I want to let all the readers know that I am posting a revised version which will fix all the grammer errors. I sent in my early copy for approval instead of my edited copy by accident. Sorry about this.
by
Anonymous12/05/05
Loving it
This is a great story line, please keep it up!!!!
by
Anonymous12/07/05
this is great
this is an awesome story line i love it. keep the stories coming at least a couple more chapters. ppl will read so dont stop
Great blend of erotic sexual pleasure and tenderness.
by
Anonymous06/17/07
cum squirt
By some accounts, women do squirt cum. It's not urine and provides lubrication. It's also ultra-sexy.
by
06/17/07
Pretty Good
Pretty good story. Didn't read Chapter 1 yet so will need to go back.
And yes women do squirt, although it's more like a gush and it's not urine. No idea about the hymen although I'm not sure why it has to be mentioned in every first time story - some girls break theirs way before and not necessarily during sex/masturbation.
by
Anonymous08/22/07
MORE,MORE,MORE
I really liked your story so far.Need another chapter.Don't leave me hanging.
I would have given you a 100 if you "closed the sale". Where is the finish?
by
Anonymous12/17/07
well i truely.....
this story is great....don't listen to all those other people. Take your time and develope things as you see fit....besides they should know by now the best things come in due time
by
Anonymous03/21/08
Squirt
Am I reading on here that some perv actually thinks that women don't excrete "come"? Crawl back into your cave, dude! Love sucking my woman's come and watching a woman come.
by
Anonymous03/22/08
You need an editor
In chapter 1 Andrea was a D cup. In Chapter 2 she's a DD.
R-I-G-G-E-D is how a gambler fixes a game. R-I-G-I-D is stiff.
And the sex went too fast. It was zero to sixty. Take more time. Lots of foreplay with how it felt to her and how it felt to him, and perhaps some reticence that had to be overcome -- step by step by step.
by
Anonymous08/26/12
I've read worse
Not a bad story. But not great either. The dialogue is cookie cutter at best, and not realistic at all. I give it an 6/10
by
Anonymous09/15/13
Wrong words
Very hot. Good development.
However, you have used incorrect words. Through for threw, etc. An editor should take a look at it.
by
Anonymous05/30/14
Language
Your storie is very good but in order to be considered a good writer you should work on being able to correctly use the English language. Words such as Threw and Through , knew and new and a few other proper words to use. You should either have someone proof read and edit for you or even take an English class in college such as creative writing or composition English. Other wise it was great.
when I read a response, especially from the author, to a comment(s) no longer there.
The next most negative situation is when there is no way to respond to a fallacious, silly, and anatomically incorrect comment made by - - anonymous. Come on folks, at least have the courtesy to take the time to create a screen name so a comment such as
" . . women don't squirt cum. If something squirts it's urine."
can be given a response by those who have experienced the wonder of such a powerful orgasm. Not someone who got pissed on by a women lacking bladder control.
Then, of course, there is the ever present critic making disparaging remarks about the spelling errors of an author who can't spell when writing their own criticism.
"Your storie (sic) is very good but in order to be considered a good writer you should work on being able to correctly use the English language."
to which I give a resounding
duh.
rotflmfao
English
Note from author.
I want to let all the readers know that I am posting a revised version which will fix all the grammer errors. I sent in my early copy for approval instead of my edited copy by accident. Sorry about this.
Loving it
This is a great story line, please keep it up!!!!
this is great
this is an awesome story line i love it. keep the stories coming at least a couple more chapters. ppl will read so dont stop
Just do it
I've only the one story, so I don't throw bricks at anyone's work. It has the makings of a great series. Whatever you do, just keep writing!
Suggest that before you finish revision...........
That you learn the location of a womans hymen and that women don't squirt cum. If something squirts it's urine.
Sweet Jeebus!
You've improved a lot and damn if it didn't get even hotter. Keep up the good work and lay out Chapter 3 SOON!
Hey this is just hot and sweet :)
This was just so sweet and hot :) Wish you'd written a few more chapters though - it really leaves us girls breathless this way !!!!
My DIck is Straining for Chapter 3
Get to Chapter 3!!!
Great blend of erotic sexual pleasure and tenderness.
cum squirt
By some accounts, women do squirt cum. It's not urine and provides lubrication. It's also ultra-sexy.
Pretty Good
Pretty good story. Didn't read Chapter 1 yet so will need to go back.
And yes women do squirt, although it's more like a gush and it's not urine. No idea about the hymen although I'm not sure why it has to be mentioned in every first time story - some girls break theirs way before and not necessarily during sex/masturbation.
MORE,MORE,MORE
I really liked your story so far.Need another chapter.Don't leave me hanging.
Great Start, but no FINISH
I would have given you a 100 if you "closed the sale". Where is the finish?
well i truely.....
this story is great....don't listen to all those other people. Take your time and develope things as you see fit....besides they should know by now the best things come in due time
Squirt
Am I reading on here that some perv actually thinks that women don't excrete "come"? Crawl back into your cave, dude! Love sucking my woman's come and watching a woman come.
You need an editor
In chapter 1 Andrea was a D cup. In Chapter 2 she's a DD.
R-I-G-G-E-D is how a gambler fixes a game. R-I-G-I-D is stiff.
And the sex went too fast. It was zero to sixty. Take more time. Lots of foreplay with how it felt to her and how it felt to him, and perhaps some reticence that had to be overcome -- step by step by step.
I've read worse
Not a bad story. But not great either. The dialogue is cookie cutter at best, and not realistic at all. I give it an 6/10
Wrong words
Very hot. Good development.
However, you have used incorrect words. Through for threw, etc. An editor should take a look at it.
Language
Your storie is very good but in order to be considered a good writer you should work on being able to correctly use the English language. Words such as Threw and Through , knew and new and a few other proper words to use. You should either have someone proof read and edit for you or even take an English class in college such as creative writing or composition English. Other wise it was great.
I am immediately discouraged
when I read a response, especially from the author, to a comment(s) no longer there.
The next most negative situation is when there is no way to respond to a fallacious, silly, and anatomically incorrect comment made by - - anonymous. Come on folks, at least have the courtesy to take the time to create a screen name so a comment such as
" . . women don't squirt cum. If something squirts it's urine."
can be given a response by those who have experienced the wonder of such a powerful orgasm. Not someone who got pissed on by a women lacking bladder control.
Then, of course, there is the ever present critic making disparaging remarks about the spelling errors of an author who can't spell when writing their own criticism.
"Your storie (sic) is very good but in order to be considered a good writer you should work on being able to correctly use the English language."
to which I give a resounding
duh.
rotflmfao
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