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English
*
lines slightly out of place with the tone, just slightly
"it spreads warm like rising oven air
cool like the first drink of water
it soaks through the wick of me still"
resonance?
here?
"it must
it must
and this is why
I must
I must
I must write"
good going
"will this force fade
spread and dissipated"
no "d"
Gonnngg
A good emphatic poem with an interesting metaphoric device. Reading this section twice over, it feels out of place -
it spreads warm like rising oven air
cool like the first drink of water
it soaks through the wick of me still
I'd delete it.
In the absence......
...of your voting option I'm telling you this is a five - tidy it up - as 1201 said - and it'll be stellar.
Tess
Well,
I read the comments, and I don't think it needs too much tidying at all. The 'ed' on dissipated seems fine to me (I'm assuming that's what 1201 meant?).
I like the mood, and find it consistent throughout.
You have become an excellent editor of your own work (...remember the days when you wouldn't?)...the hard work shows.
~~
Resonates with resonance
Each thought
Feeding on and triggering another
Well done.
This is very nice, SR, but...
...I have to agree with Mr. or Ms. Anonymous. The strophe
it spreads warm like rising oven air
cool like the first drink of water
it soaks through the wick of me still
while very good in isolation, doesn't fit with the rest of the poem. You are carrying forward, quite consistently, a metaphor of resonance, tuning forks, vibration. This strophe not only is unrelated, it counters the main metaphoric thrust. "[S]preads warm", "cool", "soaks through the wick" are all deadening images, not resonant or vibratory ones.
Uh, well, at least in my opinion. ;)
Carry on.
Feelings
so strong they permeate your DNA. Which is what your poem did to me.
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