All Comments on 'If I Were Free'

It's full of vivid images that grabbed me and kept me reading. Overall, I think you could cut it back and put some breaks in to make it more powerful. If you're interested in editing suggestions, let me know. It's very good though--great balance of strong images and a wistful theme. :)

--Angeline

You had me all the way through to "and squeal like a girl when I was excited." I was really getting into it, but then it just became too much. Go with quality and not quantity. This has the potential to be an even better poem.

...to be an excellent poem. I agree fully with the comments below. There is so very much to like here, but I also suggest you give it a serious haircut, keeping only the best of it. There is quite a bit of unnecessary excess that gets in the way of a really good piece of free verse.

But there is a LOT to be free of & for...chopping it off would n't be true to the author's own idea. Just like it for what it is.

TT