Hitchhiker's Guide to Women

An insider's opinion is always useful.

I cannot completely understand women, but I don't need to understand everything about my "Cool New Toy" as long as I can follow the instruction manual to make it work the way I want it to.

As a side note, I actually did write an essay on what men are like. Please read it and tell me what you think of it.

Right On Target

I just wanted to say that those were great observations. Most especially those about men being too nice. I do not want an asshole, but I don't want a doormat either. Another thing guys might want to think about. The words "I'm sorry" do not fix anything. They make things worse if you don't mean them, and when you use them too much women are bound to think that you don't care at all and that you are really sorry that you got caught/have to deal with our anger hurt or frustration and that you aren't at all sorry that we are hurting. I know a lot of men think that with women it's all about what you say. What you say is important, but if what you do contradicts what you say... well, the conclusion that most women will draw is LIAR!

Right On Target

I just wanted to say that those were great observations. Most especially those about men being too nice. I do not want an asshole, but I don't want a doormat either. Another thing guys might want to think about. The words "I'm sorry" do not fix anything. They make things worse if you don't mean them, and when you use them too much women are bound to think that you don't care at all and that you are really sorry that you got caught/have to deal with our anger hurt or frustration and that you aren't at all sorry that we are hurting. I know a lot of men think that with women it's all about what you say. What you say is important, but if what you do contradicts what you say... well, the conclusion that most women will draw is LIAR!

True

I found out at an early age that no mtter how much I know about women, that I'll never know enough. I'm sure that women feel the same way. It's nice to know what women think and what they want. I just know that if you treat a woman like the she should be treated, that you don't have anything to worry about. Thanks for this. Keep up the good work.

Mandatory Reading

Every young man should have to read this. There are astute observations presented in a way that even a guy could understand. From 16 to 60 the rules are the same and the sooner we learn the happier everyone will be.

Wow.

Cmoning from a completely clueless git who had very poor relationship skills and expierence I quite like this piece a lot.
The Most important message I heard by far from this was to assert yourself sometimes.
Something I've done wrong a few times in friendships with girls.
Thanks a lot for the guide. I agree with what other revieweres have send this is mandatory readoing for a lot of young men/adolescent boys though some catch on and just click easier I'm one of the many who are CLUELESS!
Thank you!

Right on as always!

Remebering birthdays is a big one for me. My husband forgot the first birthday that I had after we got married, nine days after the wedding. What made it worse was that he remembered his brother's birthday, which is the day after mine! Never tell your new wife, on her birthday, that you have to get a birthday present for your brother...grrrr! With gifts, its always the personalized touch that counts. Rather than the usual flowers and things, get somethings that you know I will like. For example, for my birthday this year, my husband bought me the DVD of my favorite musical and then watched it with me. It meant so much more because he hates musicals. Also, men, never forget...a woman will never forget when you screwed up and will most likely never let you forget it either!! Great job, angel!
-Sage

Thank you, Angel

Well done. I appreciate your writing style, humor, and candor. Now if we can only implement...

I hope that you come out with appendix A

very soon. These tips and rules became invalid the moment another woman saw them. She has already changed them into something else. I believe this is the great mystery of women. What works for one woman does not work for another. Each one comes with a completely different set of rules and ideas. Trying to use the same set of tips and rules on each woman is like trying to use those "universal" remotes on your electronic items. They just don't work as well as the one designed for that item.
You wanted a "Tips to understand Men" list. Quoting from Jeff Foxworthy, here it is: We want to eat, we want to sleep and we want to see a woman nekkid. That is about it.

That was a great help

As near as I could figure your advice seem to consist of don't ever (or always) do that, unless you should (or shouldn't).

It also seemed to place the entire onus of making the relationship work on the guy, as if the woman can just sit back and enjoy. Or get pissed at him for not being perfect.

Shrugs. If you want perfection, you'll always be disappointed.

What a Crock!

This is for all you men reading this; if you think for a moment that this is the script for women;forget it. First of all be a man! What most people want is communication.

So for the women your guide is encourage the communication.
no man likes to but, he will if you don't play games; if you expect his feed back tell him so,"DO NOT BE SILENT" and wonder if he is checking out the other woman. He is;cause now he is wondering if she communicates.

