again. The good guy loses out. Younger brother falls to the bigger, handsomer, better lover older brother. Innocent young woman taken home and fucked by a football player who ususally doesn't care about what women think or feel. Didn't even know her real name - what a prick! And Veronica, good lil Veronica, going on a weekend romp with someone she didn't know. I think David came out the big winner here and hope he finds a trusting woman - we don't know what his fate is here? The Dad handled everything about as well as anyone could. I can sense the turmoil in big brother, but in all honesty he didn't care much as long as he got the girl. Sad, sad, sad.
by
Anonymous09/05/07
Good Story! The bigger dick wins???
Well written. Readers complaining of alpha male winning? But isn't that how it happens in the world? That's where the reference comes from... well, Veronica and Jake are really lucky it all fell apart like that and they got together, otherwise, she would be the subject of some other "cheating wife" stories... hahaha! irchristo@aol.com
by
Anonymous09/17/07
Too Pre"DICK"able
Nice story, well written but a little too pre"DICK"able. Also, Veronica was portrayed as the typical blonde, very shallow. I don't understand, if you were going to write a story about stereotypes and cliche's why didn't you go all the way. Such as: What happened to David? He now owns one of the largest software and new technologies company in the world. Thanks, in part to, the sale of one of his many ideas of blending the cell phone and a computer all into a small earpiece with virtual optical imagery to a large technologies conglomerate. His company just took off from there and now he is the first multi-millionaire in his family. He finally did get married to a PhD student he met at MIT where he was the guest speaker at her graduation commencement. Cheryl Lynn or "CL" as David calls her, earned her degree in Astro-Physics and Quantum Theory. CL and "Big D" as CL calls him (hint; the D doesn't stand for David) are currently working on earth's first, faster than light, space vehicle and matter transporter. They're both big Trekkies. When Big D was dating "V" he wasn't very experienced but he definately had the equipment. In fact, that's part of the reason "V" got hurt and couldn't enjoy the experience, but like any other males the learning curve for how to please a woman is very steep.(that means fast for those of you that don't understand graphs) Yes, life is good for Big D and CL but they still enjoy visiting the folks and his best friend, his older brother, Jake and V. David has always been so caring and generous that he gives large shares of his and CL's company to the whole family for Christmas, including V's family because David still considers them family. So now, technically, everyone in the family is at least a millionaire even little sis. In fact, the only problem they have is that when ever CL takes off her glasses she looks so much like Jessica Alba that they often end up running from fans and photographers barely making it to their Ferrari to escape. Of course, CL pointed out that in a few months they're going to have to start using the SUV more, after the twins are born. Everybodies Happy The End or is it? Find out what happens when V sees Big D in the Shower.
by
Anonymous06/03/08
i was blown away
Thank you for sharing this rather short but simple tale. Keep up the good work!
Betrayal is much worse when it's a best friend, relative, and especially a close brother. I could see him stepping aside as he was going to do. However, I do find it harder for Dave to forgive Jake and accept his answer fully. I also felt Veronica was too flippant saying to Jake, "Make an honest woman of me", considering Dave's feelings. Too me it would have been more reserved and emotional...
by
Anonymous06/03/09
What, no photos of Jake in his family home?
Every home where children live or have lived, that I have been in, has photos of the children proudly displayed. How is it that Alice/Veronica didn't see Jake's portrait?
I'm sure all your readers were like myself, on the edge of their chairs waiting to see how you would resolve the situation. No analysis here... I simply enjoyed the romp. I think it was one of the best I have read so far on this site.
I thought in the end nerd will gonna cry alone with silver moon.
But i can saw him laughing on a sunny day and he's saying I took my brother's
wife's cherry.
Anyway man this shit is classic. Very nice story :)
Very good and well written story, seems to be your usual end product. My compliments to a very fine writer.
by
Anonymous05/18/12
I usually like
your writings but not this one. I don't see how the two brothers can continue to interact, let alone have any caring for one another after this episode. Otherwise, they are just animals, which is pretty much how the father raised them to be, animals, rutting without any regard to anything but that. Sad.
There is no reason why the brother's could not get along -
The father raised the boy to take responsibility for protection -
Weird observations not supported in the story - David had already begun to see that the relationship was not as strong as he had thought - he thought he was in love but it was very early for him - he loved his brother - loved Veronica - took out his anger directly - then supported those he loved -
David behaved a lot like his brother had - putting his love of his brother ahead of his wants - it all works -
You created a difficult situation and managed to get the family through it by being honest and loving. It doesn't get much better than that. But not everybody is accustomed to that amount of honesty and/or that amount of familial love, so it doesn't strike every reader as realistic.
