not imaginative enough and no too spicy should be more daring and expressive
by
Anonymous01/24/06
A PUZZLEMENT !!!
A VERY NICE AND DIFFERENT TALE HOWEVER....FOR SOMEONE WHO HAD NEVER SEEN A MANS PENIS HER FIRST FUCK SEEMED TO BE WITHOUT PAIN OF ANY KIND ...A PUZZLEMENT !!!
by
Anonymous01/24/06
Do Over......
Tell ya what! Erase it, and rewrite it!! It Sucked!
by
Anonymous01/24/06
Not bad.
It had a erotic story line to it, bro and sis were a good start but needed more description of the two. Just a bit more detail with a slower beginning, possibly turn this into a love story, with preg sis. I could imagine it mmmmmmm. Try another!
by
Anonymous01/24/06
Kepp it up
Nice, please continue!!!!!
by
Anonymous01/25/06
Could have been better!
It was a good story, but i agree more descriptive, no pain?? what did they both look like? and not either of them went down on eachother??
by
Anonymous01/25/06
More exciting than a medical referenece!
Nah, that's too brutal, but I agree that more detail would bring realism and tension, adding eroticism to a nice story.
Some dialog would also add realism.
Good luck!
by
Anonymous01/25/06
Very humdrum
We don't know how old they are but she (and presumably he) had had Sex Ed classes, so knew all about her anatomy. Yet she had to instruct him! She had never felt or seen a penis before yet had no trouble in losing her virginity or difficulty because of the size of her previously unpenetrated vagina.
This is unreal!
by
Anonymous01/25/06
Alright
A bit more description would help fill out the story.
by
Anonymous02/05/06
Memories
I have to agree with the others your on the right track it can be a very hot story because it reminds me when me and mt sis played the nasty games when we were younger dldn't go all the way but we did everything else Plezzz continue
with the story Thanks
PS. If you continue with your story if u want I will mail u about some of my personal exp. never told anyone.
by
Anonymous02/06/06
good story
good story, more details next time, deffinetly right a continuation to this story
This was a good story! I would enjoy hearing a follow-up of this..What happened when you got to the cousins..Don't pay attention to those who criticize. They probably can't write, nor experience anything like this. They are jealous!
I found this story INCREDIBLY HOT.---
---Everyone keeps complaining about how the girl did not experience any pain. I am willing to bet there is a reason behind this. The writer himself may not 'get off' on people being in pain. I for one am not a fan of pain in erotic literature, i am here to read a story about people getting pleasure. If you aren't here for that, then this is the wrong site for you.
Also it is not completely unrealistic for a girl to not experience much pain their first time. A lot of girls who masturbate regularly break their hymen on her own.(she was obviously skilled enough in masturbation to tell her brother what to do) And given their is enough lubrication, if the hymen is already broken, pain should not be an issue (And given how horny she was i am guessing she was pretty wet)
SO there you have it.. a completely realistic scenario of why, and HOW, the sister did not experience any pain...
as for the rest of the story... it was good. The Writting itself could be slightly better, but i never judge on that when reading erotic literature. I only judge by how far i get into a story before i have to relieve myself. How to write well can be learned through reading and pracice. How to make a story HOT is very difficult to learn, and is usually a hit or a miss with writers.
My advice to you as a writer: KEEP READING (non-erotic literature will help you develop better writing skills), and more importantly, KEEP WRITTING!!!
by
Anonymous10/07/07
PRiNCESA
yes something similar had happened to me. my cousin and i were in the room alone and it was about 10. he had just got home and layed next to me, since i was laying in his bed and we shared it. i always sleep in a tshirt or jersey only, and still do to this day.he was wearing only boxers, which he always did. i gave him a little kiss on the cheek and he turned and kissed me back. then he asked if i had ever had sex. i told him no, and he asked if i wanted to. since he was my cousin, i trusted him. great decision =] he got in between my legs and pulled his dick out of his boxers. then he rubbed the head of his swollen dick on my pussy and i nearly came there. he knelt down and kissed me, while fingering me slowly so my pussy could get used to this. it kinda was already, since my boyfriend at the time loved experimenting. he whispered to me to grab his dick, and i obeyed. pre-cum was leaking over my pussy, dripping on my clit and it felt so good. then, he positioned his cock at the entrance of my pussy, and slowly and smoothly slid it into me. i felt how hard he was and it only made me more excited. i had to adjust to his size, he was so big. but it felt amazing, i was in ecstacy. his smell was intoxicating, and he thrusted into me faster and faster. then, he pushed his dick into my cumming pussy as far as it could go, cumming into me. so yeah, that was my great experience. your story is amazing, and it did my body good :)
by
Anonymous02/04/08
uhm...no
what was this? theres no story line, tons of grammatical errors, inferiorly written, little details.....ADD DETAILS!!! ADD A FREAKIN STORY!!!
by
Anonymous07/06/09
poorly done
This was not thought out well at all. There is no real story. It is rushed and not at all interesting. There are several grammar mistakes. It has promise but you need many more details and a good story line.
