by HotGrrrl69
could of went a little slower on the sex starting part but the tease wasnt bad
Great story. Please let us know if this a fantansy or a real experience. Take your time and really get into it.
Really a great story! Indeed, probably a little fast, but since it is your first time... ;-)
I can't wait to read the next part!
Hermit
I thought your story story was very hot. It was a great first effort. Thank you.
This was a great first attempt. This is better than some that have written many stories. It was a little fast. It could have used some more tensions between the girls and the father. It might have been better to build up starting a few weeks earlier, and then have dad get the idea that something was going on, and really get him hot.
Very nice story for a beginner-writer. Please keep on the same style.
Some random ideas :
-Write a follow-up, include both the girl's mothers, trying to get back in daddy's pants, while daughters compete in kinkyness...
-Try to add a little more teasing
-Try to write in the first person point-of-view (choose your favorite character)
-Think about the relationship between daughters, maybe a flashback on how it started
Hope this helps, thanks again for your story
You'll be popular on here if subsequent efforts match this. Original & refreshing.
...have any less development, be so unrealistic, or simply stupid? Try more of a sotry development and flirting...this was awful.
fantastic story love this first story do hope you are going to do a follow up. i could have been standing there in the room watching the dad fucking first one daughter then tongue the other out fantastic bit of writing. keep up the good work.
I can tell that you have a fertile imagination. The story line is hot, but the actual writing could be improved. May I humbly suggest that you contact one of the many Volunteer Editors here on Lit and, perhaps with some guidence, your next effort can be better.
No matter what, though, keep writing, and sharing your wild and wicked thoughts with us!
It sounded like a man wrote it and of course went right to sex. I would have liked a little more of the flirting and maybe the daughters not being so submitive to the dad but other than that it was ok.
it was a really hot story.. came super hard.. just required some slowing down.. it jumped right to the sex.. but i hope you have more coming..
He should've fucked candy really hard too. But nicely written. great expression of the overwhelming tits in the face to lure him off his morales. it really does happen like that i'll tell you. Nothing beats the power of tits being shoved like that. Call me a dirty old man, but i've fucked all 6 of my best friend's daughters. Well we live in the countryside so you can't blame me, gotta keep busy somehow. But thanks for bringing back fond memories.
I don't know what it is but i've read a lot of stories where the wife/mother dies leaving a dauhter and husband, and they get it on together, it's nice but it also happens with the wife still living.
it was my neice and daughter i caught in the 69 and ended up fucking them while my wife was in the bath, taking one of her hour long soaks.
But considering it IS the very first work of an amateur, I should say it's not bad. This This is actually my first comment!
I'm the same age as your daughters... I'm rubbing myself to your story and I'm close to orgasm. You're an amazing writer. Come lick my pussy, daddy ;)
Excellent!! Just wish both girls were his natural daughters. But great anyway, continue!!!!!
very good... my story is true me and my sister both have been taking very good care of our dad for many years and he us....keep up the good work