It is the little things

that make life sweet. I don't care about jewelry or flowers, etc. The most wonderful thing for me is when my man emails me every morning at work. We live far apart and that little "good morning" means so much to me. It doesn't matter what he writes about, it's usually short, about his work day or the weather, etc. On the weekends he calls me. Sometimes I write him first or call him first.

But it's just the fact that he was thinking of me and I of him to start our day. He always makes me feel that I'm the light of his life whether it's email, on the phone, or when we are together, just by doing little things. Words of affection, holding hands, warm smiles all do wonders. Well, the deep, wild loving is quite wonderful, too! ;-)

I am very lucky that he does like to communicate and is always upfront with me, be it an agreement or disagreement. Also the fact that he listens to me without blowing me off or making me feel that what I think or feel is of no consequence. I value his integrity and honesty.

I think the thing about women being uspet with their men is a touchy subject. I feel most women believe their men automatically know what they're upset about. But really they have no clue because most women think their men should be mind readers and the women are not bold enough to speak up. NOT! When a woman is upset she doesn't have to be mean or nasty about it. Calm down first, then approach the man with what you are feeling and why, in a rational manner. I find that opens the doors to honest communication that resolves things and doesn't cause more angst in either partner.

Good essay, goldeniangel! It would be great if a man posted a similar essay from the male's point of view.

why not work together.....

I think men and women (or men and men or women and women) need to COMMUNICATE more about everything. You didn't mention that evil word "Assume". Many relationships are broken/injured because someone "assumed" the other person knew/would do something. Never leave anything to chance. A simple "How can I make your day better?" can be the beginning of a productive conversation.

Well written, but I disagree with you.

Hey there,
I think you are right about the NICE GUYS part, but you know what, the only kind of girls who love NICE GUYS are the really bad ones.

Great!!

I thought it was great piece of work. I think the most important message for the male half, is be yourself, be considerate.

You Are Playing a Game

These how-to deal with the opposite sex essays are invariably wrong because all they do is promote game-playing. All you have accomplished is describing the sources of conflict in your current relationship. Print this out and insist that your fiance' commit them to memory. They won't work for anyone else. If he forgets to call you when he said he would, he didn't think of you and he will never change. That's the way he is. Accept it or dump him.

The "secret" to male-female realtionships is to be yourself, be considerate of the other person's feelings, and avoid lists and other game playing.

different angle

it's impossible to avoid every possible mistake. maybe i'm being hopeful here, but isn't the most important thing being able to say you're sorry and being believed? by the way i think that's the best thing a woman can do to win a guy. believe him when he says he's sorry, forgive him, and have a warm smile and a hug and kiss for him... or maybe it's just me.

it would be very interesting to know...

...what genres of erotica the various respondants to this piece enjoy. I would expect that those who thought it was "right on" would favor the more romantic -- scenarios which lead to the inevitable union of those "meant" to be together in love, while those who maintained that this article is fallacious or promotes game-playing would more likely seek out dominant/submissive, and other stories which offer thrills through the exploitation of a power dynamic (be it through cheating/deception, mind-control, having a huge penis, or what have you)

However, I know I could be WAY off in my presumtions, and would welcome being proven right or wrong. So if anyone else posts feeback on this, please consider offering a glimps into what your preferred genres are.

For myself... while I thought the author was genuiine in her intent to provide insight, much of what she advocated is of little value in actuallly guiding men's behavior. It is however, somewhat useful in understanding how some women judge a boyfriends behavior and thus justify their responses to it.

But I have to say that the longer I read this piece, the less loving, less humorous, and less attractive this woman became in my mind. Perhaps if I had read one thing about it being important for her to provide something to the guy beside the apparent priviledge of being her boyfriend then I would feel differently.

**RANT BEGINS**
Women, attractive one's especially, are so pursued by men that they are often fooled into believeing their worth as humans is much greater than their actions would otherwise justify. They mistake mens reponsiveness to their looks as genuine interest into their minds & souls. Then confusion and bitterness understandably sets in when no man seems able to provide what she wants, yet she feels justified in demanding it because if she were not worthy of such consideration & adoration, then why else would men be constantly assaulting her with offers of their love?

The sad truth is that for most men, the ideal notion of a romantic lover is basically someone who's you best best buddy AND who also turns you on and has sex with you.

