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English
Crazy
You should have left the original story alone. Each reader could added their own ending as they saw fit or been pissed off at you for not finishing the story. But readers' memories are short and they would have forgiven you since you are a good storyteller. I look forward to reading more of your stories.
Boyd
Ruined
Find an editor. The revisitation was disjointed and illogical. It was topped off with a major spelling error. It's "THEN I took the pistol," NOT "THAN I took the pistol." Geez!
Well..............
Split emotions here.
Can't say I'm ever a fan of the Macho "If I get violent it proves I'm a man" senero that alot of folks seem to want to throw around, but on the other hand you did take an "unexpected" dark path that showed some concequences for "both" their actions. Up till the death part I mean, and that was a new twist.
Can't give it an 100 because of the Macho violence (pistol whipping? Assult with a deadly weapon?), its deserves more than 50%, but I'd have left original story alone if it was me.
But either way, good story. But this is one story that more than likely could have been stand alone.
Sorry....
I normally like your writing, as dark as it is, but this one is strained and doesn't "ring true" like most of your works do. Harry isn't faced with a "double standard", but a triple one; he fucks around on his wife, but doesn't want her to have anybody else. However, he insists that she MUST have, and refuses to believe anything but the worst of her.
Sorry; the original ending, weak as it was, was better than this one.
why you into this kill yourself kick
what up with that?that what coward do, a man face his demons head on and not chicken out.you write like you got some coward in you.
Sorry, this one doesn't work
Your stories are among my favorites, but this one doesn't work. Living well is the best revenge, dude!
Whoops Slow Down Folks
First - Thanks for the conclusion Author - Your talent in this theme is among the very best and quite appreciated.
My feeling is that had you not been influenced by the outpouring of emotional comments and suggestions - this would have been a different story to some degree - perhaps not but how could it not be - unless it was already in the can - done!
Was your ending a probable - unlikely / was it a possible - most assurdly possible / had everyone thrown stones & been with some fault - of course.
The most heinous were real and perceptual - her's burned into his mind as not just revenge but the pass to screw locally and his friends and relatives. Strong disrespect close to home and possibly work. To Scorn! To Demean!
Dirty business all around and one in particular who was shamed by those close and supposedly trustable? His suicide was a way out and revenge on those left - not just to explain the why's but live with them - both the preceeding unspeakables and the gore that followed.
Uncomfortable and unpleasant does happen - read the paper - talk to a long time cop. Shit precipitates gore quite often when family offends - disrespects - because the pain is deep and other people know. But didn't care - enough.
You Author - provoke some deep and dark thoughts - our considerations and contemplations can be good as the consequences can be extreme and life ending. Thanks - With High Regard
almost great
the twist in the story,miriam's adultry, was pretty clever,and made for a very good story. however,the suicide finale was terrible.walking out and leaving her with nothing would have been much better.
this is the biggest flaw in this revisited chapter........
if the man commited suicide,how can he be telling the story???
Neat ending
I thought this wrapped it up very well. Miriam's vengeful nature was not mentioned in the first part, but that is only a minor quibble.
It does leave the husband with a bit of pride, whereas the first part seemed to be leading up to his humiliation and subservience. On that basis I score it highly - there are enough "wimp/cuckold/subservient husband" stories on this site already for those that like them, its nice to see new stories that take a different route.
The ending
Ok, readers I told you, you may not like the ending. You had 58 others to choose from. I could have him kicked out as many suggested. Or in my ending he could have killed anyone, wife? Steve? himself or just walked out. He figured his life was over no matter what he did. So he took the cowards way out but left a hell of a mess behind for his wife and bro-in-Law to explain and live with. I even gave you a little sex at the end.
In my original story I was thinking of doing two endings. One like this and one like many suggested. That's when I thought I'd let everyone writ the ending of their choice. Then of course I took the alternate route so we could have more debates.
Thank you for reading my stories, even though I'm getting pounded on this one.
DG Hear
I looked down and my security code was 3fff ouch!
Hey DG
The ending was dark and a little more twisted than what I enjoy but I loved the twist with the wife and the affairs. Let her whine and cry about his one night stands...I love your work and especially a new story of yours I read. It was fantastic.
I know this is a funny question for the author
of the original story; but did you even read it? That story and this ending were like two separate creatures sewed together. Now we find out that the wife is a manipulative, coniving, evil whore that has stabbed her husband in the back dozens of times?
