All Comments on 'Last Wishes'

I love this story. I wish you would write a sequel to this, but I understand if you don't.

Every word of this story rings true. These are real people with real needs and desires. You painted a picture of a strong, sensual, and noble woman. A woman conflicted but with a firm foothold in the real world.

The vast majority of the stories on this site are the wildest form of fantasy. I could see this story actually playing itself out in the den of a suburban home and across the expanse of the internet. How many of us have engaged in some sort of internet flirting or gone further, much further? How few of us would have been as strong as Deborah? The opportunity was there and she denied herself the very thing that she desperately wanted.

I also liked the way you drew the husband. He was hit with what could have been a terrible shock after his wifes death and yet he handled it with the same love he gave his wife during their time together. I saw him as a man as devoted to his wife as she was to him. When presented with a choice these people did the right thing. There are no villains in this story; just real people, good people.

There may even be a moral in this story. Love, unconditional and selfless love is the only defense against the temptations all around us. Love your partner with all that you have and that love will be the wall of defense that no one will be able to breech.

You are an amazing writer. I think we need a Hall Of Fame here at Lit and the first jersey we hang from the rafters should be #51.

This is a special story; special even from the pen of one so talented as Patty.

It involves a widower dealing with his wife's previously hidden inner life; discovering disconcerting facts about which he hadn't a clue.

The story deftly portrays the range of his emotions as he goes through discovery to shock to betrayal to acceptance.

Funny thing is, and the most important revelation he discovered was: she truly was a loving wife.

Thank you for a good read. Enjoyed the story and the emotions it evoked. It was fast, quick and clean. Good writing is a pleasure to experience.

What a delightful story! A great way to start the week.

for writing such a thoughtful story. Sad but heartwarming at the same time.

As the poet said "O was some Power the giftie gie us

To see oursels as ithers see us!"

Encouragement, admiration and thanks Precious Patti.

Poetry and songs in this offering "I see the world from both sides now."

Thank you, as always.

This story is like a precious jewel found in the dung pile that is "loving Wifes". Your character was truly loving.

Thanks for the story and the inspiration.

You've drawn out the feelings of the central character so nicely.

The grief, the uncertainty, the sense of betrayal and inadequacy, the rediscovery of love, the acceptance.

Very nice work patricia. A real joy to read.

An achingly real depiction of love and grief and understanding.

Thank you.

Roger

but not this time. Very nice writing, excellent story, and I enjoyed every word of it. I smoked the cigarettes with him, drank the whiskey, paced the floor, and in the end, felt very relieved that she loved us above all else. What more could an author accomplish. A fan always.

a good story

that comes from the heart. A loving story told without anyone being mad or hurt. I feel for John, and I am glad you wrote it where he could talk to Judith without blowing up and getting mad at anyone. Life is too short to carry a grudge or try for revenge.

Thank you patricia51...

A story with more angst in it than 'most any other.

There seems to be only one thing you have not included, and I wonder if you even thought of it.

And so many facets of it to think about.

Without a doubt, no question at all, John would have felt he had lost some portion of his wife's love on discovering she loved another.

One aspect of marriage, at least for most, all of those I am aware of, is that each parner has given themselves wholly, completely to the other. Of course that is an impossibility, there would be and would always be little parts hidden away. Some even the partner holding these secrets might not be aware of.

But sexuality is not one of those that could or should be hidden.

Perhaps... No! Probably! If the "secret" were in the past and never impinged on the lives of the married couple it could and maybe should be ignored.

But when a major emotional outlet is discovered, then sought out and kept secret from the other partner not just once but over years, it is more than a problem.

And the secret keeper admits and understands he is withholding something from the partner. If that wasn't understood there would be no reason to keep it a secret. That in itself is an admission by the secret holder that something is being withheld from the relationship. An admission that not all the love and compassion they feel due to their partner is being shared.

Perhaps the secret keeper was not willing to admit to themselves the extent of the loss to their partner.

Fantasies, urges, such things are not in the realm, the universe, of having, encouraging and cultivating stronger and stronger directions toward which the secret keeper is veering at the expense of their partner.

And the secret keeper admits this, if not to the knowledge of it, in the impassioned "defenses" and adamant statements that they will never turn away from the partner. Those statements and defenses are in themselves admissions. How does it go? Methinks you protest too much?