All the guys who attempt to follwo guidelines such as those in this essay, are in effect, "lying" in the same manner that the author would find upsetting and unattractive. That is, they would be following a script of behavior from another person in a manipulative attempt to appease a women enough to get her to give them what they ultimately want: sex... AND a really good friend. A friend who cares not about keeping an hourly log of how well they are being taken care of and looked after, but who cares about their best buddies general happiness and wants to share hers with his.
**RANT OVER***

Now, for my disclosure - for erotic stimulation, .ie. gettin' horny, I espescially, but not exclusively enjoy the loving wives, master/slave, exhibitionist,and interracial genres.

There is insight here -

Men and women view relationships in very different ways, and this article shows many of those differences.

A quick sidetrack - after having cats for many years, we recently got a dog. It is amazing how closely the dog watches our behavior - he is ALWAYS reading us for clues to what we want, what we are doing, what direction and how fast we are running, etc. etc.

I get the same feeling from this piece. Relationships are more important to women than men, and the women in a relationship are ALWAYS monitoring it, looking for clues to its health. An action, or lack of action that a man might just brush off, or not consider to be a big deal, a women will mull, and mull, and mull.

This is NOT fiction

It isn't humourous either- this lady is not joking. These things are as important to us women as a misplaced apostrophe is to a proofreader. Your belle amie wants to know you think about her enough to remember that (for example) she doesn't like cut flowers or musky perfumes; if you have brains use them! If not get link up with someone who has enough for two, and doesn't care. (NB not calling us "ladies" in a faux Barry White voice is also good)

I agree with every

point and could give you enough for a number two...but you do write it so well Angel. And I also found it funny, so much of this is just common sense that if guys realized, they could rule the world. By the way, I think I know..."sperm burping gutter slut"! I dated her ex boyfriend for a while...lol.

Very enlighting!

A MUST reading for all men having anything to do with a woman the he thinks he cares for enough to bed. I copied this and will read it all from time to time.

Nice one!

Soooo very true. Clarified a few things as well ;D

Thanks

Hey Angel, I'm a guy and I just wanted to thank you, I realise that what you said about this being non-applicable to every situation is true, but it really has lent some much needed insight into the often very confusing minds of women. You're my guardian angel, thanks.

So right!

This essay of sorts is so right. I look at is as a sort of just guideline a loving man would want to follow. And if a guy is just doing this so he can get you into bed, it will be so obvious that he really isn't trying. It was all so good. Thanks for clarifying even just for myself.

Well and good. But....

Angel. This was yet another well written piece. But several things bother me about this.

1st and foremost: Whether you are a man or a woman; neither member of the opposite sex is going to make the other one happy IF they are not happy with his/herself to begin with.

2nd: In the situation w/your boyfriend; perhaps in HIS mind you were waiting for him since the time he LEFT practice; NOT since 10:30 that morning. I think that perhaps his not calling you that day was a way of saying,'Honey, I need some time alone or away from you.' And MAYBE he didn't call you back right away because YOU said 'FINE' in an angry way and HE felt you were so angry that it be best not to call you right back and make it worse. Besides, you've also said NOT to ask if or why a woman is mad at a man; yet for the man to find out why. If we men have no other alternative but to ask you WHY you are angry; then how are we going to find out in the first place? I'm very confused on your reasoning here.

All in all, it was a good read and I picked up on a few things. Thank you.

I learned so much

I am very thankfull to you. I have fealt lately that I cant make the woman I love to recodnize me I the way I really want. I think this has helped a huge amount in makeing I easyier professing my feelings. Wish me luck.

I think some of you are missing the point

As Goldeniangel said initially, this is NOT meant to be a formula for every relationship. She is giving examples from her own relationship because, hell, that's what she knows and can speak of with authority. And for those of you who say all she does is complain, did you miss all the bits where she was talking about the times when her boyfriend got it RIGHT?

I suppose that sort of reinforces the points she's making about inattention. The issue is not that we are keeping socre of everything a man does, or that we feel entitled to be indulged at every turn without reciprocation. Where does it say in this essay that women should treat men badly or not consider their feelings? (and for that matter, what proportion of women don't already spend far too much time considering their man's feelings, both in the sense of overanalysing and in the sense of wanting to make them happy?)

