All Comments on 'Sun setting'

by tungtied2u

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  • 4 Comments
sacksackover 18 years ago
This is tighter than your other poem today.....

and all the better for it! Thanks for sharing!

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
*you have been mentioned on today's review

this verse grabs the mind with a multitude of images...ty...blue

the harsh orb meets horizon

to take it’s final bow

I see days past more clearly

as darkness soothes my brow

TheRainManTheRainManover 18 years ago
I agree.

This is tighter than your other poem above, and has the feeling of melancholy I think you tried to write into it. Suicide is a hard thing to write about without going astray somewhere. It is not easy to keep a proper separation from the words as a writer must. It seems you like internal rhyme, but here i think you should reconsider, since it doesn't seem to jive with the theme and may give some readers a soothing feeling that will hide what you are truly writing about.

Edits:

No comma needed, I don't think, after 'contemplating.'

one's = ones

clouds = clouds'

it's = its

dcpoet44dcpoet44over 18 years ago
though a subject....

that has been written about much, but yet you do a very nice job in handling it. i too like the 3rd stanza......nicely done......don

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