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English
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proofreading would help to clean up the errors. you kept my attention with this one (i.e. i did not stop reading until the end).
keep writing. :)
wso
loved this one
not sure what the other commentators are talking about - vis-a-vis proofreading etc? I thought this was a brilliant poem - I adored the references to Don Quioxte - your imagry continues to touch me somewhere deep.
I was not going to comment,
but after reading the comment below, I decided to, since it gives the impression (which you might actually believe, god forbid) that there is no proofreading needed in your two poems. In the other, you even spelled the title wrong!
And here, just using the first stanza as example, you have two glaring punctuation errors. To properly read that stanza, you need a comma after 'Don' in the initial senctence, and you must remove the comma after "promises."
Those minor errors are not my point, however. The signs of talent are everywhere in your writing. The thought patterns, the language. This, as just one example of many I could pick, is excellent:
"The world new with tilting and wobble that you stagger through..." (though it is poorly broken apart in your poem)
The point is that I think the comment below mine is short-sighted. Your poetry is structurally weak, so much so that it actually might hide, to some eyes, the talent you possess. So,
you can choose to listen to the voices of comfort, telling you how good your poem is (and one of those voices may even be coming from inside yourself), or you can realize that you have talent and that everyone has the ability to improve, if they wish to, and are willing to search and figure out how to do it.
I suggest you start that search for self-improvement. I can feel a lot of skill inside, just waiting for a way to get out.
you...
are amazing...i'm not sure how you do it.
amazing ...
I felt like I was reading a medeival song ... really loved this one.
wow,
this is an amazing poem. The images are just mind blowing, and the insight into the human condition is awe inspiring.
very
original.
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