If this is the end of the story, then its an OK story but a weird place to end it. All in all, I found it kind of disjointed and unemotional.
If this is just a part 1, then you should have said so someplace (title or note). If you do continue, I hope its not going to be about post-partum depression or something silly as well.
All in all, about the best way this story could end up is if its over and this is some kind of realistic view of infidelity and the people who commit it. Her behaviour before discovery and when caught is all there is to the story. Maybe its just about what cheaters are really like and trying to counter all 'perfect women in perfect marriages who cheat for no reason but are really, really sorry about it after they are caught and didnt really mean it' stories. If it is one of those, I think you should have at least told us what happened during the divorce (i.e. who got the kid and if it was even his). Would have been better imo if you continued on a ways past the divorce and showed the husband getting over it and moving on too.
While I really do hope this is the end of the story, if you do plan on continuing, I hope you think twice about trying to explain away her actions. Please notice all the posts recently (from people other than me as well) about digging the wife into too big a hole then trying to reconcile them. I really hope there isnt a pat excuse coming up (depression, insanity, blackmail, etc) to try and justify the wife's LONG-TERM behaviour. If there is, I hope its just as an aside and you dont try to use it to get them back together.
Make the husband into a real person instead of a caricature of someone's already flawed ideal. All that is left now is the crying no matter what she comes up with as an excuse now. After over a year of being treated like this, he shouldnt care enough to bother. Even if he does decide to listen to her, that doesnt mean he would want her back. Feelings die after a far shorter time than youve written into this story when someone is trying their best to poison them. Even if the husband is the 1 in a million that just sat around getting shit on for a year and a half but still loved his wife, chances are slim that he could get over her actions even if he tried. The guy who could accept this kind of long term behaviour and be secure enough to get over it with therapy and work is also 1 in a million. Real peoples egos, or insecurities, or tempers, or feelings of self-pity, etc would get in the way. So, for them to get back togther now the husband must be an absolutely perfect guy with two really long-shot character atributes going for him (odds of 2 1/1000000 shots together are 1 in a million x million I think).
Whatever is (or isnt coming), thanks for writing.
by
Anonymous12/18/05
Unlike the other comment I would like more
I disagree with the last comment. The story needs to have the ending showing the life the characters end up with. I agree that the characters need more expanision on them - like why she was that way, how he is, and their daughter. Also something needs to be fixed - in the start it mentions that he is almost 40 and they married out of college, then toward the end it mentions them only together 5 years which doesn't match. I look forward for more from you.
you start own one thing and move to another all over the place.people need a pathfinder to keep up with your story.there is no excuse for fucking in your bed at home with another man.she mental and he slow or retarded.if you stop moving all over the place and tell your story we could understand it better.she don't need to be around the child.
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Anonymous12/18/05
timing
The premise of the story is fine the only bit I didn't like was the time sequencing, his flight back I wondered if the story had been put up in the wrong order as the event was non sequential. Having read it all it makes sense when thought about but I don't read these stories to think about them. Further the story appears to be left in the air. Still with a bit of work you could be a good author.
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Anonymous12/18/05
Ya gotta be kidding me....
...there is no way a rational man who has been so betrayed is going to give up the house, etc., to a whore who has disrespected him for so long and then called their child a "brat!" A normal man would NOT be so nice to such a hateful person as that bitch turned out to be.
When will you writers begin to think logically? Obviously never, because many of you continue to portray men as wimps who walk away from all they have spent their lives earning just to walk away and give it up to a whore who doesn't deserve anything but the clothes on her back.
What a sad ending to a rather pointless story. As I see it the story could be summed up as follows: He lived with a bitch, went on a trip, came home and found her in bed, and gave her everything except the kid. Rather dull and rediculous, don't you think? Get real!
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Anonymous12/18/05
eh
First of all, I have a problem with a loving father who keeps a loaded gun on a shelf when he has a small child in the house.
Second, the section on how they met and fell in love was way too long and unnecessary for this story, and was out of place stuck in the middle. As soon as I saw that coming, I realized that since this story was only 2 pages long, we were not going to get a satisfactory ending. Do you plan a part 2? Surely you don't plan on ending the story without letting us know how she became such a cruel witch, or why she thinks he knew about her adultery.
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Anonymous12/18/05
re: Anon in Fla
Is this the same person who always talks about "wimp" husbands? Write your own damned stories and let others write what they want to write. Besides, you should check your own spelling first before you start your moralistic bullshit!
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Anonymous12/18/05
This story more real than most with the same plot
It's probably repeated a thousand times a day.
Don't know why, however, someone would publish it in LITEROTICA
There is nothing erotic about it as least for me.
However there seem to be a lot of jerks out there who get there jolly's having a woman to hurl curses at.
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Anonymous12/18/05
Geez, Give Thecelt a Break!
I always wonder why folks have to write these responses in such a personal attack mode. I was always taught that one should address the subject not the individual. If you don't like it, fine. Give a reason(s) based on the story, not an attack on the author.
Looking back at Thecelt's story list I see he has had excellent ratings. How about letting him explore different styles/ideas. By all means, critique the story but don't get so involved that you can't separate the story from the author.
Hopefully, we all have a real life and can balance what we enjoy reading with that life. Some of these responses remind me of my elderly mother who bacame outraged when something she didn't like happened on her soap operas. I think her line of reality was blurring.
