I'm not sure I understand what I just read. Maybe it's me.
by
Anonymous11/18/05
What?
What is this mess? She tells the black dude on the phone he really knows how to use his cock and he tastes really good. And she can explain that when her chained husband asks...except she doesn't. There’s something about the black guy’s a stripper and she watched him fuck some girls so she’d know he was big…maybe how good he could “use it,” but “taste?” There’s only one way she’d know about that. Hubby is nice to her all the time and that means she resorts to extreme bdsm to make him a love slave? Sorry, writer. I know this is fantasy but you've got to make it a LITTLE bit believable.
The story had the makings of something. But it felt like about 75% of the REAL story has yet to be written. I know some writers leave some questions unanswered to titilate the reader, but the unanswered questions in this story are totally essential to the plot:
Where did the letters come from?
Who sent them?
Why were they sent?
Why did the wife talk to the black guy about the sex they had on the phone if they never had sex?
Who was the chick who suggested to the wife to turn the husband into a sexual submissive?
Why did the wife agree to do it immediately? After all, an unbiased observer might consider it to be a big first step - tying up the husband and beating him into submission
Why did the black guy agree to help turn her husband into a submissive? It's a pretty big favor to do in return for just giving him a ride.
Perhaps an editor might have noticed the gapping holes in the narrative.
Other than that, good job.
by
Anonymous11/18/05
keep your day job
your story suck.
by
11/18/05
I guess the bullet covered it pretty good.
This is the outline for what could be a good story. The mistress/slave stuff is a little over the top! No way would he be telling her he loved her a few minutes after being chained up. Maybe, just maybe she could have talked to him!
The suggestion for an editor is a good one - check into the volunteer editor program... and listen to them.
by
Anonymous11/18/05
you need an editor.
you have a large output of stories, but they are often short, incomplete, and have plot holes. you need someone to point these out for you. slow down your output, and rewrite.
probably the silliest scenario I ever saw in this genre of story.
by
Anonymous11/18/05
Just stupid
I have started looking for your name on stories.....not any more, this is utter SHIT. Any man that was put thru this by a psycho bitch would kick her into the next county. You don't torture people to get them to love you, how fucking twisted. What would the nutty bitch do the next time she got a crazy idea? Personally, I'd kill the whore and her friend. Go back to your day job, grey buzzard!
Interesting story but not loving wife story. Maybe BDSM but not love I see lying punishment but where is the love... She was probbility cheating with Dave also
by
Anonymous11/18/05
a swing and a miss
Quick!!! Somebody find Grey Eagle and tell him that some worthless imposter is posting utter tripe under his pen name.
BDSM is not erotic and this story is inappropriately classified.
by
Anonymous11/18/05
I usually like your stories but sorry
this one didn't do it for me. It's to far fetched. No real man would stay with her after that bullshit! Sorry big guy this one sucked
by
Anonymous11/18/05
Any Man, black or white, Who Believes
what this woman, or any one like her/in her shoes, said is either very horney at the moment and will fuck any animal, very, very dumb, or masochistically veyouristic!
+++++++++++
quote:
Tears ran from her eyes, She pulled me down and we kissed, "You can call me what ever you like, just keep calling me."
"I will if you are sure you don't want a big cock like Dave's."
"Sweet man, I got a really good look at Dave's equipment, The only difference between his and yours is that his is black and a little smaller than yours. You could give him lessons on how to use it."
end of quote
++++++++++++
If YOUR woman fucks around --- err, let's just says "looks around" --- and tells you THAT story, you gonna nod and smile a big smile like this wimpy cockhold white brother here? LOL
HE: "She's tellin' me I have bigger equipments than those Black fuckers she's been looking at/fucking,,, God, ain't I lucky she has come to her senses!"
SHE: "The dumb, wimpy dolts; I'll just force out some tears, on demand, say a few nice things about him. Being so stupid, he won't even care whether I'm telling him the truth or not, which doesn't matter to him any way,,,"
Grey Eagle, this story had lots and lots of potential. I think frankly that you rushed to finish it and didn't explore everything you could have done with it.
Perhaps a rewrite (with an editor as suggested) and a repost would be in order? Think about it.
Thank you for making the effort however, that is always appreciated.