So, how would the remaining partner, the husband in your story, react? I would like to think this gentle, loving man would accept this new facet of his beloved's life. But make no doubt of it, he would feel less loved.

Do I have a panacea to salve the hurt, prevent it? Not at all, unless somehow bringing the partner into full knowledge can do it. Certainly, strong depth of the soul yearnings are not things that can be ignored.

Doug

One of our best writers, with a story that rings achingly true. I'm a big boy, and big boys aren't supposed to cry, but I felt some tears welling up as I read of this man's struggles. A very, very good read.

Patty you have such a gift that words cannot really express it. Thank you for this wonderful story. You have brought out almost all the emotions of those truly in love who loses that loved one. Finding out that Deborah had another life in her fantasies and correspondences with others all over the world was shocking in itself; however finding out that she had a very strong relationship with Judith could have sent John over the edge.

Only you Patricia could have could bring out that person that John really was and let him call Judith with the sad news of her passing.

A truly very fine story for which you are so well known , thank you again friend.

George

Thank you for this story. The loss of a spouse has to be one of the most traumatic events in a person's life, and in some respects, perhaps even more so than the lose of a child. You handled it with sensitivity and love. The bisexuality of Deborah was, at least to me, incidental. What you so aptly illustrated was the love and acceptance of a devoted husband. The story touched me deeply, and again, thank you.

Patricia,

You have done it again. Another masterful story and as usual one that touches deep even to people such as myself who have no experience with the life style you write of. It is probably because you a so skillful at touching the elements and core of people in general. I hope you continue to write these stories for they are some of the very best on this site.

this story was outstanding good! Thanks for sharing your gift with us. Sometimes we don't know how much we are loved until that love is gone.

Best regards!

I had this interesting conversation one time with my then In-Laws... it involved being able to love more then just your SO, they both vehemently told me that I was dead wrong that you could only love one person and that if you did then you were not really loving anyone. I have always thought that the heart has the capcity to love and love and love and just when you think its done it loves more... I told them they were wrong.... that my heart was not some tiny box that couldn't be filled to overflowing and then some.... I will never forget that conversation. Your story was wonderful.

Always, E

you in the top 5 of all time writer on this site.now saying that are you ok.you sound like you are saying good bye.what up with that? ok make be top 2 all time.keep the good work coming.

Other than a typo or two, I found nothing to fault here. Please keep writing. I look forward to more of your stories.

A beautiful story from a talanted lady. I'll be brief and sum it up with two words: Perfection extraordinaire.

in a page than most writers can in chapters. I could identify with both spouses and cry and laugh with them as I read your story. The weakness, and the strength, of the human condition is the source for all literature. You used weakness and strength in this quite expertly. It was simply a really good story.

The fact that Deborah realized that John would be hurt by her actions tells an awful lot. It is in effect the admission that she knows she is cheating him by giving some of her love to another person. One can come to no other conclusion.

Now, I don't have a problem with her having those hidden feelings. I think she is free to do what she must do for her own sake. The fact that he found out after the death absolves her of any consequences, but he still has to live with it. Had he discovered this before Deborah's death we would have an entirely different story here.

As it is, I admire his character greatly. He is totally surprised and hurt. He goes through a gamit of emotions about what he discovers, BUT, in the end he realizes he cannot change what his wife was. In order to get insight to her unknown feelings he ultimately contacts Juidith, the other special person in his wife's life. In doing so he will end up sharing her even further with Judith.

This too is not a bad thing at all, because in doing so maybe they will both know the whole Deborah which is what each must long to do.

I loved it, and yes, even Charleybear had a tear or two.

M'Lady, beautifully done and well trimed. I loved it.

Real depiction of sorrow, doubt, love and all other emotions at a sad time!

As always a master!

Thank You!

John

Thank you very much for writing a thoughtful if very disquieting little tale of modern betrayal. I cannot help but think that John's reaction as well as the reaction of your readers, would have been dramatically different if Judith had been male. Yet, there is no real difference. Deborah was in fact cheating on John. He will feel the betrayal for the rest of his life, even if it is a bit molified by the memory of her loving nature.

Another winner by you. You write as well as anyone on Literotica.

Boyd

Your story touched the insecurities we all have toward those who are our soulmates. How can we truly think that we know them? We only have what they say and do as a measure of their spirit and soul. Everyone I know have their secrets.