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Anonymous12/18/05
It's A STORY
I read some of the negative comments about this story and find myself writing a comment myself. It is just that, a story, but it seems to do exactly what it was intended to do, get people to read and react to it. To me this means the author did a great job and I for one would read more of his stories.
by
12/18/05
Well, I liked it!
I thought it was well crafted and interesting to read. I like to see authors try different types of stories.
Good job!
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Anonymous12/18/05
The Stories not over yet!
A lttle birdie told me that there are more chapters on there way. Shame in you Celt for not telling them.
I think the story is great, PMD and all that. I'm just wondering how the author is going to play it from here.
I must read through the comments and see how many of the commentors recognised the wifes PND or were they to busy getting angry themselves.
DC
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Anonymous12/18/05
Bullshit
Tom must be the dumbest motherfucker that ever lived.
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Anonymous12/18/05
REVENGE! SAY IT WITH ME!~! r e v e n g e !!!!!!
You need payback. You need to fuck them both up. Another chapter is needed here.
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Anonymous12/18/05
Can't wait for the Reconciliation
Gee, I hope you don't make Tom go without sex for 5 years before reconciling with the wonder of his life.
Ok, I'll bite. If this is part of a bigger story that doesn't involve making the husband look stupider than he must feel at this very moment, this could be a good story. It felt half done when I read it, and if the post below is correct, then I look forward to the next chapter(s). At least long as the husband doesn't sit in a corner pineing away for his wife/ex-wife who was cheating on him and used it to make sure he knew about it and to push him away.
But for some reason this has the ugly "feel" of a reconcillation story if there are more chapters. God I hope not, but it really does to me. Often when the husband repeatedly throws away his self respect, he doesn't stop once the wife gets the cheating out of her system and ask for another chance. I've gotten used to reading how the husbands put their life on hold till the wife gets all the strange loving out of her system. But since I read below that there may be more chapters, I'll wait to see how you sew it up (^_^)
More for your rep than anything else, but I have to agree with Risq_001. I'm catching a whiff of reconciliation (mental health reasons)coming, and that would ruin this story unless you are channelling Dickens. She has to be nuts; that's a given, unless the husband is the worst judge of character in history. But, she also has to realize something is wrong and would seek help. She's working and (obviously) has relationships outside of her marriage. Someone else HAD to have suggested she seek help before her husband did.
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Anonymous12/18/05
Needs a little payback!
A good story, if your going to continue it, you need to give "Tom" some payback against the two of them, especially his wife. He was far too equitable in this chapter.
have the results, what we don’t have is the equation or the answer, coming soon to a lit near you, I hope. Be a new twist to find stories with the toilet stool lid always closed and not know why. A fan always.
While I did have to say I did notice the Wife's Post depression, the husband was doing all he could to try and fix that. Most women who do have this happen to them *very* rarely use an affair as a means to get over that depression. Since I did notice it, it thought it may have played a small part in getting a much larger ball rolling, that may have been in play for a while longer than the husband realized.
From a PNI help website:
http://www.pnisha.org.uk/postnatal.html
Post natal Illness / Depression Symptoms
-Do you feel you are a 'bad' mother?
-Do you have horrible and distressing thoughts about yourself and your baby?
-Are you visualising terrible things happening to your baby caused by you?
-Do you have any 'chanting' thoughts or fast moving thoughts which don't go away especially when you try to sleep?
-Are you anxious or obsessive about your baby's health, welfare and safety?
-Do you clean the house all of the time or have obsessive thoughts about a fear of germs or illness harming your baby?
-Do you think about knives, or other dangerous objects or driving in your car and then have 'what would happen if' thoughts?
-Do you think you are a 'bad person' rather than thinking you may have some kind of postnatal illness?
-Did you feel numb after having your baby;like he/she wasn't really yours?
-Do you play the birth in your mind time and time again because it was so awful for you?
-Are you able to enjoy life, have a sense of humour and laugh like you did before having your baby?
-Do you feel 'not right in yourself' since the birth of your baby?
-Do you avoid talking about the birth because you feel numb, or cry excessively about how you were treated?
__________________________
The wife in the story seemed to actually take more pleasure in the husbands frustration and being cruel to him, than in her being depressed. I mean the last few paragraphs had her smirking and belittling him to the end. And earlier in the story she was belittling his manhood so that he had problems performing. That doesn't seem to be depression talking. I'm sure it might be explained away as that, but as it stands it doesn't seem like it.
Sooooooo, somehow while the story might get blamed on PNI/PND it doesn't follow most of the outline the depression. And taking almost 2 years to develop into various sex acts with strangers seems like a weird outlet.
Like blaming your lack of having a drivers license because you can't afford to by enough gas to drive to work. Sure not having gas money is a problem, but not the symptom of not having a license. (^_^)
But if your right about this being used as an under current to the story plot, then I bet I'm right in my below post about this being a big "Reconcillation" story with the "It wasn't the wive's fault" used as the main reason for the husband to take her back.
We'll see.
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Anonymous12/18/05
Either this is a horrible stand alone story...
Or it's a promising first part. If you stop here, the story will be: nice wife turns into psycho slut for no reason, the end. How unsatisfying! But if you follow up and make some plausible explanation as to why she acted as she did, then you have something. So I'll withhold judgment for now.
He's ready to kill her one minute. Then tells her she can have the house and half of everything else the next minute. Doesn't sound all that likely, does it?