Did you just print out the comments and choose the one that vilified the wife the worst and say, "I'll write my ending to match this one?"
You are one of my favorite authors, but I must say this is your worst effort.
Hate your ending...
I dislike your ending - not that it is not a viable ending because it is. I've known a few people that weak/ill/shattered so I can picture it. Having said that, I did not read into your ending that he was a man of such pride that thoughts of his friends laughing at him for years would destroy him. What could you have added to this that would have better set that up? I'm not sure you set up the ending as well as you could have. I've read everything you have published here and enjoyed it all but the flow on this was somewhat disjointed, I think.
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
No, please no! tell me you did not do it please. delete it please. From the site, from you pc. burn any printed copy. PLEASE.
this was un-needed. please undo. i know the compulsion. i have done it myself. but please undo.
the story was never meant to have a finish. please i beg you DELETE.
let the minds of the reader form the ending. delete, please
it is a classic. nothing more was needed. please please please DELETE.
Wicked Ending
You took a turn with this story that I never saw coming, congratulations. It was a very dark story and you executed it well.
What if...
...the gun jammed. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Don't you just love a chalange?
Hey! It's your story. End it as you want. I don't like the suicide thing(i think its yhe greatest of all sins) but, in this story, it sure is a good revenge tactic.
I think you are the number one writer of this type of story. I might try some of your others.
Thanks
1
Way to go!
It's great to see a story with an ending where somebody gets offed, because in so many stories, a lot of the characters deserve it. I hate that "living well" bullshit canard. Aint possible for anyone with an iota of self-respect. We live in a feminized, wimp society where stubbing your toenail is considered a life crisis. In a real man's society, any cheating wife and the other man/men would be blown away with no questions asked.
And I hate this bullshit about a wife's and husband's cheating being the same. No way, Jose. A man is not emotionally different after, has not had anything put into his body, there are no bodily fluids in him and he can't get pregnant. Ya wanna' make it the same? Easy! Let the legal system put people, especially women, in jail for cheating.
An author with courage and creativity! I salute you.
Phil
dg hear!
Hey readers. The story is still a stand alone story. The revisit is opional. But I do love the comments. It gives all you nice people a chance to voice your opinions and let off a little steam. It's all right, I can take it.
Please still read my stories. There might be one you can agree with.
Thanks again for reading and commenting on my stories. By the way I gave myself a 50% for those who think I'm just trying to pile on numbers.
DG Hear
Sorry DG
I liked the the story. But I really think Im going with H2OWader on this one.
DC
that's what we
get when the author does not want to finish the story. It’s the readers’ fault for begging him to complete the story. Be careful what you ask for, DG has shown he will deliver. The writing god still plays with us; he amuses himself at our expense. A fan always
DG does it again
I like the way you twist things. I can only imagine how much fun it is to be a writer capable of doing these stories. It was a good effort and I like most of what you write. I liked this alternative and I’m glad you put out an ending though it is optional. If I don’t like a story I might tell you it wasn’t the best but I respect your writing. All I can say is keep doing what you want as I look forward to reading them.
very realistic
dont we all have these thoughts sometimes
inadvertantly omitted from the ending
"Shit," exclaimed Miriam! "I told you we could get him to commit suicide. I just hoped it would have been in some ambiguous way that would have allowed me to collect the insurance. Oh, well, you win some, you lose some. Let's party!"
Good but what went wrongt?
I enjoyed the whole story right up to the last line. How can he relate his story if he's dead?
With a ldifferent last line I could really believe this story for real
Excellent Writing But...
the ending sucked! I loved the way you turned it around on the other spouse because we expected that he was going to be toast! However, the timing of his analysis that she had been cheating all along during the marriage was suspect. So as he was rushing to confront Steve with a gun he was thinking about her failure to act on her knowledge of his one-night stands? There was no hint in the first story that she was a very vengeful person.
Also, as the person who had just been caught Harry was in a very weak position to be saying that she was a bad cheater and he was a good cheater. The only difference between a series of one-night stands out of town and a series of affairs at home is the nature of the excuses for the behavior. His excuse was that he was lonely (like a kid shoplifting in a candy store). Her excuse was that she was trying to humiliate him for his bad behavior (both real and imagined). Anyway, except for Miriam giving herself away his claims about her infidelity seemed self serving and unlikely. If she had been so good at pulling the wool over his eyes all those years why was she suddenly inept.