Some secrets are sweet (kept to protect us) and some are bitter (kept to protect them). In your story John finds out that the secret his decreased wife kept was a desire than fell below the love they shared so this was truly a loving wife story.

Thanks!

SleeplessinMD

A little apprehensive but a truly loving story!

This comment goes against all of my homophobic bias; what a mature and touching story this was.

My favorite author has done it again. Your writing is the most thought provoking on Literotica. Yes, you play your readers like a violin. Emotionly you run us through the full range of feelings mankind is heir to and at the same time the thought is firmly planted, If it was me . . ? Thank You. Ronnie W.

Pat

This was one of your best. The drama, the grief, the examination of feelings was excellent. Unlike Torn this one is complete in itself. I see you put yourself into this.

Read ya later

Bishop

Sorry, but I can't agree with all the coments about what a 'loving and tender' story this is. It is not that at all.

Firstly, let me say I enjoyed this story. On the face of it, it all seems quite 'nice', and she seems a good woman.

But, Patti, let's look a bit deeper. You hit the nail on the head in the story when you have John say to himself:

"Loved. How could she say that? She was his WIFE, dammit, she was supposed to love only him. Well, at least in that fashion. After all, she had loved their children, and her parents, and other relatives, and people at the church, and others she knew. But this was different. This was the love that only two people could share. Wasn't it?...................But how could Deborah's love for Judith not somehow have compromised, lessened the love she felt for him?"

Then you seemingly disregard those thoughts/emotions for the rest of the story as if they are irrelevant.

I believe those words to be the true crux of the story. Yes, her love for those other people mentioned is a different kind of love from the love she has for John. It is a shared love, shared with John for those people, so it in fact added to their love, one for the other.

And John is correct – Deborah's love for Judith DID compromise and lessen her love for him – in a BIG way too. For all the justification which came later, she did wrong; she knew she was doing wrong, and she kept on doing wrong. What sort of person was she? Quite frankly 'a very flawed person' is the best light I can shine on her. She wanted her cake and eat it too – not the first one of those and not the last either. But she quite knowingly rejected her husband and gave some of the love which was rightly his to some unknown entity on another computer somewhere. It could have quite easily been some fat balding 25 stone sweaty pig she was pledging her love to – how could she know? But nonetheless she channelled love which should have been John's to this person. What sort of deficient personality would do that? She is not a 'loving wife' at all.

Now he has found out after her death and cannot even discuss any of it with her. It is quite possible they may have parted ways over this - we will never know – neither will John.

But we are expected to believe he will blithely have a phone conversation with Judith to get to know is dead wife better. Just a bit too unlikely for my credibility rating.

Seems the moral of this story is a that secret lesbian affair (requited or not) is alright and will not affect a marriage in any way. Poppycock theme, well told.

where did that phone number come from?

Had the relationship developed to the stage of talking on the phone?

If so it was way more serious than an 'online fling' whch would never be consummated????

I'm sure that this has happened many times to both widowers and widows.

Obviously some of your readers are so insecure that they couldn't handle being in this situation. However most of them are total jerks anyhow.

Anyhow a great tale.

Thanks

On the surface the story was good.

Quite a few edting errors, five I noticed without even looking hard - enough to annoy.

Then that phone number? We were told this was a online affair only. They would never meet. No phone sex etc.etc.

So how did John manage to suddenly have Judith's phone number?

How did your team miss that 'little' detail?

Annoying to have a major item like that appear from nowhere, it spoiled the whole story more so than the theme of lesbian affairs don't count. Talk about a double standard - come to think of it, someone did today.

commentators.

Why has everyone concentrated on this being the story of a Lesbian relationship? The truth is this story applies to heterosexual relationships as well. Perhaps the same sex theme may make it easier for the husband to accept it. But romantic, sexual love is the same emotion whether two women direct it to one another, two men doing it, or in this case the wife having a secret male lover. In all these cases no attempt for consumation need be made. As I said earlier, in all these cases the wife (in this case) has withheld something from the marriage with her husband.

Maybe the lesbian relationship is easier to accept, but it is NO different from love given to another whatever the sex.

Doug

I can't answer for other commentators, but I mentioned the lesbian relationship because that is the subject about which Patti wrote. Fancy that! - comment on the story and still get a blast?