I liked your small, knowing touches: Jake getting rid of the unwanted groper by pretending to come back to Veronica with a cup of punch; David smirking at the thought that he took Jake's wife's virginity; and naming the baby Alice.
So I can understand some people not liking it, but I gave it a five because I thought it deserved it. As usual, "you done good!"
that the brothers would reconcile, since the Jock wasn't aware of who she was when he banged her, but I can't see David ever having anything to do with his new sister-in-law. She basically went and slutted herself out, there isn't two ways about it, despite her protestations, having unprotected sex with a stranger.
This would have far reaching and damaging effects on the family for the rest of their lives.
Okay, with the pregnancy all bets are off, but what I don't understand is why Veronica didn't give David a chance to show he could be a better lover.
by
Anonymous07/27/14
in answer to KarenE
its common when a relationship has problems , for one of two things to happen
1. lots more sex
2. no sex
confusion/guilt/anxiety & a whole bucket load of other emotions,
make us all act in ways that are not always predictable
veronica/alice in this story has only ever had sex twice ..
once with david & once with jake , so the cooling off
while she tries to deal with her Emotions actually makes most sense .
Loved the story , voted 5 stars , Author for sure is one of my Favs.
by
Anonymous10/03/14
Absolutely disgusting
Granted, the brother didn't know who she was, so I'm not blaming him. I'm blaming the cunt. Her child should have been aborted, it's clear she comes from bad blood. Not to mention, once a cheater, always a cheater.
by
Anonymous10/06/14
bored of the story after the parents meet?
Hi DG,
Obviously you got bored with this story after the party. Does not seem realistic to marry someone based on a one night encounter. “Turmoil” is not the right title… All these chapters and pages… There is more turmoil in any of our family Christmas parties any year and we never fought over a (pregnant) girl for marriage… Suggestions for a re-write:
For Veronica (a.k.a. Alice): she comes home after talking to Kristy (no, pouring her “heart out” in a much more explicit way than the one paragraph in “Veronica speaks”. She is asking herself whether she is a slut all week. Of course she meets David the next weekend after the Halloween party. After the first kiss, she decides she needs to come clean and they sit down on her bed in her room in her family home, on the Friday evening. Tomorrow they go meet their mutual parents. David thinks: “Oooh god, she looks great in skinny jeans and a t-shirt” as he meets her at the front door. She wears a bra, but not one that is hiding her nipples… Something in her kiss changed however… it started with enthusiastic delight and turned to worries and reservations. Something is wrong. He has no idea what. Sitting on the edge of her bed he looks up to Veronica and sees her serious expression. She says: “I went to a Halloween party last weekend with my friend Krista who studies in this city 40 miles away. I feel bad about not telling you”. David’s face lights up and says: “I felt something was the matter, don’t worry about any party you go to ever” and gives her a quick peck on the lips. Veronica feels even worse and thinks he is the best guy she ever met and would trust her beyond himself. A shadow crosses her mind and she is sure it shows. David looks at her with a questionable look in his eyes. Veronica blurts out: “We ended up at this bar and I met a guy, a Viking, no he was dressed as a Buccaneer”. David’s expression changes. It’s not a question anymore, but it’s not showing any doubt yet. She feels he moves away half an inch, but is not sure. She thinks: “things will change in a minute”. David says: “And?”. Veronica decides it’s easier to put all cards on the table and get over with this. He’ll be running out of the front door in 5 minutes.. “He saved me from a jerk. He was overwhelming and strong. I trembled on the most innocent touch. We danced, we talked. He tells me he lives with roommates and they share girls after games. We kiss on the dance floor and I went home with him. We had amazing sex for hours and it was a thousand times better than I ever dreamed of. It made our sex the weekend before a lot to desire. But I really love you, trust you and feel equal to you”, Veronica says in a waterfall of words and phrases. David turns away and collapses. He is crying with his head covered by his hands, elbows on his knees. Veronica reaches out to him and wraps an arm around him. David stammers “You had sex with the Viking the weekend after you gave me your virginity?”. “I know, I’m such a tramp. The first time I feel something real for a guy, I betray you the next weekend. I’m a whore”. David looks up, turns to her and takes her face in his hands. “No matter what, you are not a whore. You are the most decent girl I ever met and got trapped, conquered by a Casanova. Abducted by a Viking”. There is a knock on the door and Veronica’s mother walks in with a tray with drinks and snacks. She stalls on the scene before her….