What she (and the rest of us women) is on about is very simple. When you are emotionally careless of us, IT HURTS. And it makes us feel like we are not important to you. This is possibly the thing that has broken up more relationships than any other, and the thing that, if you can once understand, might help you save your own relationship. You can bring home diamond rings and teddy bears and whatever else you feel like, and if you're not genuinely interested in my emotional needs, I will only feel like your paid companion, not your lover. And there's only so much of that I can take.

If you think Goldeniangel doesn't get it, then do what she suggests and write a guide to men. If I could find one that was as clearthinking and helpful as this, I'd be glad.

spoilt

Yeah you're definitely spoiled silly

Guide to emotionally unstable, insecure women..

...looking for a guy /device they can model the way they need to feel better about themselves.

The ladies approving of this pile of crap should consider dating /marrying a robot they programmed themselves, so that at least 'he' always acts the way they need him to act to give them a feeling of false self worth.

I'm sorry girls, but real men want real women, not emotionally immature ragdolls with serious mental issues who need to be pampered continually.

By the way, this is not a personal attack. Everyone who thinks it is proves my point regarding the lack of self worth and being emotionally unstable.

Asweome

As the dr. phil of my little area in this vast vast wolrd.. I find that this document is very very helpful. now when i get worried boyfriends begging me for help, i'll give them this and tell them to work it out. Amazing. anyone that says anything esle that is within my reach will quickly meet their maker. Keep up the good work, your awesome!

A Male explanation...

Alrighty, first I have seen and understand most of what you are talking about. Now, an explanation of man is in order. On the same token realize this does not apply to all men.
Men are usually selfish and strive for independence. To most men their violations aren't saying I don't care... ok maybe a little. BUT its usually because of stress or being caught in the moment we forget things. This is because Men and Women have different priorities. And men can be just as insecure. But man has always been under the microscope since birth to maintain a certain image... which women should sympathize with. Men can not be perceived as unmanly. This means we can't be made to look 'weak' in front of our friends, family or co-workers. Men are told that women are going to try and curb his independence all his life and for some that is true. We occassionly are insensitive to you because we are feeling rebellious. Sometimes we want to piss you off just to piss you off. Men are destryctive and some if not most of us have self-destructive streaks. But I'm an Aries so it could just be that... Women seam to demand constant attention but men get very tunnel-vision and commit to one idea at a time. which means normally you are in the background of his thoughts and if the foreground his stimulating enough he'll lose focus. It doesn't mean he doesn't care for you, but you were eclipsed temporarily. It might seem harsh... maybe men are just somewhat bipolar... then again that might just be me... ok, stopping now because I'm not sure I'm making sense. Hope this helps someway...

OK..

If you Fuck, feed, and take care of us... WE WILL do everything you just stated!!! Try! Im not kidding

Man wanting to make several points

I wished to make several points to help people reading this.

First) If I guy doesn't say anything, its normally because he doesn't feel that there is anything worth saying. If he nods, it is an acknowledgement that he heard. I understand and will try to follow throw with those suggestions, but we dont like to talk to hear ourselves talk.

Second) If we ask you what you want to do or eat its for two reasons-- generally. One, we dont have a strong preferance for anything at the moment. And/or two, we want to do what you want to do (because we feel that we've been making the majority of those choices, or we want to treat you to something etc.)

Third) We do not have planned schedules for the most part. If something comes up, and we want to do it and so do our friends, we probably will.

Fourth) If you hang up, that sounds like you do NOT want to speak with us. As a side note, we can't call back until we have figured out something worth saying, which takes a long time (especially if we do care)

Fifth) We do not want somebody who is clingly or emotional unstable (as we view it). We love you. If we didn't, we wouldn't be going out. And since we dont want someone who needs constant reassurance of the obvious, we won't always say we love you, or call you up when we can talk to you later. Besides, its more comfortable to talk face to face.
(all the wierd telephone rules women seem to have)

Sixth) When we get you something when you are mad at us, the thing is not supposed to make you feel better about us.
What it does do:
It shows that 1, we mean what we are saying.
Two, we thing the relationship will last and is going somewhere (or we wouldnt waste our generally hard earned money on it)
3, it gives us confidence. Its something to reassure us that we don't just have words which you might find a way to miss interpret.