Had I mentioned a male/male relationship or a heterosexual cheating scenario as you have, what would be the relevance to Patti's story?

My comments were centered around John, Deb and Judith because those were the characters in the story Patti wrote and I read.

Those names could easily be any names in any of the possible permuations of gender and all my comments re the effect on a marriage of sharing or splitting one's love are still valid. (except, of course, if my name were Vickie? Then I'd be an angel disadvantaging no one)

thank heavens you are back on line.

there are very few authors that can hold my interest but you are one of those,

good stories do not need graphic sex to hold your attention its the feelings that hold your attention.

best wishes

A mostly adoring public evidently sees something I don't.

The way he should have felt in the situation described was much less than loved or loving. I would have been much more confused and openly angry with her - the one who selfishly and passionately wanted not me soley but quietly and secretly another as well. She wanted a lesbian lover, but didn't have the courage to admit, to inform, to offend, to act or alter or upset or change her life or others. Safety in preserving the her marriage and life status quo seemed primary so to speak.

Kinda like saying "it was only sex" but instead saying "I also love her as much or more as you" but I am selfishly ashamed and not courageous enough to confront myself or you.

If this is what you meant to depict, I could understand the confliction but you didn't confront his real life issue but seemed to give her tacit and subtle approval for her secret infringing love. This confuses me immensely as to your message or story purpose??? Is the message that bisexuality in marriage is ok if open or hidden even though marriage by definition is not a sharing beyond the two contractualy commited married people???

Not the clarity of message I have come to expect from you is it?

You have not read the author's bio which states that

(1) she is bi and loves her husband;

(2) she engages in cyber relationships that are

subordinate to her love for her husband

Now do you understand "Last Wishes?"

SleeplessinMD

I have to wonder how it would have been received as a published book.

People seem to have a different scale for stories written on-line.

Folks, the characters are flawed. It is what makes it a story and weaves a tapestry of thoughts and emotions.

With a short story the true nature of a character becomes even more vague. That is part of the charm. It allows you to fill in the blanks. Try not to fill all of them with negative thoughts.

I haven't read the pervious comments so I don't know if I am repeating something some body else has said or if I am disagreeing with someone but I wouldn't be suprise of I am. :)

So this is a good story well written, not at all unusual for Patricia51, and unique. I like it because it is different. At least I haven’t read too many stories with this theme to them. It was a good idea and a good exacution of the idea. I could see a husband reacting like that, well except for maybe hugging the truck driver then again maybe so, and I could see how a wife would not want her husband to know about some of her past relationships and her current online one. Both elements were well done I believe.

I do however have one question did she have sex with the women before meeting hubby? I probably missed something in that section or it could be something that was supposed to be assumed. But if so I like things better stated so I don’t assume the wrong thing as I have done a time or two.

And this section<<They all seemed innocuous. Among others, there were two folders labeled "Stories". No, one was "Other's Stories".>> That third sentence doesn’t seem to make sense. I figured out what it meant by the context but I think Patricia51 and her editor missed somethingalong with some typos this time. I should speak about typos they are unsual in her work.

And I missed where he got the phone number but I can see how he would be unsure about calling the other woman. The emotion was there and the clarity of husband’s thoughts as well as what was on the E-mails, everything was in good shape.

As to the stories he mention by name. I don’t recognize those names except for maybe Ann Douglas so are all real writers and stories?

I will add that this type of realtionship can distract from a hubsand and wife one but in this case it wasn't much and she did spend time with hubby and building that realtionship.

TabooTeller

I appreciate your writing a sensitive story about a couple, their secrets and fidelity. I thought it to be a nice story. Now, imagine what would have happened (perhaps another story) if she had shared those feelings with him, & trusted him...

A wonderful story - thanks.

To me, this is the best story I've read on this site. It seemed realistic. And as to the phone number issue, I have a number of my email contacts telephone numbers, but the friendship is stricly online so no long distance bill.

I will look for more of your work. Thanks for writing.

Patricia i broke down crying when John found out about deborahs fateful secret and when she got killed will they be a continuation to johns phone call i broke down crying because i lost my not to a car crash but he passed away and i feel for john thats my first name and my dads.thank you patricia i loved that story.