English
good
not imaginative enough and no too spicy should be more daring and expressive
A PUZZLEMENT !!!
A VERY NICE AND DIFFERENT TALE HOWEVER....FOR SOMEONE WHO HAD NEVER SEEN A MANS PENIS HER FIRST FUCK SEEMED TO BE WITHOUT PAIN OF ANY KIND ...A PUZZLEMENT !!!
Do Over......
Tell ya what! Erase it, and rewrite it!! It Sucked!
Not bad.
It had a erotic story line to it, bro and sis were a good start but needed more description of the two. Just a bit more detail with a slower beginning, possibly turn this into a love story, with preg sis. I could imagine it mmmmmmm. Try another!
Kepp it up
Nice, please continue!!!!!
Could have been better!
It was a good story, but i agree more descriptive, no pain?? what did they both look like? and not either of them went down on eachother??
More exciting than a medical referenece!
Nah, that's too brutal, but I agree that more detail would bring realism and tension, adding eroticism to a nice story.
Some dialog would also add realism.
Good luck!
Very humdrum
We don't know how old they are but she (and presumably he) had had Sex Ed classes, so knew all about her anatomy. Yet she had to instruct him! She had never felt or seen a penis before yet had no trouble in losing her virginity or difficulty because of the size of her previously unpenetrated vagina.
This is unreal!
Alright
A bit more description would help fill out the story.
Memories
I have to agree with the others your on the right track it can be a very hot story because it reminds me when me and mt sis played the nasty games when we were younger dldn't go all the way but we did everything else Plezzz continue
with the story Thanks
PS. If you continue with your story if u want I will mail u about some of my personal exp. never told anyone.
good story
good story, more details next time, deffinetly right a continuation to this story
I loved it!
This was a good story! I would enjoy hearing a follow-up of this..What happened when you got to the cousins..Don't pay attention to those who criticize. They probably can't write, nor experience anything like this. They are jealous!
GREAT STORY!!!
I found this story INCREDIBLY HOT.---
---Everyone keeps complaining about how the girl did not experience any pain. I am willing to bet there is a reason behind this. The writer himself may not 'get off' on people being in pain. I for one am not a fan of pain in erotic literature, i am here to read a story about people getting pleasure. If you aren't here for that, then this is the wrong site for you.
Also it is not completely unrealistic for a girl to not experience much pain their first time. A lot of girls who masturbate regularly break their hymen on her own.(she was obviously skilled enough in masturbation to tell her brother what to do) And given their is enough lubrication, if the hymen is already broken, pain should not be an issue (And given how horny she was i am guessing she was pretty wet)
SO there you have it.. a completely realistic scenario of why, and HOW, the sister did not experience any pain...
as for the rest of the story... it was good. The Writting itself could be slightly better, but i never judge on that when reading erotic literature. I only judge by how far i get into a story before i have to relieve myself. How to write well can be learned through reading and pracice. How to make a story HOT is very difficult to learn, and is usually a hit or a miss with writers.
My advice to you as a writer: KEEP READING (non-erotic literature will help you develop better writing skills), and more importantly, KEEP WRITTING!!!
PRiNCESA
yes something similar had happened to me. my cousin and i were in the room alone and it was about 10. he had just got home and layed next to me, since i was laying in his bed and we shared it. i always sleep in a tshirt or jersey only, and still do to this day.he was wearing only boxers, which he always did. i gave him a little kiss on the cheek and he turned and kissed me back. then he asked if i had ever had sex. i told him no, and he asked if i wanted to. since he was my cousin, i trusted him. great decision =] he got in between my legs and pulled his dick out of his boxers. then he rubbed the head of his swollen dick on my pussy and i nearly came there. he knelt down and kissed me, while fingering me slowly so my pussy could get used to this. it kinda was already, since my boyfriend at the time loved experimenting. he whispered to me to grab his dick, and i obeyed. pre-cum was leaking over my pussy, dripping on my clit and it felt so good. then, he positioned his cock at the entrance of my pussy, and slowly and smoothly slid it into me. i felt how hard he was and it only made me more excited. i had to adjust to his size, he was so big. but it felt amazing, i was in ecstacy. his smell was intoxicating, and he thrusted into me faster and faster. then, he pushed his dick into my cumming pussy as far as it could go, cumming into me. so yeah, that was my great experience. your story is amazing, and it did my body good :)
uhm...no
what was this? theres no story line, tons of grammatical errors, inferiorly written, little details.....ADD DETAILS!!! ADD A FREAKIN STORY!!!
poorly done
This was not thought out well at all. There is no real story. It is rushed and not at all interesting. There are several grammar mistakes. It has promise but you need many more details and a good story line.
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