Good so far! So who's been sending her the notes? Who's fucking with their marrage? If I were him i would be really PISSED off.....Finish this so you can call it a story!!!
by
Anonymous11/19/05
Huh!
Maybe there is a good part two story that will explain things. Who plant the notes and other stuff? Why? So his wife drugs him and ties him up to beat him into submission. He not only resists but he breaks loose. He does not kick their ass. Does she know him at all? I guess he know that she is a fool that she thinks she can brainwash him.
Please explain this part of her phone conversation [Then I heard her say, "That is so sweet of you to say that. I loved it too Dave! Your cock is so big and you know how to use it! Yeah, I know! You taste good too.] Nothing in her statements how she met Dave explains "you taste good too."
A lot of potential here but I am confused!
Thanks for writing.
SleeplessinMD
by
Anonymous11/19/05
Bullshit
I have enjoyed your other stories. This one is bullshit. If I had read this one first, I would not have read any more of your stories. I hope you got this crap out of your system.
by
Anonymous11/19/05
Awful
I have to say this is one of the worst stories that I read on this site. I guess everyone is entitled to a bad "game" now and then as your other stories are great. If I were you, I would delete this story.
by
Anonymous11/19/05
How much?
I like your stories. This one though, has a few problems. That he could escape the chains is a possibility. That he could accept her fellow torturer was not her lover is a possibility. That he could accept her after she abused him in such an unloving manner is not a possibility. Her explanation of the afternoon phone call didn't explain anything. If she were gettting notes and panties, why would it not have changed her attitude around the house? Why would she not have done some enquiries? If I were he, she would have a lot of explaining to do before I would allow her in the same house nor the same room with me. After all, the marriage is over. She killed it with her lack of consideration and concern for him. A love slave? I like his description much better than hers.
Perhaps you intended to rescue this story with a part two?
Would it include a better descriptiom of why she thought this was a method to use to save her marriage? Or would it reveal how she and her lover had set this up to eliminate her husband? And would it be fun to explain how he had then foiled her ambitions through his deceptive strength and rectitude?
I am happy you share these stories with us amd this is the first not to receive the high marks from me. And it does so, not because of your style or story telling ability, but rather because of the problems left in the story for the reader. It is as if someone else wrote it under your name. Thank you for the effort. Please don't let my rant dissuade you from adding others as they are almost always topnotch.
by
Anonymous11/19/05
How does she know how he tastes?
Granted you solved some of his questions but in her conversation she mentioned tasting him how is that possible if she never sucked him off
by
Anonymous11/19/05
completely nonsensical
"You taste good too"? How is that explained? It isn't. This badly needs either a sequel or a rewrite.
It's aaaalmost good, but a few things don't add up that make it quite bad. So I think a rewrite is in order.
by
Anonymous11/19/05
More crap
Yet more crap, I won't bother with this 'author' again.
by
Anonymous11/20/05
Do yourself a favor...
It's time for a reality check, dude. Next time you write a story, file it away for at least a week. Then rewrite it. Then file it away for another week. Just before you think about submitting it, have a friend look at it. If they bust out laughing, sit on it another week, then rewrite it.
A story is like a good cheese. It needs to mature. But sometimes, even after it matures, it still stinks. That's were we are with you right now.
by
Anonymous11/20/05
unfinished
how come you didn't tell where she was getting the notes from?
by
Anonymous11/21/05
extremes?
It's not often that one writer can write two stories that are at opposite ends of the spectrum. I read E and E and thought, "Wow, what a great story. Let me find an other story this writer has written" I was shocked to read this story which is one of the stupidest, dumbest stories I've read .How can an excellant writer like you go from so good to so bad? 60 year old George
You are fixed on the supeior black seed, huge cock, cuckold shit. get off it. write a big white stud, knocking up a hot black woman, like i did. got 3 kids, boy and 2 girls. my sexy black wife has never looked back. 4 times a week. she is still rap video material. but she loves my white cock. and she loves me more than anything. you white boys that fantasize or participate and let your wife cuckold you, just cut your nuts off,,,don't make any kids.
by
Anonymous11/22/05
Good start, pathetic ending
The husband breaks loose, thinking that the boyfriend and wife are going to kill him. ... Then they have this little chat? No way. The husband would at least call the cops and leave. He certainly wouldn't believe the wife after what she did to him.