Pat Murray

Atlanta,Ga.

browsing and I found this excellent story,thank you for writing it,and just to say I know how the driver of the 18 wheeler felt.

Here is a rare story on Lit: one that understands conflicting emotions and offers thoughtful outcomes rather than knee-jerk reactions.

Patti has reached deeply into the well of emotions in this story of a husband who makes a shocking discovery about his wife after her death. And the author has refused to take the easy path from the start to the finish of this very moving story.

This story is highly recommended to any Lit reader who is willing to delve deeply into the real feelings of real-seeming people. It is a sad story, but in the end, uplifting.

I thought this was one of your best. Definitely Five Stars.

Patricia another wonderful story. I am fairly new here and just

getting to your stories. This one provokes a lot of emotion.

Thanks for sharing.

One little flaw does exist in the premise however. An 18 wheel truck

that has an air line break would not lose his breaks, they would lock

up. On big rigs, air is used in the reverse of break fluid on a car.

In a truck when you press the brake pedal air is released from the

brakes thus allowing them to apply. Just for future stories.

But again thanks for the story.

This one hurt.

Patricia, you have pointed out the main pitfall of these current times of instant chat, facebook friends, etc. To make sure the friends we make from literally around the world aware when a calamity happens is yet another responsibility of those that are left behind.Yet how would we handle the depth of friendship or love with others? This is something we will each have to wrestle with and find our own answers for. Thank you for sounding the wake up call for all of us. While you have written "fiction" this has real life implications. Great job!

You show more feeling and put more reality into your stories than "Any" other writer I have read on this site. I have heard that cyber affairs are emotional cheating, but after reading this I realized that it can a release valve as well. One does have to decide where the heart goes or stays don't they? So why not have both an emotional affair online and a real life with your chosen too if you need both? Most couples have fantasies about others and keep them as fantasies just like this wife did. I defy anyone to say they never have...

Aren't we all living in fantasy land online? Just by reading all the stories in "Loving wives?" Aren't we taking away a little bit of ourselves from our spouse? Isn't that better than acting out our fantasy? She could have left her husband and went to Judith like some do in these stories. Yet this woman kept herself from doing so because she did not want to hurt her husband. How can you not admire her?

I have heard on this site that feelings are feelings. They can be kept from being exposed but never destroyed. Of course on this site they can definitely be expressed...and that is a good thing I think. Well...except for the negative rantings of commenters on other peoples efforts at writing for all of us. Thats when I express my feelings! I guess I am getting as bad as Harry!

Pretty pathetic, I think. A cheater is a cheater regardless of the sex that the cheater is involved with.

There is no black and white stamp for internet chatting especially where the emotions are concerned and let's face it you are dealing with the human emotional psyche on the net.

Maybe they should now include in wedding vows that internet canoodling will not be tolerated as well....lolz

Bottom line: If you cannot talk to your partner about another person whom you feel love for, if you feel it will hurt them and yet you continue...then it is cheating.

Sorry Patti but this is the 4th time I have tried to post a comment. Great story. I am sad for both of them. Thanks. Jim

It's a love story not a lesbian story.

His wife was cheating on him emotionally and lying to him for years. She didn't physically cheat yet but she didn't live long enough for her to eventually take that step.

...somewhere in the south there really is a man who will never know how far the woman he's been married to for almost forty years,raised children with,lived through the death of one with,lived through long seperations from while he was with the marines and been grandparents with has really gone. or maybe he's better off. yes,i'm talking about the author's husband.patricia51,if you read this,you're a sad testimony to the fact that we can never ever trust or know another human being no matter how much time goes by. and that no matter how achingly corrupt someone is,they can always rationalize it away.

I tend to agree with Kanga. The widower is a prime candidate for topping himself - this internet fling may just be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

Sure - he contacts Judith and they celebrate Deb's life but later on when he's alone in the darkness - the barrel will move up to his mouth.

Makes me wish he'd never seen her stuff in the first place - he'd life out the rest of his life without knowing.

Thought provoking story. 4****

now what he needs to do is post every message she had to every friend and member of the famile he can reach. not under his name of course. or maybe he can open a web site and post them all there and then send then all the link with a few messages. he can't hurt her but he sure can fuck with her memory.

John would never know if Deborah would have crossed the line. He found out about her secret internet life and it could have just been a matter of time before she acted on it. Yes, in the end John contacted this wife's lesbian emotional lover to make her aware of the tragedy but...