And we really know NOTHING about why she is fucking everybody around. Her actions started some time ago and this last one has only been around 6 months. What she said about his knowing of her cheating really makes no sense from what we have been told.
I don't believe I would wait around for her to straighten out her insanity. Once bitten, twice shy; so to speak. Even if she does straighten out her mind, her hormones and steroids, what's to say it doesn't repeat after a coupla years?
And YES! We need some revenge. What happened to the idea of making the adulterer pay; and his company??
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Anonymous12/18/05
I have to reply to Risq_001
I can only say I don't have to go to a Web-site. Although they are of course handy for those people out there who never come across Post Natal Depression or if your really unlucky Post Natal Psychosis.
I’ve been there, via close friend who almost had to go into therapy himself after his wife suffered PNP. I can assure you that just about anything can happen. From my own experience the lovely young lady in question turned into someone you wouldn’t wanted to meet on a dark night. Oh, and I do have the knife wound scar’s to prove it. After couple of years of treatment the lady is now the loving person again that she always really was. And i'm pleased to say, she is still happily married to her husband, who also sports the same reminders.
I think there's a bit of continuity problem here. The ages (almost 40) and 5 years out of college (but in a frat so no hint that he went to college 10 years late.) "Loved most of my adult life" but again the numbers didn't add up.
Very good writing, I loved the ambiguity. One problem that I see in so many of these stories, including mine, is that real life emotional responses are never pure. No matter how much justified anger, you still have love too. That's what makes it so painful. If the woman was a stranger, if you weren't involved, if you didn't care for the person you wouldn't hurt so much.
You've done a very good job of showing that. Sure, he's a man, he's not going to stand for a cheating wife, but he loves her, and was man enough to stick to his vows of "for better or worse." I like this man, I hope he gets justic. Based on your other stories I don't see a wimp. BTW, one problem with a wimp is they aren't strong enough to reconcile. Reconciliation is an action between equals. If one partner just accepts the action of the other, it isn't fair and that partner is little more than a doormat.
I however think you need to do bit of work on the ages. Sorry I haven't been able to comment on your other stories, but I have very much enjoyed them.
Definitely needs more. We don't have her viewpoint. We have the fractured timeline, and we have his oath of revenge one moment and his promise to leave the other guy out of the lawsuit the next. Worst of all, we have no actual resolution. Further episodes could fix some of it.
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Anonymous12/18/05
I think this story was written before!!!
She has a medical condition....re-orients herself...he now understands...his ying was her yang and vice versa...all gets sorted out ...ying to ying and yang to yang....they both understand that it was neither ones fault but the the baby must come first...yada yada yada...
Oh yes...that was TOm's POV...now we will have Julie's and her rationale which was partial telegraphed..
"You know as well as I that this has not been a marriage for some time and you didn't do anything to try to change it. You knew I was cheating on you and accepted it. It was clear that you only cared about the brat and not me. What did you expect?"
Lack of self esteem...post natal depression...pyscho-babble..perhaps..or just living in different worlds and interpretations...she concludes...
"Just go. I want to see you gone just as much as you want to get out of here. It's what you have wanted for some time anyway. And you can keep the brat. You love her far more than me and have since she was born." Julie still appeared to be cold and disinterested.".
With all this said...her point of view ..will lead to theraphy...an understanding of herself..etc etc..and hubby's realization that "yea she was sick" and I shouldn't hold her actions against her...
Wasn't this written before ...
'nuff said...
Andy
by
12/18/05
wow, thanks Anonymous in SW UK
I didn't realze that knowing one person whose wife suffered from PNP makes one such an expert in the area. You don't have to check websites, or do any research to educate yourself, because you know someone. And you arrogantly and condescendly dismiss those people who DO bother to do research. I'm sure you would tell a psychology major that you knew more about it than they did, because you knew a person whose wife had it. So with this vast experience, you are also qualified to diagnose a character in a story and belittle anyone who didn't see the character the same way you did, because you have 'knife wound scar’s to prove it' (there is no apostrophe in 'scars' by the way)
Please, get over yourself. No one is impressed by your bragging of how superior your knowledge and experience is, ok?
can't imagine why you would end this story in the manner you have. obviously the wife's problem is the reason for the story in the first place,why would you leave it unresolved or at least explained in the end?
The story can stand on it’s own as a bit of a mystery story. Hope you might give us some of your insight to this story. Thank you for the story.
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Anonymous12/19/05
Have Any Of You Gone Through A Divorce Process?
For those of us who have, rationality seemed to be absent in spurts, days or weeks. Emotions, directed intentional pain and abandonment by the one who should care cause irresponsible thoughts and actions - some from weirdsville in retrospect.
This author gets to "it" more than any other here - "it" is the reality or lack of it caused by the trama of a broken confidence and contract that often now involves innocent parties.
If you knew there was a chapter 2 would you feel the way you do now??? Of course not!
His work at first blush isn't all good or all bad but it does resonably emulate some of life's non-predictabilities. Upon futher thought most think even more about the why and the possible futures.
Celt:
There seems to be something missing or something that I'm missing. The story seems incomplete. I'n not talking about a part 2, It just seems like the story was only partly told. That's ok, I have a vivid imagination, but . ., anyway you've given us all food for thought. Thank You. Ronnie W.
To the most part I take Average Joe’s view on the story. I was thinking about the same adjective: “disjointed” before I saw his review.
