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English
one fuck up mind
how can you get off on this shit.
What, exactly, is erotic about this?
Anyone? I just don't see it.
What the...
Toni, Henry, who was who and what was what? The ending doesn't link with the story, it's just confused. You need to read it through before posting and edit it better. Also, the subject matter sucks.
Boring or bad?
This is too much. No paragraph breakkdowns and confusing. This is not an erotic story. More like a couple of dogs...
Suggest writer reread his story after he thinks it's completed and do it more than once on different days. I find every time I reread my latest story I end up modifityng it for the better.
can someone tell me
what was this ...kinda rambled huh ....lol oh well this is one i hope dont try and try again
Poorly Written
And aside from the bad writing, it was just plain garbage. If you were able to muddle thru it!
Whole thing is an "erroneous zone"
Or, I suppose it is, since once I got to that unintened pun, I stopped reading...
Breeding time?
And suppose in all that gooey mess between your and her pubic areas that she "lost it all" and started peeing, flooding your balls and dick with her hot piss as you shot your cum deep into her, making a baby in her fertile valley?
Ok, I get it!
Everybody was drunk, including the author. Next time lay off the booze before writing. Better yet, grab your bottle and go lay in an alley somewhere out of the way.
Wow How Embarrassing Cuckster - Nice Start - Not
First off a "0" score for disrespecting yourself as well as all the semi-normal folk who read this subhuman male demeaning humiliation crap not knowing how base and perverted you would get.
Why in anybodies name would a new writer choose to fuck himself respectwise with a pimp your wife whore out to watch a larger cock - then suck his cock and lick his ass.
You really are a sick puppy aren't you writer - damn - I don't think you took the time to read - to learn your audience. You were too busy jacking off over how far below human convention you could tout this pitiful male - this frustrated humiliated not quite a man or husband to a few sicko's who are so low and jaded that it takes crude absurd subhuman feces type shit to get it up and off. I take it you need it also writer - it excites you eh - try it little sick one - get it off your mind - talk to your wife - she may never respect you again under her roof - she doen't need you to pimp her out - she needs a real man with balls not a sorid wimp who like to watch cocks - suck cocks - lick assholes.
Pathetically sad!!! & Embarrassing for you! Get some help then move this to FETISH with the other dark subhuman atrocities!
OH MAN!
THIS STORY REALLY SUCKED, I URGE U TO TRY AGAIN.
not good
read the first few lines that was enought but u will improve in your writings can't get worse
Liked it
I thought it was a good story but not long enough. I'm hoping there are additional chapters. Keep going.
Liked it
I thought it was a good story but not long enough. I'm hoping there are additional chapters. Keep going.
hahahaha
Where in the world is her "erroneous zone?"
Poorly constructed and edited worse!
Or maybe edited poorly and constructed worse! Take your pick. There is NO rationale provided for Hubby to have engineered the seduction, then 'cleaned up' Henry the Bull! Not saying it didn't or couldn't have happened, just that we know too little from this Flash Story for it to make any sense!
How did Hubby know his Sweetie had this untapped sexual resource? Had Hubby tried to tap that reservoir before and failed? How did Hubby know the Bull could uncover her latent treasure? The potential for a much better story is certainly there, maybe Henry can bring THAT out as well!
2*
good use of word imagery
You could use a proofreader, though.
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