Who knows?

hard to overcome with total strangers. TK U MLJ LV NV

A 5. Partly for good writing, partly to offset the nastiness from the white trash losers who are not worth having any woman.

She sheltered him, loved him and... so much more. I wouldn't call her a cheater or say she betrayed him. The saddest part of the tale is that she never found a way to trust him enough to share her "other life" with him. Imagine living with her being able to fully love and be loved on both sides of the street!

thanks for a thought provoking tale.

about a cheating slut. he should be glad she is dead so he does not have to pay for a divorce.

The trouble with this story is that the betrayal lies in the secret second life his wife was leading on the internet. It does not matter that she did not "consummate" the relationship. The relationship itself was an adulterous additive the marriage. John did not really know who his wife was, because she hid it from him. She pretended to be someone else. She did this for her own gain and lied to herself that it was to protect him. I personally would like to have the choice as to whether to be in a relationship with a person who was carrying on a relationship with another person. Not giving her husband that choice is disrespectful, as well as deceptive. She deceived him with lies of omission. He could only be gracious to Judith because his wife was now dead, and the lie died with her.

good story you should add on to this story though.

That John is not smart enough to know he was being betrayed.

Scorpio44. No way this story's "cheating" is like what we typically read on this site.

send copies of all of the emails to everyone the slut knew with the comment - I'M GLAD THE CHEATING WHORE IS DEAD!"

What a completely hateful little "man" you are. Your stories and comments are like a creeping cancer.

The facts are the facts, you can't have your cake and eat it too! So, forming a "love" attachment even through the internet is in fact cheating! Discussing your marriage relationship with others is in fact a betrayal, unless it is approved by your spouse! As this story appears to be written by a woman, she has her husband come to terms with his wife's affair. Women more than men have a need to be thought of as "good people". For that to happen, the husband has to be okay with what he has discovered about his wife. Sadly, the facts are still the facts. Cheaters, betrayers, are not "good people" They are in fact bad people. Instead of working on the most important relationship in her life, she choose to go elsewhere for that intimacy. Perhaps she chose another woman, so as to not as directly reject her husband. In any case, she died a bad person, be betraying wife, and a cheat! For those that cannot deal with the truth, those who want to ignore the facts, you are destined to suffer from your own irrational behavior and to drag others into it as well.

Most of the time I am solidly BTB, but this has me more inclined to agree with John, the husband.

This does not quite fall under cheating

1) She openly and repeatedly told everyone that her husband came first, that nothing would be allowed to interfere with her real life.

2) It was never physical.

but one must look at the disrespect, the false face, the violation of their vows, the lack of trust, honor and commitment she had. This is the aspect missing from this tale.

I thank you for your story. I think it is a very realistic point of view. Deborah feels like a real person. She's complicated as we all are. She is being true to her beliefs. She loves her husband, but has always had a love for women too. She made a descision to always put her "real" life and husband first. So yeah, it is realistic to me. That's not to say that what she chose to do in living a secret life from her husband is right. But as writen, she is true to her ideals.

Reading some of the other comments, I see that most are very critical and harsh to Deborah. I think everyone reacts to a given situation based on thier life expirences and how they have dealt with them. I am not saying that anyone else's comments are wrong in anyway. That is them being realistic to thier point of view.

So having said all that. I wonder what would have happened if Deborah had not died in the car accident. What if she was hospitalized for her injuries and John found out as the story reads? Because it seems to me that while he expirenced a range of emotions, he had never gone threw the rage of betrayal and need to lash out that usually generates. If Deborah had survived, what would he have done? I'm not asking this of other readers, but of the author, as she knows these characters better than anyone.

Thank you for your works

This is a sad and thought-provoking story. I read it yesterday and had to think about it before I wrote a comment. I think this wife is cheating on her husband. She loves another person (man or woman makes no difference). Isn't there something in the wedding vows about "forsaking all others"? It doesn't say that you can't have sex with them but you can love others. I don't mean love others as ourselves, but the "I love You" emotional kind of love. That should be reserved for the husband only. This woman was cheating on her husband. Her disrespect and disloyalty (is that a word?) was still there even though she said she put her real husband first, but I don't think she did. She wanted the best of both worlds and we all know how that works out. I feel real sorry for this guy, with her being dead, he'll never know.