If the story stays ‘as is’, there are too many unanswered questions to my taste. In real life we frequently have to accept it. But I believe that as stories just imitate life rather than delude as to feel that we are actually in reality, one of the pleasures that most readers expect is to know more, i.e. have a higher level of probability and a sense that things “make sense”. It gives us the pleasure of aesthetic distance and safety and the pleasure of some predictability. Therefore, not understanding almost any thing about the ‘why’ and the ‘how’ regarding the wife is not a small minus in my book. If, on the other hand, you add and feel up the missing parts, it looks like you would have to make quite a thorough reconstructive work, to the point of almost rewriting the story. My advice, what ever you do - don’t pop up some quick fix explanation / excuse, which in my mind would just damage the story. Thing is, it may very well be worth the try because you do write so well!
only because the celt usually writes a reasonable story.
Well, that's changed forever now.
There was absolutely nothing reasonable about this one. Everything was incomplete - everything!
No reasons, no motivations for anything.
No structure, no coherence - nothing to recommend it to a reader expecting a story.
Having no ending is not bad per se, but there is nothing complete in this story. That is if something which starts nowhere in particular, beats around the bush for an interminable time and then just stops for no particular reason can even be called a story!
Our author did start the tale with the sub-title "Tom's Story" so it would not be unexpected for "Julie's Story" to appear pretty soon. Whatever Julies reasons may have been for her actions and attitude, rest assured she has some. We will almost certainly feel that some or all of her reasons are really excuses, or simply dumb, but such is life; people do things for reasons which appear pretty insane when judged by a neutral observer.
TheCelt is a consistent writer and has already delivered a story we can enjoy as it stands. Another Chapter, if it comes, will be appreciated (by some anyway) but is not strictly needed. Use your imagination, properly fired by Tom's version of events, to imagine why Julie acted as she did and said the things she said.
by
Anonymous12/19/05
with thecelt's last other story
about some machine-like woman who said something like:
"I found out I treated my husband badly, because he earned less than I did, and because my daddy didn't respect him, either; but a few months of counseling has helped me see my faults; now I will love him more than before,,,"
But the AUTHOR had the husband come back, after one whole year away, working for a lot of money in Australia?, an entire 12 months he apparently spent NOT one minute thinking about his problems but asked that SHE think about it [when he left in a hurry],,, Anyway, a husband who came back after one year, who said to his wife after her calculated admittance of guilt:
"I don't know what to think. Let me have some time! I don't know. I guess I was expecting you to go down on your knees? But since you are not, and are talking to me calculately like this, I can't think. Give me time. I don't know what to do."
The machine wife, naturally, within a few paragraphs later told us:
"We got divorced; love apparently wasn't enough to save our marriage. But I found a rich, older man. I make him very happy. Even my ex- he's happy, too. They even liked each other. He's now married to a mousey woman. Even the kids are happy and liked each other. My rich, older husband and I spend a lot of time cruising the blue oceans. I will never do any thing to my current husband; I learned my lessons."
It's so stupid.
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Anonymous12/20/05
Impressive piece
Your style is getting stronger with a lot of good character development--even on bad characters. I would like to see one from her point of view to see what made her this way. Not that she should change or become something different than the low-down piece of crap that she is--I am just curious as to the whys and wherefores. Great story as it is, however. Just my own bent mind.
JimDinMN
by
12/20/05
Business as usual Celt
I enjoyed your story and look forward to Julie's story (which I'm sure will follow shortly. To me the first line said it all, "Tom's story."
Wow what awife ... with one like that who need enemies. I agree she dose have major problems. that she needs help with. I hope when she realizies it and gets help it not to late for her marriage
Wow what awife ... with one like that who need enemies. I agree she dose have major problems. that she needs help with. I hope when she realizies it and gets help it not to late for her marriage
This is a gripping story that grabs the reader and doesn’t let go. You seem to have a slightly different way of laying a story out and presenting it to us. Of course in this story the big question is why. I suppose we will find that out in chapter 2.
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Anonymous01/22/06
a sad story of a whore for a wife
the ego of a man can be blinding,we use terms for our spouses short comings. like she sick and on and on.what we don't understand is some people just are no good and mean.you can write all you want ,she fucked the other man in her married bed.she talk shit to her just as fucked up hubby.if he was so concern why wait so long to confront this whore.oh!my work or the this or that.b/s if he was so hurt he should confront his wife and ask why we aren't fucking.from another culture and reading this,the hubby is weak as a man of his home.
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Anonymous04/16/06
Bullshit
Your male lead has to be the dumbest motherfucker to ever grace one of your stories. Rachel doesn't deserve someone as brain dead as him.
The male lead was great it was the female lead that was the dumbest female to turn that marriage to crap when it was the husband that tried and suggested that the wife get help before that dreadful day.
Pat Murray
Atlanta,Ga.
The woman needs shock therapy to pull herself back
Pat
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Anonymous04/21/07
Celt what i can't
figure out is why the husband let his wife helt to get the guy's car out of the garage. A real man would have let the sob stay there and made the creep go through heaven and hell getting it back. he would need a court order to get me to move my car and let him out. Was this just a slip of the mind or are you so civilized that you don't think of these little things...I still like your writings but just whay did the husband show so much concern for the car of the man eho was fucking his wife in his home in his bed parked in his garage space...Tell me why?
by
Anonymous12/26/07
There would have been
no way that I have walked into that bedroom with a 9mm and not used it!