by
Anonymous11/23/05
Garbage
I have two questions. 1) How does she know what he tastes like and 2) how does she know that her husband could teach dave how to use his cock. The only way that she could know that dave wasn't as good in bed as her husband, was because she fucked him.
by
Anonymous01/05/06
Two Words
PURE GARBAGE
by
Anonymous04/17/06
Move On
To all those negative coments. Up yours and get a life if you dont like the story then move on nobody is forcing you to read them - its fiction you egg heads
Yet another dishonest maneuver for greater readership. This is a BDSM story, which under that label would have gotten much less attention. In addition the usual infantile/prepubescent themes of penis size and taste of semen are there for your entertainment - if that’s what turns you on.
place the barrel in your mouth
Pull the god dam fucking trigger you asshole
by
Anonymous06/09/06
Makes its own gravy
"Are you sure, man. I out weigh you by fifty or eighty pounds but I'm scared of you."
This is probably the most idiotic piece of dialog I have EVER read in a piece of fiction. Think about how many other gems it had to beat out, just on this site, to get that distinction. Are you trying to be bad?
by
Anonymous07/13/06
finally something different,
Sure glad to see someone write something different for once. Good Job!
by
Anonymous10/29/06
What A Wimp
If I were Mike. I would have slit both their throats and enjoyed my time in prison with out the bitch.
by
Anonymous02/25/07
stupid
I have read crap on this site, but this one takes the cake, pure stupidity.
I usually like your stuff, Grey Eagle. I'm trying to read your stories in chronological order and you seem to be getting better as you go. Unfortunately, the plot for this story just leaves too much unexplained. This could be a great set-up for more storyline, but on it's own it is unsatisfying. Who sent the notes? Why? Why was it so easy for Doris to convince Kelli to beat her husband into being a submissive love slave? And just who the hell IS Doris? Why did Kelli never explain why she knew Dave's dick tasted good or how she knew her hubby Mike could give Dave lessons in how to use his equipment? Is Mike stupid enough to believe that Dave felt so obligated for accepting a ride from someone he'd just met that he would agree to help her drug and assault her husband in an attempt to coerce him into a life of sexual servitude? Holy cow, Batman! Only chapter 2 or a big rewrite can save us now!
by
Anonymous04/18/07
Huh?
The explanation for her conversation simply does not make sense. She specifically says that his cock tastes good, assuming that she was not trying for her husband to overhear, which she was not based on your story, how does she know that? Her other comments can be covered by what she saw, but one cannot see taste. You did not even try to explain that.
There are lots of other issues with this story, which could have been pretty good, but the real issue is you did not try.
by
Anonymous04/18/07
Well he fell for it hook line and sinker!
The woman is a slut. He busted their plan and plan B came into play. Say if I was that stupid I would have been dead long ago. She whipped his back, whipped it. No love there, she was being herself and it hurt. The guy hit him, hard, no play there. The phone conversation he was not supposed to hear so her saying the guys cock tasted good wasnt part of a ploy. He was played by a cock hungry adultereous slut and her black lover. Trash is trash, always throw out the trash. Dont try to twist your stories once something in it is said you cant erase it or twist it around.
Is there more ?Will Mike go after Dave and find out if he is the guy thats trying to push them apart?
Pat
by
Anonymous05/01/07
WTF?
This is a bait and switch and not a very good one either.
What woman tries to make her husband a submissive because she loves him? You don't make somone a slave if you love or respect them. If your spouse is cheating on you, confront them and either divorce or make it work...but BDSM? Why the fuck would she stay married to him if she can't respect him. BAH!!! dumb fucking story.
the wife never expained what she meant when she told dave over the phone that she liked his cock and he tasted good. i believe she sucked his dick at the party when she met him.
by
Anonymous01/02/08
"it suck's"
WILL YOU EVER LEARN? SHITHEAD.
by
Anonymous01/11/08
fucking worthless
it sucks, you suck, go pound your pud and GIVE UP WRITING SHIT
by
Anonymous04/17/08
There is a law about unlawful detainment
and when injury is ocurred by the detained it becomes a federal law. The police shoule have been called and the wife and Dave arrested. I don't thinl the husband would have any problem getting a divorce. And if his wife is convicted then she wouldn't get jack shit. That's how the story should have gone...marriedwithballs@yahoo.com
English
No Resolution
Nothing was resolved about the letters she was getting. Very unsatisfying.