Thanks for an enjoyable story.

I too had to think about this. Love is such a powerful word yet probably the most misused in our language. We can read poetry, listen to music and look at art, all of these can stir up feelings making us say we love this poem or that piece of music. But we don't love the poet, the composer or the artist, do we?. We love what they do, Deborah is afraid of telling her husband she feels sexually attracted to some women but she is happy to talk to some one she does not know, make no mistake here all she was looking at were words on a screen it' s not a face to face conversation. To express love of that faceless person is ridiculous. Many people engage in flirtatious conversations via the internet, but love of some one via the internet not having met them tells me Deborah has a psychological problem. In my humble opinion where a couple (no children in the house) feel they need to have private passwords there is a fundamental problem in that relationship as of course this story shows.

As always a well written story by patricia51 but poor old Deborah was "away with the fairies", it's a funny old world.

phones his wife's lover to let her know that his wife is dead only in some dumbass chick lesbian story do you call it loving.

if you dont understand the concept of wife/mate dont write about it pat, any way not like a dyke can love a man.

You write well; always so well constructed with the reality of the feelings uppermost. So much of secret computer users' lives are there waiting to be unveiled when the defences are down for whatever reason.

On an 18 wheeler if a brake hose fails it activates the brakes, it is loss of air pressure that makes them work.

Using the air horn too long will cause braking.

Trains are the same.

I know this writer has not written lately, but this may help other writers.

Please don't let the troglodytes get you down. I hope you can see that they only have 2 or so buckets into which they must jam all of their experience, so they see nuance and complexity as evil because it whispers to them that their understanding of reality is hopelessly inadequate, that their two buckets don't begin to contain all of reality.

I found the story heart felt, the writing marvelous, and the ending just perfect (although I would have enjoyed hearing the conversation and after events, it wasn't needed).

John finds his wife living a secret sexual life.

But he also finds his wife put their relationship at the top. It is indicated that her "cheating" have improved their love life.

I wish my spouse had a secret female lover.

excellent writing.

I dont like the thought of a spouse loving another, but darn you write it so well.

She did hurt her husband, intentional or not, with her emotional affair. She was cheating.

His pain of losing her overrode that however.

Yes, excellent story telling.

loved it. The concept of the story was unique. The story was very nice to read, with obvious self recrimination, and self analysis. I couldn't stop reading it, not that it was that long, I just wanted to know.

My wife passed away over a year ago, and knew a lot of her friends online, at least when I helped her with some of the games she played. It turned out that I had to let them know about her passing, and in doing so, ended up getting some correspondence from them. It was one of those friends, that finally helped me get over the loss, and get my head together. Was there any lesbian thoughts going on, I don't think so, but I never checked, it was time long gone. Nice story, and does have value to the reader, and society.

haunted.

Congratulations on a thought provoking story, very well written. I never got the impression you were preaching to us or trying to change our minds or tell us what is the "correct" way to feel about monogamy and homosexuality. What I read was a very balanced story, not necessarily about homosexuality or homophobia, but simply about a long-distance emotional affair never realized face-to-face. Very interesting, I'm still thinking about what I might have done under the same circumstances.

An emotional affair, long distance, they never met in real life; Did she betray her husband?

First off, we should admit the true answer lies with her husband. He's the aggrieved party, the spouse, it's up to him to decide if he feels betrayed. In this story, he isn't really given the opportunity to experience the full range of emotions normally available due to his wife's untimely death. If she was still alive and he had discovered her secret, what would he do? How would he feel? I don't think any of us can answer that. His wife, however, was under the impression that it WOULD hurt him, and yet she persisted, apparently depending heavily on his trust, that he wouldn't go "snooping" in her private files. Not making a judgement there, just stating facts.

We can answer for ourselves though, and in my case, I really don't think I would feel "betrayed". I would certainly be jealous, I would certainly require that she say "good-bye" and never contact her again, any of them, for that matter. I couldn't allow it to continue because of the risk of those feelings growing stronger over time, that their love might grow to a point where it rivaled the love between my wife and I, and that the urge to make the fantasy into reality could become overwhelming in the future. Also remember that his wife is just one side of the romance: what about Judith? What if Judith suddenly decided to travel to see Deborah? What if the doorbell rang and Deborah found Judith standing on the front porch? Could she resist? Would it be another one of those, "We'll be together this one time, and then never again", stories, because we all know how those turn out. Everything changes with the introduction of a physical relationship - everything. So, yeah, I would make sure she stopped all communications with that world.