English
Hope this isnt part 1
If this is the end of the story, then its an OK story but a weird place to end it. All in all, I found it kind of disjointed and unemotional.
If this is just a part 1, then you should have said so someplace (title or note). If you do continue, I hope its not going to be about post-partum depression or something silly as well.
All in all, about the best way this story could end up is if its over and this is some kind of realistic view of infidelity and the people who commit it. Her behaviour before discovery and when caught is all there is to the story. Maybe its just about what cheaters are really like and trying to counter all 'perfect women in perfect marriages who cheat for no reason but are really, really sorry about it after they are caught and didnt really mean it' stories. If it is one of those, I think you should have at least told us what happened during the divorce (i.e. who got the kid and if it was even his). Would have been better imo if you continued on a ways past the divorce and showed the husband getting over it and moving on too.
While I really do hope this is the end of the story, if you do plan on continuing, I hope you think twice about trying to explain away her actions. Please notice all the posts recently (from people other than me as well) about digging the wife into too big a hole then trying to reconcile them. I really hope there isnt a pat excuse coming up (depression, insanity, blackmail, etc) to try and justify the wife's LONG-TERM behaviour. If there is, I hope its just as an aside and you dont try to use it to get them back together.
Make the husband into a real person instead of a caricature of someone's already flawed ideal. All that is left now is the crying no matter what she comes up with as an excuse now. After over a year of being treated like this, he shouldnt care enough to bother. Even if he does decide to listen to her, that doesnt mean he would want her back. Feelings die after a far shorter time than youve written into this story when someone is trying their best to poison them. Even if the husband is the 1 in a million that just sat around getting shit on for a year and a half but still loved his wife, chances are slim that he could get over her actions even if he tried. The guy who could accept this kind of long term behaviour and be secure enough to get over it with therapy and work is also 1 in a million. Real peoples egos, or insecurities, or tempers, or feelings of self-pity, etc would get in the way. So, for them to get back togther now the husband must be an absolutely perfect guy with two really long-shot character atributes going for him (odds of 2 1/1000000 shots together are 1 in a million x million I think).
Whatever is (or isnt coming), thanks for writing.
Unlike the other comment I would like more
I disagree with the last comment. The story needs to have the ending showing the life the characters end up with. I agree that the characters need more expanision on them - like why she was that way, how he is, and their daughter. Also something needs to be fixed - in the start it mentions that he is almost 40 and they married out of college, then toward the end it mentions them only together 5 years which doesn't match. I look forward for more from you.
Nice work
Good start - anxious to see where this goes.
that was a piece of crap
you start own one thing and move to another all over the place.people need a pathfinder to keep up with your story.there is no excuse for fucking in your bed at home with another man.she mental and he slow or retarded.if you stop moving all over the place and tell your story we could understand it better.she don't need to be around the child.
timing
The premise of the story is fine the only bit I didn't like was the time sequencing, his flight back I wondered if the story had been put up in the wrong order as the event was non sequential. Having read it all it makes sense when thought about but I don't read these stories to think about them. Further the story appears to be left in the air. Still with a bit of work you could be a good author.
Ya gotta be kidding me....
...there is no way a rational man who has been so betrayed is going to give up the house, etc., to a whore who has disrespected him for so long and then called their child a "brat!" A normal man would NOT be so nice to such a hateful person as that bitch turned out to be.
When will you writers begin to think logically? Obviously never, because many of you continue to portray men as wimps who walk away from all they have spent their lives earning just to walk away and give it up to a whore who doesn't deserve anything but the clothes on her back.
What a sad ending to a rather pointless story. As I see it the story could be summed up as follows: He lived with a bitch, went on a trip, came home and found her in bed, and gave her everything except the kid. Rather dull and rediculous, don't you think? Get real!
eh
First of all, I have a problem with a loving father who keeps a loaded gun on a shelf when he has a small child in the house.
Second, the section on how they met and fell in love was way too long and unnecessary for this story, and was out of place stuck in the middle. As soon as I saw that coming, I realized that since this story was only 2 pages long, we were not going to get a satisfactory ending. Do you plan a part 2? Surely you don't plan on ending the story without letting us know how she became such a cruel witch, or why she thinks he knew about her adultery.
re: Anon in Fla
Is this the same person who always talks about "wimp" husbands? Write your own damned stories and let others write what they want to write. Besides, you should check your own spelling first before you start your moralistic bullshit!
This story more real than most with the same plot
It's probably repeated a thousand times a day.
Don't know why, however, someone would publish it in LITEROTICA
There is nothing erotic about it as least for me.
However there seem to be a lot of jerks out there who get there jolly's having a woman to hurl curses at.
Geez, Give Thecelt a Break!
I always wonder why folks have to write these responses in such a personal attack mode. I was always taught that one should address the subject not the individual. If you don't like it, fine. Give a reason(s) based on the story, not an attack on the author.
Looking back at Thecelt's story list I see he has had excellent ratings. How about letting him explore different styles/ideas. By all means, critique the story but don't get so involved that you can't separate the story from the author.
Hopefully, we all have a real life and can balance what we enjoy reading with that life. Some of these responses remind me of my elderly mother who bacame outraged when something she didn't like happened on her soap operas. I think her line of reality was blurring.
It's A STORY
I read some of the negative comments about this story and find myself writing a comment myself. It is just that, a story, but it seems to do exactly what it was intended to do, get people to read and react to it. To me this means the author did a great job and I for one would read more of his stories.