Good story but..
What's with the "You taste good, too" bit??
I sure don't understand her telling Dave that one.
unpleasant and hard to read.....
full of distressing BDSM stereotypes and a real downer of a story, with not a ray of light in it anywhere.
Um
I'm not sure I understand what I just read. Maybe it's me.
What?
What is this mess? She tells the black dude on the phone he really knows how to use his cock and he tastes really good. And she can explain that when her chained husband asks...except she doesn't. There’s something about the black guy’s a stripper and she watched him fuck some girls so she’d know he was big…maybe how good he could “use it,” but “taste?” There’s only one way she’d know about that. Hubby is nice to her all the time and that means she resorts to extreme bdsm to make him a love slave? Sorry, writer. I know this is fantasy but you've got to make it a LITTLE bit believable.
Huh??? Serious Need of an Editor
The story had the makings of something. But it felt like about 75% of the REAL story has yet to be written. I know some writers leave some questions unanswered to titilate the reader, but the unanswered questions in this story are totally essential to the plot:
Where did the letters come from?
Who sent them?
Why were they sent?
Why did the wife talk to the black guy about the sex they had on the phone if they never had sex?
Who was the chick who suggested to the wife to turn the husband into a sexual submissive?
Why did the wife agree to do it immediately? After all, an unbiased observer might consider it to be a big first step - tying up the husband and beating him into submission
Why did the black guy agree to help turn her husband into a submissive? It's a pretty big favor to do in return for just giving him a ride.
Perhaps an editor might have noticed the gapping holes in the narrative.
Other than that, good job.
keep your day job
your story suck.
I guess the bullet covered it pretty good.
This is the outline for what could be a good story. The mistress/slave stuff is a little over the top! No way would he be telling her he loved her a few minutes after being chained up. Maybe, just maybe she could have talked to him!
The suggestion for an editor is a good one - check into the volunteer editor program... and listen to them.
you need an editor.
you have a large output of stories, but they are often short, incomplete, and have plot holes. you need someone to point these out for you. slow down your output, and rewrite.
sigh..
The only surprise is it got posted.
This needed some thought before writing
probably the silliest scenario I ever saw in this genre of story.
Just stupid
I have started looking for your name on stories.....not any more, this is utter SHIT. Any man that was put thru this by a psycho bitch would kick her into the next county. You don't torture people to get them to love you, how fucking twisted. What would the nutty bitch do the next time she got a crazy idea? Personally, I'd kill the whore and her friend. Go back to your day job, grey buzzard!
interesting
Interesting story but not loving wife story. Maybe BDSM but not love I see lying punishment but where is the love... She was probbility cheating with Dave also
a swing and a miss
Quick!!! Somebody find Grey Eagle and tell him that some worthless imposter is posting utter tripe under his pen name.
-- KVK
Disgusting!
BDSM is not erotic and this story is inappropriately classified.
I usually like your stories but sorry
this one didn't do it for me. It's to far fetched. No real man would stay with her after that bullshit! Sorry big guy this one sucked
Any Man, black or white, Who Believes
what this woman, or any one like her/in her shoes, said is either very horney at the moment and will fuck any animal, very, very dumb, or masochistically veyouristic!
+++++++++++
quote:
Tears ran from her eyes, She pulled me down and we kissed, "You can call me what ever you like, just keep calling me."
"I will if you are sure you don't want a big cock like Dave's."
"Sweet man, I got a really good look at Dave's equipment, The only difference between his and yours is that his is black and a little smaller than yours. You could give him lessons on how to use it."
end of quote
++++++++++++
If YOUR woman fucks around --- err, let's just says "looks around" --- and tells you THAT story, you gonna nod and smile a big smile like this wimpy cockhold white brother here? LOL
HE: "She's tellin' me I have bigger equipments than those Black fuckers she's been looking at/fucking,,, God, ain't I lucky she has come to her senses!"
SHE: "The dumb, wimpy dolts; I'll just force out some tears, on demand, say a few nice things about him. Being so stupid, he won't even care whether I'm telling him the truth or not, which doesn't matter to him any way,,,"
I agree with most comments.