Jake: he spends the week looking for Krista. No sign. He ends up in a bar on Friday evening and considers his next moves over a beer. Krista walks in with a group of girls and guys. He is on her before they settle in a booth. The atmosphere gets hostile, but Krista calms them down. They take a separate table and talk. Krista says she got some incredible feedback from “Alice” and if she verifies it to be true, she might give Jake her contact. They go home, have incredible sex and at 04:00 she says: “her name is Veronica and she is in love with David, if you are here in the morning, I’ll give you her office and home numbers”. His mobile beeps just as she finishes speaking. It’s the special ringtone for David…
For David: He leaves work at the dot. Traffic is a nightmare and only at 20:00 he arrives at her parent’s home. It’s weird, she drags him up to her room and they talk. He is relived, it’s only this party, but then this confession on the Viking guy, no the Buccaneer. He is torn. This is not her, saving her virginity for so long, yet giving her to the next guy a weekend later. Claiming it’s thousand times better than with me… She breaks down feeling like a cheap slut. If it would not have been Veronica, he would have left after “I met this guy…”. David thinks: “Can this ever be mended?”. Then her mother storms in with some snacks. They must look than a married couple in divorce. Her mother leaves the tray saying nothing, no remark, no comment. After the door closes, he turns to her and says: “So, he was a thousand times better than me”. Veronica’s cried out expression of guilt and doubts about herself changes to hurt: “No, it was better than I ever imagined I ever it would be. I did not compare. He is an experienced brute, you are an in inexperienced dream. I’m a whore because I let him. You should despise me”. David is silent for a second or two. But he says: “I could be driving home some forty miles right now. Or I can prove to you that what we share is far more than a night of incredible sex”. He walks up to her bedroom door and turns the lock: “Tell me what he did to make this so special and I’ll do it ten times better, then you decide”. David walks back and thinks “I am the Viking, I am in control and he swipes her up and puts her down on the bed. Her tight jeans are gone in a second and he drops his pants. He lays down beside her and says “So where do we start?”. Veronica has this astonished expression on her face and says in a disbelieving, extremely small voice: “You’re sure? You are not disgusted with me?” Dave replies: “You are a princess worth fighting for, so let the battle begin. Where do I start?” Veronica says: amazing, slow, long, deep kissing, please”. She makes him replay the night with her buccaneer, improving where she can. David insists on the condom, which spoils her mood a bit and changes the experience. She is glad her buccaneer did not bother…Hours later there is frantic knocking on the door, both Veronica and David do not hear. He continues rubbing her clit while he pulls out of her. He continues to hold her right leg up and drags off the ever required condom after she has been in multi orgasmic state for half an hour or so. At first he tried to muffle her moans and screams. He has given up on that at least 15 minutes ago. His second orgasm this evening shoots from between her legs all the way up to her face. At least 6 more spurts cover his beauty from brows to belly in his juices. As in a trance he walks up to the door and unlocks it saying “come in please”. He turns and feels the door is opened, knowing whoever is there gets a look at his arse, but he blocks their view and slides into the bed, covering Veronica and himself with the sheets. Her mom and dad are at the door asking at the same time: “did he hurt you” and “are you all right honey”? Veronica replies absently and out of breath that she has never been better and can we have a bit of privacy please. We cuddle and slowly come down. He says: “did I beat the Viking?” There is a shadow on her face and she says: “You want me to be honest?”, without waiting for an answer she says: “He was a Buccaneer and a memory I’ll never forget, no matter how I regret it. You have come extremely close”. David says: you have not blown me yet and I have not been in your ass. He feels the flinch going through her and continues: I beat him by 4000 points next time…. After a few seconds of quiet he says: a buccaneer? Which city? And she tells him. He remember his brother Jake telling him about him as a buccaneer and his secret love as “Alice in wonderland”. Ohh my god… He asks her: And you went as?” she tells him and he sits up, removing the sheets and grabbing his call. Taking his picture, he sends a messages to Jake: “Please tell me you don’t know her”, attaching her cum covered photo. Veronica is puzzled and David tries to find photo on his phone of him and Jake. He shows her one of him and Jake together, her face turns white: “Oooh my god… it’s him”. David’s phone rings, it’s nearly 04:00, and he recognizes his brother’s number “We need to talk” they say at the same time without any introduction…
This is “turmoil” (of feelings and mind). I hope you consider and extend on the sexual bit…
DG thanks for a well written simple and emotional story. As my title indicates this is a piece of fiction, and the first chapter is an example of what happens every weekend on a college campus. The BMOC gets the girl, it happens all the time.