Well, I liked it!
I thought it was well crafted and interesting to read. I like to see authors try different types of stories.
Good job!
The Stories not over yet!
A lttle birdie told me that there are more chapters on there way. Shame in you Celt for not telling them.
I think the story is great, PMD and all that. I'm just wondering how the author is going to play it from here.
I must read through the comments and see how many of the commentors recognised the wifes PND or were they to busy getting angry themselves.
DC
Bullshit
Tom must be the dumbest motherfucker that ever lived.
REVENGE! SAY IT WITH ME!~! r e v e n g e !!!!!!
You need payback. You need to fuck them both up. Another chapter is needed here.
Can't wait for the Reconciliation
Gee, I hope you don't make Tom go without sex for 5 years before reconciling with the wonder of his life.
Well at least now I know why it felt incomplete
Ok, I'll bite. If this is part of a bigger story that doesn't involve making the husband look stupider than he must feel at this very moment, this could be a good story. It felt half done when I read it, and if the post below is correct, then I look forward to the next chapter(s). At least long as the husband doesn't sit in a corner pineing away for his wife/ex-wife who was cheating on him and used it to make sure he knew about it and to push him away.
But for some reason this has the ugly "feel" of a reconcillation story if there are more chapters. God I hope not, but it really does to me. Often when the husband repeatedly throws away his self respect, he doesn't stop once the wife gets the cheating out of her system and ask for another chance. I've gotten used to reading how the husbands put their life on hold till the wife gets all the strange loving out of her system. But since I read below that there may be more chapters, I'll wait to see how you sew it up (^_^)
I'm grading you a "100" so far, Celt
More for your rep than anything else, but I have to agree with Risq_001. I'm catching a whiff of reconciliation (mental health reasons)coming, and that would ruin this story unless you are channelling Dickens. She has to be nuts; that's a given, unless the husband is the worst judge of character in history. But, she also has to realize something is wrong and would seek help. She's working and (obviously) has relationships outside of her marriage. Someone else HAD to have suggested she seek help before her husband did.
Needs a little payback!
A good story, if your going to continue it, you need to give "Tom" some payback against the two of them, especially his wife. He was far too equitable in this chapter.
ok, we
have the results, what we don’t have is the equation or the answer, coming soon to a lit near you, I hope. Be a new twist to find stories with the toilet stool lid always closed and not know why. A fan always.
Hey DC, about your PNI/PND comments.
While I did have to say I did notice the Wife's Post depression, the husband was doing all he could to try and fix that. Most women who do have this happen to them *very* rarely use an affair as a means to get over that depression. Since I did notice it, it thought it may have played a small part in getting a much larger ball rolling, that may have been in play for a while longer than the husband realized.
From a PNI help website:
http://www.pnisha.org.uk/postnatal.html
Post natal Illness / Depression Symptoms
-Do you feel you are a 'bad' mother?
-Do you have horrible and distressing thoughts about yourself and your baby?
-Are you visualising terrible things happening to your baby caused by you?
-Do you have any 'chanting' thoughts or fast moving thoughts which don't go away especially when you try to sleep?
-Are you anxious or obsessive about your baby's health, welfare and safety?
-Do you clean the house all of the time or have obsessive thoughts about a fear of germs or illness harming your baby?
-Do you think about knives, or other dangerous objects or driving in your car and then have 'what would happen if' thoughts?
-Do you think you are a 'bad person' rather than thinking you may have some kind of postnatal illness?
-Did you feel numb after having your baby;like he/she wasn't really yours?
-Do you play the birth in your mind time and time again because it was so awful for you?
-Are you able to enjoy life, have a sense of humour and laugh like you did before having your baby?
-Do you feel 'not right in yourself' since the birth of your baby?
-Do you avoid talking about the birth because you feel numb, or cry excessively about how you were treated?
__________________________
The wife in the story seemed to actually take more pleasure in the husbands frustration and being cruel to him, than in her being depressed. I mean the last few paragraphs had her smirking and belittling him to the end. And earlier in the story she was belittling his manhood so that he had problems performing. That doesn't seem to be depression talking. I'm sure it might be explained away as that, but as it stands it doesn't seem like it.
Sooooooo, somehow while the story might get blamed on PNI/PND it doesn't follow most of the outline the depression. And taking almost 2 years to develop into various sex acts with strangers seems like a weird outlet.
Like blaming your lack of having a drivers license because you can't afford to by enough gas to drive to work. Sure not having gas money is a problem, but not the symptom of not having a license. (^_^)
But if your right about this being used as an under current to the story plot, then I bet I'm right in my below post about this being a big "Reconcillation" story with the "It wasn't the wive's fault" used as the main reason for the husband to take her back.
We'll see.
Either this is a horrible stand alone story...
Or it's a promising first part. If you stop here, the story will be: nice wife turns into psycho slut for no reason, the end. How unsatisfying! But if you follow up and make some plausible explanation as to why she acted as she did, then you have something. So I'll withhold judgment for now.
A little rollercoaster feeling
He's ready to kill her one minute. Then tells her she can have the house and half of everything else the next minute. Doesn't sound all that likely, does it?
And we really know NOTHING about why she is fucking everybody around. Her actions started some time ago and this last one has only been around 6 months. What she said about his knowing of her cheating really makes no sense from what we have been told.