Grey Eagle, this story had lots and lots of potential. I think frankly that you rushed to finish it and didn't explore everything you could have done with it.
Perhaps a rewrite (with an editor as suggested) and a repost would be in order? Think about it.
Thank you for making the effort however, that is always appreciated.
Charleybear
Hmm!!
Good so far! So who's been sending her the notes? Who's fucking with their marrage? If I were him i would be really PISSED off.....Finish this so you can call it a story!!!
Huh!
Maybe there is a good part two story that will explain things. Who plant the notes and other stuff? Why? So his wife drugs him and ties him up to beat him into submission. He not only resists but he breaks loose. He does not kick their ass. Does she know him at all? I guess he know that she is a fool that she thinks she can brainwash him.
Please explain this part of her phone conversation [Then I heard her say, "That is so sweet of you to say that. I loved it too Dave! Your cock is so big and you know how to use it! Yeah, I know! You taste good too.] Nothing in her statements how she met Dave explains "you taste good too."
A lot of potential here but I am confused!
Thanks for writing.
SleeplessinMD
Bullshit
I have enjoyed your other stories. This one is bullshit. If I had read this one first, I would not have read any more of your stories. I hope you got this crap out of your system.
Awful
I have to say this is one of the worst stories that I read on this site. I guess everyone is entitled to a bad "game" now and then as your other stories are great. If I were you, I would delete this story.
How much?
I like your stories. This one though, has a few problems. That he could escape the chains is a possibility. That he could accept her fellow torturer was not her lover is a possibility. That he could accept her after she abused him in such an unloving manner is not a possibility. Her explanation of the afternoon phone call didn't explain anything. If she were gettting notes and panties, why would it not have changed her attitude around the house? Why would she not have done some enquiries? If I were he, she would have a lot of explaining to do before I would allow her in the same house nor the same room with me. After all, the marriage is over. She killed it with her lack of consideration and concern for him. A love slave? I like his description much better than hers.
Perhaps you intended to rescue this story with a part two?
Would it include a better descriptiom of why she thought this was a method to use to save her marriage? Or would it reveal how she and her lover had set this up to eliminate her husband? And would it be fun to explain how he had then foiled her ambitions through his deceptive strength and rectitude?
I am happy you share these stories with us amd this is the first not to receive the high marks from me. And it does so, not because of your style or story telling ability, but rather because of the problems left in the story for the reader. It is as if someone else wrote it under your name. Thank you for the effort. Please don't let my rant dissuade you from adding others as they are almost always topnotch.
How does she know how he tastes?
Granted you solved some of his questions but in her conversation she mentioned tasting him how is that possible if she never sucked him off
completely nonsensical
"You taste good too"? How is that explained? It isn't. This badly needs either a sequel or a rewrite.
It's aaaalmost good, but a few things don't add up that make it quite bad. So I think a rewrite is in order.
More crap
Yet more crap, I won't bother with this 'author' again.
Do yourself a favor...
It's time for a reality check, dude. Next time you write a story, file it away for at least a week. Then rewrite it. Then file it away for another week. Just before you think about submitting it, have a friend look at it. If they bust out laughing, sit on it another week, then rewrite it.
A story is like a good cheese. It needs to mature. But sometimes, even after it matures, it still stinks. That's were we are with you right now.
unfinished
how come you didn't tell where she was getting the notes from?
extremes?
It's not often that one writer can write two stories that are at opposite ends of the spectrum. I read E and E and thought, "Wow, what a great story. Let me find an other story this writer has written" I was shocked to read this story which is one of the stupidest, dumbest stories I've read .How can an excellant writer like you go from so good to so bad? 60 year old George
GREY EAGLE?..MORE LIKE GREY TURKEY
You are fixed on the supeior black seed, huge cock, cuckold shit. get off it. write a big white stud, knocking up a hot black woman, like i did. got 3 kids, boy and 2 girls. my sexy black wife has never looked back. 4 times a week. she is still rap video material. but she loves my white cock. and she loves me more than anything. you white boys that fantasize or participate and let your wife cuckold you, just cut your nuts off,,,don't make any kids.