The second chapter is well done considering the surprise. Smart,observant father knows his sons and acts like the head of a household. The older son confesses, and has the balls to tell his brother. Erotic coupling stories are supposed to have a happy ending, and with a twist, or glossing over the sibling relationship, was a neat way of achieving your objective.
what chance of that ever happening...but they do...was it meant to be...his brother got her cherry but he got the icing.....and the whole cake...
by
Anonymous12/01/16
Really?
Hate to think what would have happened if the situation had occurred between me and my brother. There would definitely have been no best man thing; and the family would have suffered in a big way.
by
Anonymous02/09/17
Sure
David kinda gets steamrolled at the end doesn't he?
English
I got to be first comment
I love your stories DG..and I love it when they have happy endings. I just think you should get the other brother and the "Alice's" friend Kristy together...
good
very good story loved the happy ending
You pulled this one out OK
After Ch. 01, I thought there was no chance for a happy resolution. Well done, DG. Honesty and love win out.
Great story!
You handled both emotions and the conflict very well. The ending was realistic and believable.
A really nice love story. Congratulations!
Ok, that was sewn up pretty good
You know, I'm not sure that the brothers would have patched everything up together that well so fast regardless of how close they were, and I "know" that the brother and his now "Ex-Girlfriend" wouldn't have been all that alright in the family now that everyone knew her secret, but as fantasy is concerned it wasn't bad.
But it does remind me of an episode of Jerry Springer though. You know where the girl sleeps with a set of brothers, one gets her pregnant, and then she marrys them after being with all the son's in the family first.
I mean I guess the brother that was sleeping with all the girls would have less problem sharing a girl, but the brother that wasn't doing that got the short end of the stick all the way around.
But that doesn't mean it wasn't an intresting story though (^_^)
Enjoyable Story
I am glad it had a happy ending. David wasn't even sure himself that he loved Veronica, so he couldn't be too mad after he thought it over. Also, the fact that she and Jake obviously were in love had to help.
Someone else said that David and Kristy should hook up. That would have been added happiness to this "Cinderella" oops "Alice" story.
I liked it.
p.s. I have to chuckle because Veronica is a family favorite fantasy name. It comes from the old Archie comics.
Good ending
Good ending. After Ch.1 this story could have went anywhere. You really pulled it together. Nice touch at the end. The baby's name. Waiting for your next story. Please not to long of a wait.
An avid reader of your stories.
I give up,
all of a sudden some my authors are switching gears. Dynamite Jack, DG Hear, and Daniellekitten are all branching out in new directions. Of course they are all good enough to do it, and do it successfully. Good story, good emotional impact, was predictable from the beginning, but had to be to have a happy ending. And if anyone thinks you can’t meet someone and fall in love immediately, think again. I proposed to my wife the first night we met, we married thirty-five days later, been together thirty-four wonderful years. Keep up the good work DG. A fan always.
Good story
MIGHT have been a little longer to give some more impact emotionally but...
hey it was damn good anyway.
And wetapap I know what you mean. I fell inlove with my wife when I first saw her.
On our first date people were asking us how long we had been married. When I kissed her I wanted to propose, and when I grew the nerve she said yes.
That was 11 years ago.
DG keep it up.
Very good story!
As always, I enjoy your stories. Incredible co-incidences DO HAPPEN!
Another Winner
A fine morality story about doing the right thing and taking responsibility for one's actions.
Boyd
Logical conclusion
Really enjoyed the story DG, expecting more hassle before the situation would right itself but this worked very well.
Great brothers.
Great girlfriend and wife.
I'm Not Convinced
While the story was well written for the most part I don't know if I can accept the David's sudden change of heart.
While I can see where David might accept Jake's explanation since it is very plausible but I can't see him being accepting of Veronica and what she did to him. It seems to me that she's a bit of a slut now that Dave's popped her cherry.