I don't believe I would wait around for her to straighten out her insanity. Once bitten, twice shy; so to speak. Even if she does straighten out her mind, her hormones and steroids, what's to say it doesn't repeat after a coupla years?
And YES! We need some revenge. What happened to the idea of making the adulterer pay; and his company??
I have to reply to Risq_001
I can only say I don't have to go to a Web-site. Although they are of course handy for those people out there who never come across Post Natal Depression or if your really unlucky Post Natal Psychosis.
I’ve been there, via close friend who almost had to go into therapy himself after his wife suffered PNP. I can assure you that just about anything can happen. From my own experience the lovely young lady in question turned into someone you wouldn’t wanted to meet on a dark night. Oh, and I do have the knife wound scar’s to prove it. After couple of years of treatment the lady is now the loving person again that she always really was. And i'm pleased to say, she is still happily married to her husband, who also sports the same reminders.
DC
Hmmm
I think there's a bit of continuity problem here. The ages (almost 40) and 5 years out of college (but in a frat so no hint that he went to college 10 years late.) "Loved most of my adult life" but again the numbers didn't add up.
Very good writing, I loved the ambiguity. One problem that I see in so many of these stories, including mine, is that real life emotional responses are never pure. No matter how much justified anger, you still have love too. That's what makes it so painful. If the woman was a stranger, if you weren't involved, if you didn't care for the person you wouldn't hurt so much.
You've done a very good job of showing that. Sure, he's a man, he's not going to stand for a cheating wife, but he loves her, and was man enough to stick to his vows of "for better or worse." I like this man, I hope he gets justic. Based on your other stories I don't see a wimp. BTW, one problem with a wimp is they aren't strong enough to reconcile. Reconciliation is an action between equals. If one partner just accepts the action of the other, it isn't fair and that partner is little more than a doormat.
I however think you need to do bit of work on the ages. Sorry I haven't been able to comment on your other stories, but I have very much enjoyed them.
Pretty Unsatisfying, Especially without a Pt. II
Definitely needs more. We don't have her viewpoint. We have the fractured timeline, and we have his oath of revenge one moment and his promise to leave the other guy out of the lawsuit the next. Worst of all, we have no actual resolution. Further episodes could fix some of it.
I think this story was written before!!!
She has a medical condition....re-orients herself...he now understands...his ying was her yang and vice versa...all gets sorted out ...ying to ying and yang to yang....they both understand that it was neither ones fault but the the baby must come first...yada yada yada...
Oh yes...that was TOm's POV...now we will have Julie's and her rationale which was partial telegraphed..
"You know as well as I that this has not been a marriage for some time and you didn't do anything to try to change it. You knew I was cheating on you and accepted it. It was clear that you only cared about the brat and not me. What did you expect?"
Lack of self esteem...post natal depression...pyscho-babble..perhaps..or just living in different worlds and interpretations...she concludes...
"Just go. I want to see you gone just as much as you want to get out of here. It's what you have wanted for some time anyway. And you can keep the brat. You love her far more than me and have since she was born." Julie still appeared to be cold and disinterested.".
With all this said...her point of view ..will lead to theraphy...an understanding of herself..etc etc..and hubby's realization that "yea she was sick" and I shouldn't hold her actions against her...
Wasn't this written before ...
'nuff said...
Andy
wow, thanks Anonymous in SW UK
I didn't realze that knowing one person whose wife suffered from PNP makes one such an expert in the area. You don't have to check websites, or do any research to educate yourself, because you know someone. And you arrogantly and condescendly dismiss those people who DO bother to do research. I'm sure you would tell a psychology major that you knew more about it than they did, because you knew a person whose wife had it. So with this vast experience, you are also qualified to diagnose a character in a story and belittle anyone who didn't see the character the same way you did, because you have 'knife wound scar’s to prove it' (there is no apostrophe in 'scars' by the way)
Please, get over yourself. No one is impressed by your bragging of how superior your knowledge and experience is, ok?
almost great
can't imagine why you would end this story in the manner you have. obviously the wife's problem is the reason for the story in the first place,why would you leave it unresolved or at least explained in the end?
don
Good story. Good read.
The story can stand on it’s own as a bit of a mystery story. Hope you might give us some of your insight to this story. Thank you for the story.
Have Any Of You Gone Through A Divorce Process?
For those of us who have, rationality seemed to be absent in spurts, days or weeks. Emotions, directed intentional pain and abandonment by the one who should care cause irresponsible thoughts and actions - some from weirdsville in retrospect.
This author gets to "it" more than any other here - "it" is the reality or lack of it caused by the trama of a broken confidence and contract that often now involves innocent parties.
If you knew there was a chapter 2 would you feel the way you do now??? Of course not!
His work at first blush isn't all good or all bad but it does resonably emulate some of life's non-predictabilities. Upon futher thought most think even more about the why and the possible futures.
You are appreciated Author - With High Regard
Somethings missing
Celt:
There seems to be something missing or something that I'm missing. The story seems incomplete. I'n not talking about a part 2, It just seems like the story was only partly told. That's ok, I have a vivid imagination, but . ., anyway you've given us all food for thought. Thank You. Ronnie W.
To add or not to add?
To the most part I take Average Joe’s view on the story. I was thinking about the same adjective: “disjointed” before I saw his review.