Good start, pathetic ending
The husband breaks loose, thinking that the boyfriend and wife are going to kill him. ... Then they have this little chat? No way. The husband would at least call the cops and leave. He certainly wouldn't believe the wife after what she did to him.
Garbage
I have two questions. 1) How does she know what he tastes like and 2) how does she know that her husband could teach dave how to use his cock. The only way that she could know that dave wasn't as good in bed as her husband, was because she fucked him.
Two Words
PURE GARBAGE
Move On
To all those negative coments. Up yours and get a life if you dont like the story then move on nobody is forcing you to read them - its fiction you egg heads
Forsaking all honesty: No Loving Wives story
Yet another dishonest maneuver for greater readership. This is a BDSM story, which under that label would have gotten much less attention. In addition the usual infantile/prepubescent themes of penis size and taste of semen are there for your entertainment - if that’s what turns you on.
A new wretched bad pile of CRAP
Please author we are begging you...
take a handgun...load it with bullets
place the barrel in your mouth
Pull the god dam fucking trigger you asshole
Makes its own gravy
"Are you sure, man. I out weigh you by fifty or eighty pounds but I'm scared of you."
This is probably the most idiotic piece of dialog I have EVER read in a piece of fiction. Think about how many other gems it had to beat out, just on this site, to get that distinction. Are you trying to be bad?
finally something different,
Sure glad to see someone write something different for once. Good Job!
What A Wimp
If I were Mike. I would have slit both their throats and enjoyed my time in prison with out the bitch.
stupid
I have read crap on this site, but this one takes the cake, pure stupidity.
All hat, no cattle.
I usually like your stuff, Grey Eagle. I'm trying to read your stories in chronological order and you seem to be getting better as you go. Unfortunately, the plot for this story just leaves too much unexplained. This could be a great set-up for more storyline, but on it's own it is unsatisfying. Who sent the notes? Why? Why was it so easy for Doris to convince Kelli to beat her husband into being a submissive love slave? And just who the hell IS Doris? Why did Kelli never explain why she knew Dave's dick tasted good or how she knew her hubby Mike could give Dave lessons in how to use his equipment? Is Mike stupid enough to believe that Dave felt so obligated for accepting a ride from someone he'd just met that he would agree to help her drug and assault her husband in an attempt to coerce him into a life of sexual servitude? Holy cow, Batman! Only chapter 2 or a big rewrite can save us now!
Huh?
The explanation for her conversation simply does not make sense. She specifically says that his cock tastes good, assuming that she was not trying for her husband to overhear, which she was not based on your story, how does she know that? Her other comments can be covered by what she saw, but one cannot see taste. You did not even try to explain that.
There are lots of other issues with this story, which could have been pretty good, but the real issue is you did not try.
Well he fell for it hook line and sinker!
The woman is a slut. He busted their plan and plan B came into play. Say if I was that stupid I would have been dead long ago. She whipped his back, whipped it. No love there, she was being herself and it hurt. The guy hit him, hard, no play there. The phone conversation he was not supposed to hear so her saying the guys cock tasted good wasnt part of a ploy. He was played by a cock hungry adultereous slut and her black lover. Trash is trash, always throw out the trash. Dont try to twist your stories once something in it is said you cant erase it or twist it around.
keep it coming
Is there more ?Will Mike go after Dave and find out if he is the guy thats trying to push them apart?
Pat
WTF?
This is a bait and switch and not a very good one either.
What woman tries to make her husband a submissive because she loves him? You don't make somone a slave if you love or respect them. If your spouse is cheating on you, confront them and either divorce or make it work...but BDSM? Why the fuck would she stay married to him if she can't respect him. BAH!!! dumb fucking story.
dumbest story of all time
stop take a break.
bullshit
the wife never expained what she meant when she told dave over the phone that she liked his cock and he tasted good. i believe she sucked his dick at the party when she met him.
"it suck's"
WILL YOU EVER LEARN? SHITHEAD.
fucking worthless
it sucks, you suck, go pound your pud and GIVE UP WRITING SHIT
There is a law about unlawful detainment
and when injury is ocurred by the detained it becomes a federal law. The police shoule have been called and the wife and Dave arrested. I don't thinl the husband would have any problem getting a divorce. And if his wife is convicted then she wouldn't get jack shit. That's how the story should have gone...marriedwithballs@yahoo.com
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