She goes off to a party and gets swept off her feet by an admitted player who shares his girlfriends with his roomies, as they share theirs with him, and she doesn't even bother to worry about protection because 'she wants to be loved', gee ain't that precious. I didn't realize David didn't love her? Now that she's had one screw she's an expert on technique? She's thinking with that hole between her legs and that's all it is. It probably didn't occur to her that David may have been a virgin too? They'd been going out for three months before this incident, did everyone forget that too? As usual, the nice guy, who respects the woman and doesn't force himself on her gets the dirty end of the stick and the player gets the girl. Nice guys don't only finish last they get their sexual techniques criticized by a girl with no sexual experience!
Then she comes home and doesn't even bother to tell her boyfriend, who wants her parents to meet his and declares his love for her, that she's had anonymous unprotected sex with a guy who admits to sleeping around. I guess the only good thing she did for David was to avoid screwing him because God only knows what she's got!
Jake was honorable in avoiding Veronica until the knowledge of the baby came out, I have to give him that much. But as I said, I can't see David being friendly to her after how she treated him.
David was the one who was deceived and he should be more cautious around her.
Shocked
I kept expecting something terrible to happen. Imagine my suprise to find a nice little story with a happy ending.
Unconvincing
Well written, If it wasa movie, it would pass for a romantic comedy these days. But.... it is far fetched and not at all believable.
Nice
Thank you.
Yep.
Nice guys finish last... LOL!!!!
Either way, nice story.
I really enjoyed the story DG!
I expected more shit before the situation would right itself but you ending worked for me. A totally naïve girl giving her cherry to her first, equally naïve, boyfriend! From her description of the event, David’s technique was somewhat lacking. No wonder Veronica was swept of her feet by the vastly more experienced Jacob. I loved the happy ending but would it have been so if Jacob had paused to put on a condom? As for meeting someone and falling in love immediately, I met my wife on a blind date. It was love at first sight for me and, I assume, for her since we moved in together and eventually got married and have been together forty wonderful years. Keep up the good work DG. A devoted fan, Pete.
Give me a break
Brother forgives other brother for fucking is girlfriend and both brothers don't think the girl is a slut?
Yout forgot one thing
I liked your story. You just left out the part where she cheats on her husband and does his brother again... Maybe that's Chapter 3.
Thanks, Tom
the most moving story
I truly loved that story it left me in tears I have two brothers and one is married when i met his wife I wanted her to. But I did`nt do anything like Jake did i Pray everything is well with veronica and Jake and Alice .
Pat Murray
Atlanta,Ga
Too easy....
The plot is too easy.....i mean the plot is not hard and emotional solution. But i love your writing, DG Hear...thanks.
A Good story to read
You really are a imaginative writer. You seem to spin story at your will. Keep writing and be a profilic writer.
This story had its own flaws.
A very conservative lady arrives for a party and then fucks her way thru' it. The whole story line was ridiculous. Why did she come for this party only!!! Why not more parties at her age!!!
But i am a fan of yours and whatever you write i love it. So such small criticism should not wtop you from exhibiting your talent.
Look forward to more stories from you.
lwyslv@hotmail.com
Another dick wins
Well, here we go again. The good guy loses out. Younger brother falls to the bigger, handsomer, better lover older brother. Innocent young woman taken home and fucked by a football player who ususally doesn't care about what women think or feel. Didn't even know her real name - what a prick! And Veronica, good lil Veronica, going on a weekend romp with someone she didn't know. I think David came out the big winner here and hope he finds a trusting woman - we don't know what his fate is here? The Dad handled everything about as well as anyone could. I can sense the turmoil in big brother, but in all honesty he didn't care much as long as he got the girl. Sad, sad, sad.
Good Story! The bigger dick wins???