Now, the goal of both sexes reading these things is to understand what the other gender is trying to say an move to more of a compromise. So us guys will try to talk a little more, and be a little better at reading cryptic messages. Women: try to be a little less cryptic and needy. If we go out with you THEN WE LOVE YOU! at thats that. we dont want someone who is needy but we will settle for it if we must.

One last thing: It really ticks a guy off (and I mean REALLY) when our friends girlfriends come in the way of the two of us hanging out. If the two of you are married, then we understand its forever. If not, we see you as temporary thing that stands in the way of us having fun. We see you as hurting our friend. We do not like people who hurt our friends. We do not want you to become a permanent fixture in his life.

And in all honesty, thats as close to a selfless act that you might find without a lot of hard searching.

So please women, if he is out with his friends, it really does hurt your relationship if you want to insist that he comes home.


Please not that this was not meant to insult or offend anyone. And i sincerely hope that it helps someone.

Wow. Good advice, damaged delivery.

While all of the things you stated are true, the entire text reads like a spoiled-princess, don't-you-realize-I'm-the-reason-for-life rant. Boiling *anything* down to its essence also has the effect of boiling away its identity. All of the advice is given is like chili peppers: a little, at the right time and in the right dish, and it's wonderful; otherwise, it's disaster. Men and women *are* different, but men and men are different, and women and women are different. There are no simple rules. Just try a little consideration... and that applies to you as well. When he's about to get the reaming you know he so richly deserves, maybe you should stop and listen. His 'excuse' might actually a valid reason. And, if he's that much work to live with, move on. It takes two to tangle.

"D"

Thank You

This is exactly what I've been looking for. Although it's sometimes cute when men are clueless, it really hurts when they don't understand our needs. The part about how women feel when men don't act like they care hit me especially hard. All of my past boyfriends and my current one as well just don't get the fact that we (at least, me) need to be shown some thought and consideration and love. Maybe some men just tend to be careless and forgetful. I don't know. But thank you. This brought tears to my eyes, to use a cliche.

Write a book...NOW!!! It's needed and you should!!

You need a publisher-NOW!!! Write a book-elaborate on this. I have been in contact with a lovely girl but only through the internet, for 3 months. We are getting together finally for coffee and touring the new city that I've moved to. I actually have printed out your submission so I don't mess up! I usually am the kind of guy that does all the good points that you mentioned here, but one cannot be too careful, right?
Awesome stuff, and every guy owes it to himself to read this...those that think they don't probably need it the most!!!

too many comments

1. Big boys make their own choices but not when they are asked what they want to do for dinner?

2. Being asked what you want to do the appropriate answer is to reflect the question and ask what the woman wants to do?!!

3. Don't do the cheesy things but sometimes the cheesy things are expected?!

4. Having said that I entirely agree with the bit about the little things.

5. Quite often women get upset and expect us to know why. Then they get even more upset if for any reason we don't know. Why not just simply say: "I'm upset because of YYY" and thence avoid a huge amount of unnecessary crap?

The "tidbits" go into a whole mess of single sided stipulations that have no place in a relationships from either side. Some examples:

"If we hang up because we're upset, CALL US RIGHT BACK."
Would you call me back? Experience says: No.

"Always offer to pay, if she says NO twice, then let her pay but make a deal that you get to pay next time (date offer too!)."

Why?! Oh Why?
Would you make a big deal if I paid without asking?

"If we answer "I'm Fine" in an angry tone of voice, you're in trouble. If we say it in an upset tone of voice you are in a LOT of trouble. If our voice is neutral, you need to get on your knees and very quickly figure out what it is you did so wrong."

That is just plain bull. Why not say what irks you? That would save everyone from endless grief. Also if a guy expected the same from a woman he'd be seen as an incorrigible bastard.

"Try not to ask her if she's mad at you EVERY TIME you speak to her. Actually, if you THINK she might be mad, try to find out WHY and do something about it."

How would one find out if she's mad without asking or implying by action/inquiry that she's mad?

"Just because your doing what she wants to do tonight, if you are a prick, you score no points (and probably loose points!)"

A prick by far and most likely would not be doing what she wants? IS the suggestions that while doing the right thing there is still the assumption that that guy is a prick?

"NEVER refer to her sister as the "sperm burping gutter slut"!"