So we have a situation where both spouses cheated on the marriage and one spouse wants to end it. It is understandable that Harry was upset since she made it her mission to humiliate him in her cheating (she could have chosen strangers). But did he ever think that had he confessed about the one night stands in the begining they could have sorted this out before it got to this point. He knew how vengeful she was but he thought he was so clever that she would never know about these lapses.
The supposed rape and pistol whipping showed that Harry was not a good person and justified Miriam's treatment of him.
His suicide was stupid. His death while tragic can easily be explained as a reaction to being outed by the disclosure of his one-night stands. He rushed to his best friend, Steve for solace but the burden of these acts was too much for him to bear so he chose the easy way out. So much for his revenge on Steve and Miriam!
You are one of the best authors on this site. This story was an outlier among the outstanding offerings that you usually share with us.
SleeplessinMD
Suicide is NOT an act of cowardice
In my experience, suicide is an act of stupidity, not cowardice. The depressed mind is an impaired mind. A profoundly depressed individual is overwhelmed by any significant problem. A suicidal individual barely understands, much less feels cowardice or courage. There is only emptiness, darkness, despair.
(Ok, my experience is limited to suicide attempts. People generally don't relate their successful suicides.)
A minor nit. I don't think that Harry could have managed an erection for sex with Betty under the circumstances. But that's what artistic license is for :-)
Received feedback
This is odd, but I posted a positive comment to your "Double Standard - Revisited"
and it is not there today. I posted it last night.
I can't think of any reason for YOU to remove it. No profanity. No abuse to anyone, I
just gave you a "100" and said I concured with your ending. It is certainly possible.
During my darkest days (23 years ago) of the divorce/custody battle I never thought about suicide. Killing the ex.........yes, killing me? Nope.
Now, I am 60 and after taking Zoloft, Buspar, and 5 other mood changing meds, I found
myself thinking.....is this all there is? Why keep going? THEN.....somewhere in the
back of my mind I heard a voice screaming at me.....SEE THE DOCTOR, get off this
crap. And I did. I am much better now that I am off those meds, but at that time...
whew......scary. And I have it made. Retired, no money problems, all the toys I want
and a wife that is great. Even the kids are talking to me....so why in the hell would
someone with all that going for them EVER think about suicide????? Too weird for
me DG.......sooooooooooooo in summary, your story was good. Nice twist.
Take care......
Thanks
It is strange that their marriage survived as long as it did with both of them dishonoring the other.
I confess to double standard living, but this illustration of it didn't bother me in the least. They were both stupid and equally guilty. His one night stands with strangers were just as hurtful to her as her more prolonged affairs with people whom he knew were to him. They both are stupid.
The only addition to your ending that I would add would be for Miriam to pick up the gun and off herself as well like the wife would be doing in my story Cheaters Never Win.
Great Effort DG
I look forward to your next.
Wow
What an ending. I liked it
Well you stirred up a hornet's nest with this one!
I like to see an author try to keep from being predictable.
It was interesting, I enjoyed reading it and made me think... what more can I ask from a story?
Keep writing!
Don't listen to them..
Don't listen to the moanings of the people that say you shouldn't write an ending, you should as you're one of the best writers of the site. I would still read others' endings anyway.
I generally don't like dark stories and like reconcilliation, but this was excellent. I could see him ending his life and causing her pain - pain of loss of income from his work, no insurance, etc. I could also see him causing her pain - pain of explaining to everyone why he did it, pain of being looked at as a slut, and pain of remembering how she lost her husband and her comfy life. Thanks again for another of your great stories, but please keep them coming.
He may be right
It would be really difficult to face anyone he knew, and many he didn't know. What a humiliating postion he was in; that she had put him in. She fucked nearly every male that knew him.
He did seem to pretty much have two options. If he decided to stay with the wife he would have to quit his job, move them 1500 miles away and find another job.
Or do what he did.
His infidelities weren't known to her friends and family or anything like what she did to him. They affected her only; and their marriage.
However neither is blameless and you can't feel sorry for either of them.
when you run from your problems
chicken is person who run away from problem.that what webster says.what with the killing of one self,that not facing the true.you hurt only yourself and the one who love you and there was no one in the room who love him.they won the one who hurt you.