Well written. Readers complaining of alpha male winning? But isn't that how it happens in the world? That's where the reference comes from... well, Veronica and Jake are really lucky it all fell apart like that and they got together, otherwise, she would be the subject of some other "cheating wife" stories... hahaha! irchristo@aol.com
Too Pre"DICK"able
Nice story, well written but a little too pre"DICK"able. Also, Veronica was portrayed as the typical blonde, very shallow. I don't understand, if you were going to write a story about stereotypes and cliche's why didn't you go all the way. Such as: What happened to David? He now owns one of the largest software and new technologies company in the world. Thanks, in part to, the sale of one of his many ideas of blending the cell phone and a computer all into a small earpiece with virtual optical imagery to a large technologies conglomerate. His company just took off from there and now he is the first multi-millionaire in his family. He finally did get married to a PhD student he met at MIT where he was the guest speaker at her graduation commencement. Cheryl Lynn or "CL" as David calls her, earned her degree in Astro-Physics and Quantum Theory. CL and "Big D" as CL calls him (hint; the D doesn't stand for David) are currently working on earth's first, faster than light, space vehicle and matter transporter. They're both big Trekkies. When Big D was dating "V" he wasn't very experienced but he definately had the equipment. In fact, that's part of the reason "V" got hurt and couldn't enjoy the experience, but like any other males the learning curve for how to please a woman is very steep.(that means fast for those of you that don't understand graphs) Yes, life is good for Big D and CL but they still enjoy visiting the folks and his best friend, his older brother, Jake and V. David has always been so caring and generous that he gives large shares of his and CL's company to the whole family for Christmas, including V's family because David still considers them family. So now, technically, everyone in the family is at least a millionaire even little sis. In fact, the only problem they have is that when ever CL takes off her glasses she looks so much like Jessica Alba that they often end up running from fans and photographers barely making it to their Ferrari to escape. Of course, CL pointed out that in a few months they're going to have to start using the SUV more, after the twins are born. Everybodies Happy The End or is it? Find out what happens when V sees Big D in the Shower.
i was blown away
Thank you for sharing this rather short but simple tale. Keep up the good work!
Yea
Betrayal is much worse when it's a best friend, relative, and especially a close brother. I could see him stepping aside as he was going to do. However, I do find it harder for Dave to forgive Jake and accept his answer fully. I also felt Veronica was too flippant saying to Jake, "Make an honest woman of me", considering Dave's feelings. Too me it would have been more reserved and emotional...
What, no photos of Jake in his family home?
Every home where children live or have lived, that I have been in, has photos of the children proudly displayed. How is it that Alice/Veronica didn't see Jake's portrait?
-- srgeek --
YEAH!!!
I'm really glad the way it turned out and that his brother did not hate him.
Nice cliff hanger
I'm sure all your readers were like myself, on the edge of their chairs waiting to see how you would resolve the situation. No analysis here... I simply enjoyed the romp. I think it was one of the best I have read so far on this site.
Keep 'em cummin. DG!
COOOOOL
I thought in the end nerd will gonna cry alone with silver moon.
But i can saw him laughing on a sunny day and he's saying I took my brother's
wife's cherry.
Anyway man this shit is classic. Very nice story :)
-CHRIS
so
one more chapter about little bro
Very good and well written story, seems to be your usual end product. My compliments to a very fine writer.
I usually like
your writings but not this one. I don't see how the two brothers can continue to interact, let alone have any caring for one another after this episode. Otherwise, they are just animals, which is pretty much how the father raised them to be, animals, rutting without any regard to anything but that. Sad.
I don't follow the below Anon's logic
There is no reason why the brother's could not get along -
The father raised the boy to take responsibility for protection -
Weird observations not supported in the story - David had already begun to see that the relationship was not as strong as he had thought - he thought he was in love but it was very early for him - he loved his brother - loved Veronica - took out his anger directly - then supported those he loved -
David behaved a lot like his brother had - putting his love of his brother ahead of his wants - it all works -
good
loved it an awsome story makes me wish i had a brother to be close with
i agree with Talvad
The brothers had a strong bond that you don't expect to hear about here at Lit (well maybe in gay theme but i don't go there...lol).
I liked it!
You created a difficult situation and managed to get the family through it by being honest and loving. It doesn't get much better than that. But not everybody is accustomed to that amount of honesty and/or that amount of familial love, so it doesn't strike every reader as realistic.
I liked your small, knowing touches: Jake getting rid of the unwanted groper by pretending to come back to Veronica with a cup of punch; David smirking at the thought that he took Jake's wife's virginity; and naming the baby Alice.
So I can understand some people not liking it, but I gave it a five because I thought it deserved it. As usual, "you done good!"
It's possible
that the brothers would reconcile, since the Jock wasn't aware of who she was when he banged her, but I can't see David ever having anything to do with his new sister-in-law. She basically went and slutted herself out, there isn't two ways about it, despite her protestations, having unprotected sex with a stranger.
This would have far reaching and damaging effects on the family for the rest of their lives.