Really!? Who would've thunk that?


Even writing that in a supposedly useful and serious article pulls the rug.

"I am definitely not saying that the men should do all the work,"

Err, it does read like that though. I'll try to find time to write something useful for women. Might take a while though what with paying attention to a certain someone.

Not bad at all

Your right it doesnt exactly fit everyone or every situation but some guys need things to be spelt out for them in details and others can take the ball and run with it on their own. Over all they dont understand why they say one thing and we interpret it in another. So the entire article isn't about catering to a girls whims, but paying attention to what she's trying to convey. Women use a lot of subtleties in communication. Learning to read these will help guys to stay out of trouble. Learning how their words and actions are interpreted is vital. --- And you're right - if they dont explain themselves right it comes across as they care more about themselves than their girl. If they care at all. I think the spirit of your article is dead on and helpful to most. The details are just examples and options for those that need more explaination or cant think creatively for themselves. Good job.

What men want

Since you asked....
Women make the following mistakes.....
Do not withhold sex excessively as a form of punishment. once in a while when you are really upset its ok but not too often. for minor upsets Punch the guy or grab him by the ear and explain...

Do not use the words "always" or "never" lightly. What i mean is if you have not gone out for say dinner in say a month do not tell the guy "we never go out to dinner" for this is not true because you did go out for dinner two months ago. The guy is bound to point that out and start a fight.

When we guys ask a yes or no question a shy/coy maybe is not what pleases us. if u mean no say no if you mean yes say yes. dont say yes when you mean no and no when you mean yes and never say maybe. If you say yes instead of no we will assume you ment yes. We hate guessing your thoughts. If you want to share speak plainly and you will have our complete attention.

When you go/come to a guy with a problem he will consider it his duty to think of a solution. I know you just want to talk about it but he will feel morally obliged to try to solve it. So be prepared to listen to his suggestions. when he is done (and you do not like what he has said) tell him that that might work but you do not want to try it. but do not shut him up. let him give at least a solution however stupid it is.

And finally if you trust your man let him do a little bit of oggling it will just result in better sex for you and more attention to you later on. if you think he is staring at other women too much ask him something about that gal. or comment on her hair shoes, whatever you wish. This is a trap your basic man can easily sense. Thus his attention will revert to you. This is far more effective than rebuking him.

And the inverse is just as "true"

More help with understanding men from a man.

Stop trying so hard to understand men.

You know all that mind boggling analysis you describe about his possible motives and emotions? Stop it. Seriously. Don't try to read him like he's your best girl friend. He isn't your BFF and he doesn't think the same way she does. His actions do not indicate the same thoughts and emotions that hers do. It's okay if you can't stop analyzing everything he does. Just remember that every conclusion you came to, YOU MADE UP. Yup, you imagined it, in your head. It could be true, but give the guy a chance and ask him about it. Directly. Especially if you care enough about him to be in a relationship with him.

I understand that what you perceived hurt your feelings and it's not fair that you alone shoulder the burden of that. So instead of reacting emotionally to what you perceived, try telling him what you heard when he said or did whatever he did. You do this so he can try not to act in a way that sends you bad messages in the future and you avoid an emotional fight only one you understand (hint: its not him).

Also it sucks just as much and is just as insulting for you to just ASSUME that what you're reading into the situation is exactly what's happening with him and to react accordingly.

Men and women both need to work on this. Men cannot forget that women think this way. We need to pay more attention to how the women in our lives interpret words and actions that to us HAVE NO HIDDEN MEANINGS.

Women, on the other hand, need to remember that we do not think the way they do and that we are not sending the messages they are receiving.

you're generalizaing from "you" to "all women".

And while it's cute... it's not justified.