Wrongful death
Maybe it is because I place such a high value on life. Shooting, maiming, perhaps, even killing through maiming and intended pain could be rational. Even were he to arrange his suicide so it would point at his wife or Steve, IT would make more sense. But to merely pull a trigger with a muzzle in your mouth does not punish or perhaps even negatively affect either, except for maybe splashing some gunky brain matter or other bodily debris on the culprits. So why would a person, so abused, so mistreated, so deliberately deceived, remove all possible forms of improvement to his condition in that manner, especially since he was so rational and so insightful up to that point. Now, if he could have gotten his wife's fingerprints on the weapon----
Sick
That was a most unlikely, sick ending.
Still there
The Double Standard was still there. His hands were still just as dirty. Why should she have to confront him when he knew he was in the wrong. He claimed he loved her but still had his one night stands? Bullshit. He was still a bastard. Then you had him take the cowards way out.
The story did'nt flow like the original. There was to much contrivance going on to set up Harry fucking his wifes sister.
The first version was much better.
I LOVE a Happy Ending!!
Absolutely your best work. Killing himself is a little extreme, but a nice touch. Killing Steve then committing suicide also a tempting alternative. (zed)
Cool!
Wow! Great unpredictable twist. Thanks.
Uh
It's rare that I find a DG Hear story that I dislike but I do not like this one. I'll say no more as I've nothing good to say about it.
No Standard
As an author you have no standards. You have no "self-appointed right" to be dishonest with your reader. At no Place in "Double Standard" do you indicate the vindictive nature that you attribute to Miriam. You simply, off the cuff, write it in to your sequel as an excuse to produce some porn. That is not being honest with your reader or yourself. You have a long list of material that I have now decided to ignore, and I hope that some of your other readers of these two stories find the same dishonesty that I do and feel you are not worth reading any further.
The Gun
The old french roulette or it maybe a squirt gun i bet he didnt kill himself it was to scare them .
Pat
Atlanta,Ga
Leave well alone...
You should have left this story without a sequel. The ending was completely unsatisfying, a coward's way out. I thought he was a stronger man, a reasonable man, and then you fucked it up with the ending. Now that's what I call a wimp.
Interesting
Well, the author finished the story. My somber concluding comment is that the four total losers all got what they deserved.
Dumb ending
I think the first story was good. But the second story really strains belief. The wife, Miriam, who was smart enough to notice the missing gun and divine her husband's intent, was not smart enough to call the police to her sister's house despite the expectation of violence? Give me a break. Harry is a piece of work. His pistol whipping of Steve makes no sense. If it's OK to get nasty and threaten to kill someone who had an affair with your wife, then Harry should already be dead, or at least he should have been taught a physical lesson by the husband who had him 'dead-to-rights' while he was on one of his trips. Instead the wronged husband just told Miriam and sent pictures.
A different ending
Why not use cyanide instead of shooting yourself its more quicker.
Very good work DG
I am sorry that not just a few took issue with your ending. As the writer in a work of fiction, you get to end it your way!!!I agree with your ending! It fit the story well! All but the sister had equal ammounts of guilt in my view. You dont have to agree with all the aspects of a story to like it. Plus, you need to consider your own morality before you judge others Keep up the good work D.G., at least one of us enjoys it!!!........richard
Dg...I can always count on you to lift my
spirits. You did this time also with the words...I pistol whipped him again just because I wanted to. ...No I'm not kidding. It's great to read someone who admits to having feelings, not that I would ever really do it...(i think) It's good to know that another human being has the same feelings as you do. It makes you seem like part of others , even tho you are somewhat of a recluse because you figure people in general are stupid ( yes I said it) Anyway thanks again..this time for being honest...nyminus@yahoo.com
Fucking awesome!
That story from first part sounds boring and a mood lover hard. I read today few your stories and was cerious how it ends. But the new end is fucking awesome!. I didn't feel shame use that words. Shit :-) We are adults and a whole here is nothing more like erotic stories sometimes rated H.
That story I enjoy well, not so much vulgarity and great story line. Better than introduction part.
It's mine english clear? :-) I use it only to read the stories ;-)
drastic
too drastic to be real. He detached himself from her when he started to fuck around, she clearly did the same. Goodbye would heve been more realistic while closing the door on his way out. G.Belgium
Agree with Algaron53
Hard to believe a fine writer like DG Hear wrote this piece of garbage. I guess even the best sometimes write real losers.
the Ct. Yankee
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