One Thing Bothers Me
Okay, with the pregnancy all bets are off, but what I don't understand is why Veronica didn't give David a chance to show he could be a better lover.
in answer to KarenE
its common when a relationship has problems , for one of two things to happen
1. lots more sex
2. no sex
confusion/guilt/anxiety & a whole bucket load of other emotions,
make us all act in ways that are not always predictable
veronica/alice in this story has only ever had sex twice ..
once with david & once with jake , so the cooling off
while she tries to deal with her Emotions actually makes most sense .
Loved the story , voted 5 stars , Author for sure is one of my Favs.
Absolutely disgusting
Granted, the brother didn't know who she was, so I'm not blaming him. I'm blaming the cunt. Her child should have been aborted, it's clear she comes from bad blood. Not to mention, once a cheater, always a cheater.
bored of the story after the parents meet?
Hi DG,
Obviously you got bored with this story after the party. Does not seem realistic to marry someone based on a one night encounter. “Turmoil” is not the right title… All these chapters and pages… There is more turmoil in any of our family Christmas parties any year and we never fought over a (pregnant) girl for marriage… Suggestions for a re-write:
For Veronica (a.k.a. Alice): she comes home after talking to Kristy (no, pouring her “heart out” in a much more explicit way than the one paragraph in “Veronica speaks”. She is asking herself whether she is a slut all week. Of course she meets David the next weekend after the Halloween party. After the first kiss, she decides she needs to come clean and they sit down on her bed in her room in her family home, on the Friday evening. Tomorrow they go meet their mutual parents. David thinks: “Oooh god, she looks great in skinny jeans and a t-shirt” as he meets her at the front door. She wears a bra, but not one that is hiding her nipples… Something in her kiss changed however… it started with enthusiastic delight and turned to worries and reservations. Something is wrong. He has no idea what. Sitting on the edge of her bed he looks up to Veronica and sees her serious expression. She says: “I went to a Halloween party last weekend with my friend Krista who studies in this city 40 miles away. I feel bad about not telling you”. David’s face lights up and says: “I felt something was the matter, don’t worry about any party you go to ever” and gives her a quick peck on the lips. Veronica feels even worse and thinks he is the best guy she ever met and would trust her beyond himself. A shadow crosses her mind and she is sure it shows. David looks at her with a questionable look in his eyes. Veronica blurts out: “We ended up at this bar and I met a guy, a Viking, no he was dressed as a Buccaneer”. David’s expression changes. It’s not a question anymore, but it’s not showing any doubt yet. She feels he moves away half an inch, but is not sure. She thinks: “things will change in a minute”. David says: “And?”. Veronica decides it’s easier to put all cards on the table and get over with this. He’ll be running out of the front door in 5 minutes.. “He saved me from a jerk. He was overwhelming and strong. I trembled on the most innocent touch. We danced, we talked. He tells me he lives with roommates and they share girls after games. We kiss on the dance floor and I went home with him. We had amazing sex for hours and it was a thousand times better than I ever dreamed of. It made our sex the weekend before a lot to desire. But I really love you, trust you and feel equal to you”, Veronica says in a waterfall of words and phrases. David turns away and collapses. He is crying with his head covered by his hands, elbows on his knees. Veronica reaches out to him and wraps an arm around him. David stammers “You had sex with the Viking the weekend after you gave me your virginity?”. “I know, I’m such a tramp. The first time I feel something real for a guy, I betray you the next weekend. I’m a whore”. David looks up, turns to her and takes her face in his hands. “No matter what, you are not a whore. You are the most decent girl I ever met and got trapped, conquered by a Casanova. Abducted by a Viking”. There is a knock on the door and Veronica’s mother walks in with a tray with drinks and snacks. She stalls on the scene before her….