Alternate title: how crazy bitches get dumped

Take the subject lightheartedly, but it is the raw reality from a Guy's perspective. Many of your points are valid, to a point, but then you go off the deep end with them. As a previous commenter noted, reading all kinds of stuff into your own interpretations is crazy and self-defeating. That immature perspective is exactly the thing that makes crazy bitches get dumped by strong good guys; the guys those, and most girls/women, say they want. The problem is, they get crazy reading all kinds of bull into nonexistent signs out of insecurity. Here is a tip for all women, yet mostly young ones, don't give it up to every douche bag low life you come across that makes you subconsciously think you can work out your daddy issues through and will fix all the disappointment you experienced. The ass-hats don't care about you and only want to fuck you for as long as you are not crazy---because a pussy you have access to easily, beats having to chase a new pussy any day---and all you are doing by giving yourself away to trash, well, is giving yourself away to trash! you are giving away what you ladies want to be held in such high regard as something that every douche gets to dip his dick in and then the guy at the end gets to deal with all the baggage and dented box.
Here is something that women don't realize and men are too busy just enjoying and wouldn't want to speak out loud for fear the moment will be ruined, but I will say it anyways, that whole women's liberation and women's sexual liberation movement has turned, or, women have turned themselves into free prostitutes. The biology and psychology of inter-gender sexual relations has not changed on a simple level, it's just that now women have convinced themselves that their sexual liberation is freedom, when in reality its just giving away their goods for free to those who deserve it least. the relation of deserving sex and getting sex, as implied above is actually inverted. Another way to think about it; the salesmen have convinced women that they just got a steal of a price on the piece of crap they just bought .
I know I got off topic to a certain extent, but I see it all the time and it's saddening and I am convinced it is a major point on the causal chain why family structure is breaking down, why would I want to commit to a woman when she has given it up to so many other people because she is sexually liberated? That was supposed to be one of the major benefits of commitment ; what we guys are left with is crazy butches who read shit into stuff that's not there and other crazy bitches willing to give it up just as easily. I am not complaining at all though.
I want to note that I in no way degrade women in spite of using the "crazy bitches" term, it's solely a device to get a point across. I am an observer, and maybe a traitor for saying those things, but it's bad, and even innocent daddy's little girl is whoring it up behind the curtains in the name of sexual liberation (even though it's just the outcome of it). Free booty and no reason to commit, FOR ALL! Please clue in all the women who write articles and blog posts wondering why men won't commit, or grow up way past when they should have in spite of there not being any reason to. I prefer getting pussy from multiple women and play my Xbox as often I want over marriage any day. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out, really!

"sperm burping gutter slut" made me laugh

this goes both ways. even if the male or female believes every word you just said about their family or friend. they will prolly still get mad about it because its different when they say it. doesnt even matter if your quoting them directly... they may still get mad.

Huh. You need White coats. I don't mean Chefs.

I dated a girl like this. And just want you to know she, like what I can gather from you, was irrational and psychotic. I mean the technical terms. They've done a study. In the past 100 years the percentage of the female populace has become alarming psychotic and insane. Breaking numbers up into the 97% of women in the industrialised countries.

Unfortunately they do not know why this phenomenon is occurring. Only thing us guys are left to do is either be like she truly suggested. A whimpering spineless male. Who needs to know what she wants from the vague impression she once said three years ago. (Just a random example. Don't psycho-analyse. Though you will anyways) Or try to find a girl less crazy.

Me I'm looking for less crazy. Though not crazy is harder than finding the exact single celled organism in a hay stack.

Very helpful for me

After being happily married for 40 years, I still learned a lot from this article. I have ADD, and didn't realize it until 2 years ago. When I told my wife she said "so that's the reason you do some things the way you do." I had been coping all my life without realizing it. I think many divorces occur because one person has ADD, and neither spouse realizes it. There are actually 5 forms of ADD (look it up). Many men with ADD are not good at all at taking hints, or picking up on body language or facial clues. I tell my wife, don't give me a hint, tell me bluntly, so I can get it. Also, if you tell me more than 3 things at a time, by the 4th thing I probably have forgotten the 1st thing. That makes for lots of problems, unless she realizes it. I stop her after 3 things and tell her to start again when I get pencil and paper. That helps a lot.
One other thing is that some men use love to get sex, and women use sex to get love. That can cause lots of problems. Also, men tend to focus more on doing things, and women focus more on feelings and words. Both are important, but many men and women do look at these differently. Just my 2 cents worth. Your mileage may vary. Do listen when she tells you she likes something, and do more of it.

Van Gogh's Art is Appalling

You women psycho-analyze too much. I should know: I studied psychoanalysis in college. Although, even though I truly believe you over-reacted in your "Faux-pas" situations, much of what you've said makes perfect sense and some is technically true. It's just that men are usually adjusted more to action and consideration. Or else more adjusted to care than to resource.