Would I feel betrayed though? I'm only referring to what he found on the computer, the chats and emails, NOT what "might" have happened in the future. I don't think so, I don't think I would consider it a betrayal, yet it bothers me to say that and I'm not sure why. She was "in" that world before we got together and she chose me, leaving the other behind. When she started noticing women again and, I'm sure, thinking about things she'd done in the past, she also started writing stories to help alleviate at least some of the pressure - although I'm not sure how writing lesbian-themed erotic stories would help in that sense. She still had erotic chats with lesbians, but was up front about never doing it with anyone in real life. It bothers me more than a little though, that she started out writing stories, then having chats with other authors, then having chats and sending email to other lesbians, and then building, over time, a very special relationship with one lesbian in particular, finally admitting that she loved her. That shows a marked progression with dangerous consequences ahead, IF she kept progressing on from there.

So, for now anyway, I can say I would NOT feel as if she betrayed me. I would insist on the cessation of all communication (which Judith said she (they) were expecting anyway), and I would want us to work with a counselor or shrink to find out why she started having those thoughts again and exactly how important they would be in regards to her quality of life going forwards. I would also be hurt that she kept it from me for so long, why didn't she tell me she was writing stories and having these issues? Was she afraid of how I would respond or was she secretly enjoying having those feelings again and wanted to run with it for a while? It seems to indicate that maybe she didn't believe she would be fairly treated or listened to, or perhaps she was ashamed (she mentioned always planning to stay in the closet) for having those feelings again, or was she just scared of my reaction? I don't know, but it would make me sad to discover these things, especially after her death, knowing that it was a conscience decision on her part to keep them secret.

I wonder how the telephone call to Judith went? Would it be possible for John and Judith to "bond" in some way because of her death? Or would they both regret the feelings Deborah had for the other? Too bad the author didn't continue the story.

Good story, very thought provoking. 5 stars.

I loved your story. It certainly brought tears to my eyes reading where she always professed her love for you first and foremost. Maybe because mine was different. From 1999 to 2010 the year she died she wouldn´t let me touch her. She complained it was her hepatitis that made sexual intercourse too painful. ( found out two weeks ago that the hepatitis she had, if left untreated would have killed her within the year) My late wife had gotten it from a blood transfusion thirty two years before. Boxing her stuff away for my daughters to go through later, I started finding notes she kept from other men I then found out she didn´t love me and the only reason she stayed was because of the lifestyle I gave her that her lovers couldn´t. The most damning was her day planner where I found that early 2010 she was still carrying an affair with a man we both considered a friend. I can´t forgive all those years she cheated me of a life together.

She may not of had sex with Judith but she did carry on emotional cheating with Judith behind her husband's back. So she did cheat!

2* since you wrote a good story of an unfaithful wife who cheated in her own mind and hid her secret life from her husband and family. It wasn't a matter of her loving her husband more, but of just loving him enough not to want to hurt him.

No one was hurt in any way by her friends/contacts .... she made it clear up front that she was happily married and would never meet with anyone.

She had an emotional need and her ' hobby ' helped fulfill it.

She was cheating, but it was oh so gentle. Not admitting her needs to her husband was her biggest fault, but then she didnt want to risk hurting him in any way.

A husband would never write this story. I wonder what Patricia would do with a story of the wife reading the same thing about her husband.

To me this is nothing more than a woman’s fantasy of “Eat your cake and have it too”. D

She could not have been more clear about her intentions. Great story of love. I bet John wishes she could have explored this as he loved her as she loved him. Would have loved to hear conversation, but that was right place to end it. Well done.

Nice story but feels unfinished. Another chapter about John and Judith’s conversation / reaction would finish it off nicely....

After the sixth paragraph. 18 wheelers operate with air brakes! If the brake (air) line breaks, the brakes engage and the truck comes to a stop. You sometimes see the result of this on highways where there are skid marks from dual tires in a driving lane that go onto the road shoulder and then stop. If you can't get something that simple right, how do you expect me to believe the rest of the story.

But why would a mentally normal person want to call a worthless cunt like that?