Jake: he spends the week looking for Krista. No sign. He ends up in a bar on Friday evening and considers his next moves over a beer. Krista walks in with a group of girls and guys. He is on her before they settle in a booth. The atmosphere gets hostile, but Krista calms them down. They take a separate table and talk. Krista says she got some incredible feedback from “Alice” and if she verifies it to be true, she might give Jake her contact. They go home, have incredible sex and at 04:00 she says: “her name is Veronica and she is in love with David, if you are here in the morning, I’ll give you her office and home numbers”. His mobile beeps just as she finishes speaking. It’s the special ringtone for David…
For David: He leaves work at the dot. Traffic is a nightmare and only at 20:00 he arrives at her parent’s home. It’s weird, she drags him up to her room and they talk. He is relived, it’s only this party, but then this confession on the Viking guy, no the Buccaneer. He is torn. This is not her, saving her virginity for so long, yet giving her to the next guy a weekend later. Claiming it’s thousand times better than with me… She breaks down feeling like a cheap slut. If it would not have been Veronica, he would have left after “I met this guy…”. David thinks: “Can this ever be mended?”. Then her mother storms in with some snacks. They must look than a married couple in divorce. Her mother leaves the tray saying nothing, no remark, no comment. After the door closes, he turns to her and says: “So, he was a thousand times better than me”. Veronica’s cried out expression of guilt and doubts about herself changes to hurt: “No, it was better than I ever imagined I ever it would be. I did not compare. He is an experienced brute, you are an in inexperienced dream. I’m a whore because I let him. You should despise me”. David is silent for a second or two. But he says: “I could be driving home some forty miles right now. Or I can prove to you that what we share is far more than a night of incredible sex”. He walks up to her bedroom door and turns the lock: “Tell me what he did to make this so special and I’ll do it ten times better, then you decide”. David walks back and thinks “I am the Viking, I am in control and he swipes her up and puts her down on the bed. Her tight jeans are gone in a second and he drops his pants. He lays down beside her and says “So where do we start?”. Veronica has this astonished expression on her face and says in a disbelieving, extremely small voice: “You’re sure? You are not disgusted with me?” Dave replies: “You are a princess worth fighting for, so let the battle begin. Where do I start?” Veronica says: amazing, slow, long, deep kissing, please”. She makes him replay the night with her buccaneer, improving where she can. David insists on the condom, which spoils her mood a bit and changes the experience. She is glad her buccaneer did not bother…Hours later there is frantic knocking on the door, both Veronica and David do not hear. He continues rubbing her clit while he pulls out of her. He continues to hold her right leg up and drags off the ever required condom after she has been in multi orgasmic state for half an hour or so. At first he tried to muffle her moans and screams. He has given up on that at least 15 minutes ago. His second orgasm this evening shoots from between her legs all the way up to her face. At least 6 more spurts cover his beauty from brows to belly in his juices. As in a trance he walks up to the door and unlocks it saying “come in please”. He turns and feels the door is opened, knowing whoever is there gets a look at his arse, but he blocks their view and slides into the bed, covering Veronica and himself with the sheets. Her mom and dad are at the door asking at the same time: “did he hurt you” and “are you all right honey”? Veronica replies absently and out of breath that she has never been better and can we have a bit of privacy please. We cuddle and slowly come down. He says: “did I beat the Viking?” There is a shadow on her face and she says: “You want me to be honest?”, without waiting for an answer she says: “He was a Buccaneer and a memory I’ll never forget, no matter how I regret it. You have come extremely close”. David says: you have not blown me yet and I have not been in your ass. He feels the flinch going through her and continues: I beat him by 4000 points next time…. After a few seconds of quiet he says: a buccaneer? Which city? And she tells him. He remember his brother Jake telling him about him as a buccaneer and his secret love as “Alice in wonderland”. Ohh my god… He asks her: And you went as?” she tells him and he sits up, removing the sheets and grabbing his call. Taking his picture, he sends a messages to Jake: “Please tell me you don’t know her”, attaching her cum covered photo. Veronica is puzzled and David tries to find photo on his phone of him and Jake. He shows her one of him and Jake together, her face turns white: “Oooh my god… it’s him”. David’s phone rings, it’s nearly 04:00, and he recognizes his brother’s number “We need to talk” they say at the same time without any introduction…
This is “turmoil” (of feelings and mind). I hope you consider and extend on the sexual bit…
Fiction
DG thanks for a well written simple and emotional story. As my title indicates this is a piece of fiction, and the first chapter is an example of what happens every weekend on a college campus. The BMOC gets the girl, it happens all the time.
The second chapter is well done considering the surprise. Smart,observant father knows his sons and acts like the head of a household. The older son confesses, and has the balls to tell his brother. Erotic coupling stories are supposed to have a happy ending, and with a twist, or glossing over the sibling relationship, was a neat way of achieving your objective.
For your critics, I say it's fiction.
Enjoyed it
rather quick. Thanks for the offering.
nice one
what chance of that ever happening...but they do...was it meant to be...his brother got her cherry but he got the icing.....and the whole cake...
Really?
Hate to think what would have happened if the situation had occurred between me and my brother. There would definitely have been no best man thing; and the family would have suffered in a big way.
Sure
David kinda gets steamrolled at the end doesn't he?
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