Oh and one last thing. Van Gogh is a horrible artist. Even in the impressionistic class, John Singer Sargent, Childe Hassam, or Claude Monet are much more impressive painters of the style. Van Gogh's work just looks like it was painted by a room full of children who ate too many special brownies.

Well, that's all. Hope you actually read this. And good essay, by the way. I did enjoy it.

Wasted on the audience

Your advice is all good, and detailed. I'm sad that many of the commenters don't seem to be able to comprehend it. If I understand you, most of your advice can be boiled down to "Respect her as a human being, and be honest."

If you do both of those then it's not really all that difficult.

Under "Respect," When a woman is emotional, don't jump to "I don't agree with her, therefore she is crazy and illogical." Grant her the respect of assuming she's an intelligent human being and her brain just works differently than yours.

So you ask her questions, and respond to her questions so that you can get over your communication gap. You lay your cards out on the table.

The reason women psychoanalyze so much is because men often exhibit the same symptoms for multiple problems. When my husband is slow to respond, and has a slightly vexed expression it could mean:

1. The car won't start and he can't figure out why.
2. I've done something that makes him angry with me.
3. He's having a problem at work.
4. The waitress is hot and he is sad that she's too young for him, and he's too married for her.

Of these four possibilities, only number two worries me, but I get angry with him when he won't answer because not knowing means I can't modify my actions appropriately.

This is something women evolved because we are smaller than men. Through history, we often did not have control over our circumstances. Our only way to keep ourselves safe was to read the body-language and behavior of the men around us so that we could keep them happy, and stay out of their way when we they weren't. Also, it's useful in child-care because small children aren't the best talkers.

So men calling us "Crazy" because we worry like this is more than a little demeaning and mean.

When a woman asks you a question, answer openly and honestly. Even if you think it's irrelevant or stupid. It's not to her. Respect her enough to give her the information or at least a "I'd rather not talk about it right now. I'm not mad at you, though."

In return, we need to give men a safe space to be honest. If he says "The car won't start and I can't figure out why!" don't be mad at him for having a stupid reason. It's obviously not to him. If he's sad that waitress is hot and he can't have her, hug him and commiserate with him about getting older. Don't belittle his pain.

And the same applies to women about men. When a man you are dating asks you a question, answer it honestly and completely. Respect him enough to lay your cards on the table, and know that he's not stupid because he can't figure out why you are mad. His mind just works differently than yours.

I say this as a woman who has been married for twelve years. The relationship you are in might not last, but if someone isn't willing to be respectful and honest then they aren't worth your time.

Also, I hate calling Van-Gogh an impressionist. Most impressionism is silly and insipid. I hate paintings that are there just to look pretty. Real art, in my opinion, should make you feel s omething. Van-Gogh with his broad brushstrokes and child-like veiws of the world made you feel for the beauty and complexity of the peice. Monet couldn't even evoke emotions in most people when he was painting his wife on her death-bed. Why should he? He obviously didn't feel them. He only did it because he thought that the light was interesting on her blanket. Van-Gogh conveyed passion.

But perhaps I'm an emotion junkie. I like expressionism a lot better than impressionism. I prefer Firefly to V. I prefer Chopin to Mozart. I *don't* like the inherrent sexism in the attitude that if something examines emotions and interpersonal relationships that means it's automatically afforded less respect.

I think the most important advice in here is don't ask what she wants to do unless you're going to do what she wants to do. Don't say you'll do something when you won't. Do not offer what you will not give.

I'm kind of self-centered, but even I get that. I know a lot of people who don't.

I also think men and women (or at least my girlfriend and me) get into fights because when I'm angry I need space and when she's angry she needs to know I still care. So my natural reaction when she gets angry and hangs up is "Well, I better give her some space." WHICH IS THE EXACT WRONG THING TO DO.

As for advice to give women about men:
1) If we say we're fine, that means leave us alone about it. At the worst, we're bothered by something that has nothing to do with you and we don't want to talk about it because there's nothing to say.
2) If we are not picking up a hint, just tell us. Seriously.
3) And sometimes we need space. Men like space. When men get mad, being pursued so we don't get space feels a lot like being attacked. If we get mad and leave, we need space

Here lies much wisdom

Great article.I really wish I had read this when I was 18.