If the story stays ‘as is’, there are too many unanswered questions to my taste. In real life we frequently have to accept it. But I believe that as stories just imitate life rather than delude as to feel that we are actually in reality, one of the pleasures that most readers expect is to know more, i.e. have a higher level of probability and a sense that things “make sense”. It gives us the pleasure of aesthetic distance and safety and the pleasure of some predictability. Therefore, not understanding almost any thing about the ‘why’ and the ‘how’ regarding the wife is not a small minus in my book. If, on the other hand, you add and feel up the missing parts, it looks like you would have to make quite a thorough reconstructive work, to the point of almost rewriting the story. My advice, what ever you do - don’t pop up some quick fix explanation / excuse, which in my mind would just damage the story. Thing is, it may very well be worth the try because you do write so well!
Very Good
Holy Post-Partum Depression!
Boyd
Oh dear - why did I bother reading this?
only because the celt usually writes a reasonable story.
Well, that's changed forever now.
There was absolutely nothing reasonable about this one. Everything was incomplete - everything!
No reasons, no motivations for anything.
No structure, no coherence - nothing to recommend it to a reader expecting a story.
Having no ending is not bad per se, but there is nothing complete in this story. That is if something which starts nowhere in particular, beats around the bush for an interminable time and then just stops for no particular reason can even be called a story!
Gee, be patient!
Our author did start the tale with the sub-title "Tom's Story" so it would not be unexpected for "Julie's Story" to appear pretty soon. Whatever Julies reasons may have been for her actions and attitude, rest assured she has some. We will almost certainly feel that some or all of her reasons are really excuses, or simply dumb, but such is life; people do things for reasons which appear pretty insane when judged by a neutral observer.
TheCelt is a consistent writer and has already delivered a story we can enjoy as it stands. Another Chapter, if it comes, will be appreciated (by some anyway) but is not strictly needed. Use your imagination, properly fired by Tom's version of events, to imagine why Julie acted as she did and said the things she said.
with thecelt's last other story
about some machine-like woman who said something like:
"I found out I treated my husband badly, because he earned less than I did, and because my daddy didn't respect him, either; but a few months of counseling has helped me see my faults; now I will love him more than before,,,"
But the AUTHOR had the husband come back, after one whole year away, working for a lot of money in Australia?, an entire 12 months he apparently spent NOT one minute thinking about his problems but asked that SHE think about it [when he left in a hurry],,, Anyway, a husband who came back after one year, who said to his wife after her calculated admittance of guilt:
"I don't know what to think. Let me have some time! I don't know. I guess I was expecting you to go down on your knees? But since you are not, and are talking to me calculately like this, I can't think. Give me time. I don't know what to do."
The machine wife, naturally, within a few paragraphs later told us:
"We got divorced; love apparently wasn't enough to save our marriage. But I found a rich, older man. I make him very happy. Even my ex- he's happy, too. They even liked each other. He's now married to a mousey woman. Even the kids are happy and liked each other. My rich, older husband and I spend a lot of time cruising the blue oceans. I will never do any thing to my current husband; I learned my lessons."
It's so stupid.
Impressive piece
Your style is getting stronger with a lot of good character development--even on bad characters. I would like to see one from her point of view to see what made her this way. Not that she should change or become something different than the low-down piece of crap that she is--I am just curious as to the whys and wherefores. Great story as it is, however. Just my own bent mind.
JimDinMN
Business as usual Celt
I enjoyed your story and look forward to Julie's story (which I'm sure will follow shortly. To me the first line said it all, "Tom's story."
My best regards
Good
Wow what awife ... with one like that who need enemies. I agree she dose have major problems. that she needs help with. I hope when she realizies it and gets help it not to late for her marriage
Good
Wow what awife ... with one like that who need enemies. I agree she dose have major problems. that she needs help with. I hope when she realizies it and gets help it not to late for her marriage
Compelling
This is a gripping story that grabs the reader and doesn’t let go. You seem to have a slightly different way of laying a story out and presenting it to us. Of course in this story the big question is why. I suppose we will find that out in chapter 2.
a sad story of a whore for a wife
the ego of a man can be blinding,we use terms for our spouses short comings. like she sick and on and on.what we don't understand is some people just are no good and mean.you can write all you want ,she fucked the other man in her married bed.she talk shit to her just as fucked up hubby.if he was so concern why wait so long to confront this whore.oh!my work or the this or that.b/s if he was so hurt he should confront his wife and ask why we aren't fucking.from another culture and reading this,the hubby is weak as a man of his home.
Bullshit
Your male lead has to be the dumbest motherfucker to ever grace one of your stories. Rachel doesn't deserve someone as brain dead as him.
Good Story
Good story so far.
That Male lead
The male lead was great it was the female lead that was the dumbest female to turn that marriage to crap when it was the husband that tried and suggested that the wife get help before that dreadful day.
Pat Murray
Atlanta,Ga.
shock therapy
The woman needs shock therapy to pull herself back
Pat
Celt what i can't
figure out is why the husband let his wife helt to get the guy's car out of the garage. A real man would have let the sob stay there and made the creep go through heaven and hell getting it back. he would need a court order to get me to move my car and let him out. Was this just a slip of the mind or are you so civilized that you don't think of these little things...I still like your writings but just whay did the husband show so much concern for the car of the man eho was fucking his wife in his home in his bed parked in his garage space...Tell me why?
There would have been
no way that I have walked into that bedroom with a 9mm and not used it!
The Wife Needs Help
A very sad but good story. Well done. -- by Thor
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